Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
This news just dropped today but it 100% counts as something great that happened in 2017. Fine wine of a man, John Stamos, recently got engaged to his girlfriend, Caitlin McHugh, and announced today that the two are expecting a baby!
At 54, John Stamos kind of seemed destined to forever just be a fun uncle, but lucky for us, he has decided to pass on his beautiful hair genetics to a sure to be #blessed child!
As you all know by now, word on the street is that Kim Kardashian, Khloe Kardashian, and Kylie Jenner made a high school level pregnancy pact and will all be having babies in the new year; Kim being the only smart one by paying someone else to actually go through that shit for her.
While you all know that I’m skeptical af that Khloe is pregnant, all this pregnancy speculation has really made for a great blogging season for me, and as I’m also pregnant and my name starts with a K, I really feel like I’m a part of something special here.
First of all, I would like to say that I am still not 100% on board with this whole “Every Kardashian/Jenner sister with a fake ass is pregnant” story. And for that reason, even I’M speculative of the shit I post about these hoes’ pregnancies, because I suspect these pregnancies are as real as their noses, but anyway…
Kylie 4.0 has been almost entirely out of the spotlight since news broke that she was knocked up by Travis Scott and even her social media has been a lot of throwbacks and ad pics that were taken ages ago. Us Weekly is reporting that this is because she don’t want people to see her changing body. LOL, girl, we’ve already seen that body change like four times.
I honestly have no idea where to start with this one. At first I thought this was a joke, but given that Us Weekly is exclusively reporting it and Us Weekly is on Kris Jenner’s pay roll, I have to assume this is 100% truth. Not only is Kim Kardashian expecting another baby next year, but now little sis Kylie Jenner is too!
Kylie has only been dating rapper Travis Scott since April, and Us Weekly is reporting she’s already almost 4 months pregnant, so if that’s true, these two wasted no time. Kylie also JUST turned 20, so props to her for narrowly avoiding teen pregnancy!
I mean, realistically I could be referring to any cast member from The Hills when I make a title like that, but in this particular instance I’m referring to Heidi and Spencer Pratt: the couple that make Kris Jenner look media shy.
Speidi, as they are often known, recently announced they were pregnant in the only way couples like them and Tori and Dean know how: via an UsWeekly photoshoot so they can hopefully pay their rent that month.
When I made a Facebook status mere moments ago about how the elegant, glamorous, Queen of the Lot Lizards, Courtney Stodden, was pregnant, my best friend Melissa commented: “What have we done to deserve this miracle in our lifetime?” And frankly, I don’t know the answer to that question, but here we are.
While dumb hot hoes like Megan Fox, Olivia Wilde, Blake Lively, and Eva Mendes (who was only pregnant for like 30 seconds before she popped out her second kid) are wasting my time with their boring, attractive pregnancies, live Barbie doll/the Marilyn Monroe of our generation, Courtney Stodden, has begun to grow Hollywood’s newest Messiah in her pristine, silicone injected womb.
Two of the hottest men in Hollywood for the past decade have been a couple of Canadian dudes named Ryan (Gosling and Reynolds, respectively). I mean they’re both mega hot, ripped, funny, and extremely talented. They also dress well. They’re the type of guys you’d want to punch in the face for being so fucking perfect if it weren’t for the fact that they also seem pretty likable, as well.
Anyway, Hot Ryan #1 (Gosling) and Hot Ryan #2 (Sorry Ryan Reynolds, Gosling has been my #1 since his days on “Breaker High), both shacked up with Hollywood mega babes (Gosling with the exotic Eva Mendes and Reynolds with the basic-but-beautiful Blake Lively) and produced what are sure to be two of the most beautiful girls on the face of the planet, and, apparently, they’ve done it again!
Ah, shot gun weddings.? There is just something so romantic about feeling forced to marry someone because your condom failed, isn’t there?? You know what I mean, don’t you,?Christina Aguilera?
Just days after showing off a massive ring you just know Christina put on her own Black Card, she and new hubby to be Matt Rutler have announced that they are expecting a tiny MAC-covered tangerine babeh later in the year.? And by later, let’s go at about 7-8 months from now.
You’re on the Edge of Glory. You are Lady Gaga, the world’s most fascinating person. (We’ll ignore the millions of people who are getting sick of her childish oneupmanship and really just want her to go away and live in a hovel for a bit.) You’re in Barcelona, and you’re performing to an adoring audience of thousands.
You may be up the duff, too. Why else would Lady Gaga start walking down stairs on stage, stop, and upchuck her dinner? That’s right: you heard it here. I’m calling it: Gaga is preggo.
Amazing news! Sir Elton John is planning to have another baby, apparently! That’s right, the bitch is back and he’s pregnant with his second child. Of course, his partner?David Furnish has had something to do with it.
When Elton gives birth, it’ll be a delightful sibling for 14-month-old son Zachary.
We do worry about Elton John’s wee-way though. How does one go about squeezing a child out of your little wang? With him being a celebrity, he’ll probably have a C-section won’t he? How terribly fashionable.
