premiere - HecklerSpray

Paranormal Activity III Has Premiere In Big Brother House & No-One Famous Turns Up

October 20th, 2011 By Michael Park

Premieres for big blockbusters usually take place in cinemas with names like ODEON, CINEWORLD, GRAUMAN’S or BOGNOR REGIS CINEMASCOPE but it seems that the makers of Paranormal Activity are positively itching to associate their horrifying, overdone claptrap with Channel 5’s flagship horrifying, overdone claptrap.

And, as such, the premiere of Paranormal Activity III took place in front of a star-studded audience inside the Big Brother compound proving once and for all that crossover episodes are never as realistic as you hope.

It had been expected that Channel 5 would take the opportunity of having a scary film playing in the compound to systematically murder all of the housemates and celebrities who were assembled inside and the world (100 people whose remotes were broken) watched on with bated breath, waiting for the axe-murderer to be released into the house.

Idiot Harry Potter Fans Stand In The Weather All Night For No Good Reason At All

July 7th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Thousands of Harry Potter fans with nothing better to do decided to stand in a queue all night while the heavens opened on them, making them wetter than Ron Weasley’s demeanour. Trafalgar Square is now overrun with Potterists with the local council considering exterminating them like rats as they breed in the streets, birthing runts diseased with magic.

Of course, these poor souls stood beneath the rainclouds ahead of the world premiere of the final instalment of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (pt 2), posing the question – why not wait a couple of weeks and watch it online where you won’t get pneumonia from sleeping like tramps in the road?

Naturally, they’ll be hanging around to see the cast, which includes recovering alcoholic Daniel Radcliffe and Emma ‘Are We Still Calling It A New Haircut?’ Watson. It’ll be thrilling for the stars to meet their fans, who will, by the time it gets to this evening,? smell so bad that even a botfly would vomit in their presence, refusing to lay their eggs in the foetid skin of the Potterites.

Milla Jovovich Wears Massive Glittery Jumper At Resident Evil: Afterlife Premiere

September 10th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

(L-R)Actress Milla Jovovich, Ali Larter, actor Wentworth Miller pose for camera during the world premiere for the film Biohazard:Afterlife in Tokyo, Japan, on September 2, 2010. UPI/Keizo Mori Photo via Newscom

Oh look! It’s a gigantic picture of a famous woman in a really massive spangly jumper thing! Look! She’s joined by her co-stars for Resident Evil: Afterlife! Isn’t this all terribly exciting? OF COURSE IT IS! SQUEEEE!

Of course, the famous woman in question is Milla Jovovich who is at the premiere of Resident Evil: Afterlife with Ali Larter who has a massive thing called ‘a baby’ growing inside her.

Emma Thompson takes a pig to a premiere of Nanny McPhee and The Big Bang

March 25th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Emma Thompson is a quirky old dame isn’t she? A real, quintessential English lovie. Someone we know from a television show was invited ’round her house once. Nothing unusual in that you might assume… however, this invite was for a party to celebrate the beginning of asparagus season. Unbelievable Jeff. And now, Emma Thompson is being all quirky again, only this time with a pig.

Thompson is just back off her holidays where she was nursing the freshly single Kate Winslet. We can only imagine it contained a lot of gin and running mascara.

Most people come back from their jollies and use up the camera film on taking pictures of the dog. Not our Emma. She decided to walk some Bacon On Legs down the red (well, blue) carpet at the premiere of Nanny McPhee and The Big Bang.

Jennifer Aniston Must Never Be Single, Apparently

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Going to a party alone can be hard sometimes – especially if it’s your party and everyone is desperate for you to fail.

So Jennifer Aniston wasn’t taking any chances when it came to her Marley And Me premiere recently. Although she’s going out with a boy who looks like her nephew, Jennifer Aniston wanted to make damn sure that she wouldn’t go to her premiere alone.

That’s why Jennifer Aniston reportedly got her agents to find some famous actors who’d act as her standby boyfriend if John Mayer dropped out. And, to be fair, they’d all probably be more convincing than John Mayer.

No Puny Earth-Trousers Can Contain Angelina Jolie’s Arse

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

When Angelina Jolie made Beowulf, she knew she was making the tricky transition between 'ultra-earnest humanitarian actress' to 'mostly-naked computer-generated Old English mythical half-sex lizard from the year 700 AD.'

And of all the transitions a woman can make, it's probably the hardest one – one minute you're crying over pictures of sad third-world orphans and the next minute you're having your head chopped off by Ray Winstone's virtual sword in a sexy way – but it's one that Angelina Jolie can make without even breaking her stride. And how did Angelina Jolie do this? By turning up to the London Beowulf premiere in a pair of leather trousers so skin-tight that her bum-stitches burst wide open, forcing Brad Pitt to spend the rest of the evening trying to cover up Angelina's arse-spillage with his hands, that's how!