Yes there was still the glamourising of violence, the drugs, the objectification of women and the explicit language – but at least it didn’t involve 50 Cent or P Diddy, or whatever in God’s name he’s called now.

It was a safer time when white kids in the suburbs could dream of their gangsta heritage without fearing for how much ‘bling’ they were wearing, a time when people could look forward to a Tupac release that wasn’t posthumous and one when Mr Warren G had released ‘Regulate‘.

You know the song. Everyone does. It was on the soundtrack to ‘Above the Rim‘, which wasn’t as good as ‘White Men Can’t Jump‘. It had Bernie Mac in it, so it really was never going to compete with the might of Wesley and Woody.

The content was, as any family-friendly rap track is sure to be, a bit on the risque side and involved Warren and Nate Dogg killing people and cruising for skirt – a fine influence on any youngster I’m sure. But it did contain samples from Young Guns, thus making ‘Regulate‘ one that appeals to everyone in the world.

So it came as no surprise to find that Warren – real name Warren Griffin III (not-so-different-to-actual-name shocker!) – was picked up by police on Sunday and bundled away to the slammer.

For what though, you may ask? Were the G-Man and his old chum Nate up to their old tricks, regulating the streets on their way to the East Side Motel? How many bodies had piled up by the end of the rampage? Did he have a crack factory blown up in a daring police raid?

Or was it that Warren had a bit of pot in his car?

Yes. Yes it was. G’s level of criminality knows no bounds, that’s for sure.

The master of G-Funk was soon released on bail (after forking out $20,000, no less), and though the feds were doing their damndest to prosecute the 35-year-old, it was soon reported that they would no longer be pursuing charges against the artist.

Clearly leaving Griffin open to pursue more incredible criminal feats, like jaywalking, or recording NFL without the prior consent of the broadcasters.

Keep it up Warren – show those pretenders to the gangsta throne how it’s done!

Take this little doozy for example: a woefully misguided anti-drugs PSA in which a talking dog decides to harrass a teenage girl about her drug use.

So – what has she been doing? Snorting three lines of coke over breakfast every morning? Jacking up a speedball during SAT revision? Rubbing blotter paper soaked in acid against her cherubic face? No. She’s … well … been smoking the odd joint. Seriously. Smoking weed. That’s it.

All of which is very ironic, because if the events in this commercial happened to us, we’d either:

a) Scream ‘Jesus Christ, a talking dog’, and immediately run to the nearest heroin dealer in order to get so dosed up we forgot this nightmare/

b) Give him a slap and shout ’shut the fuck up, you furry little bastard! Might I remind you whose house this is? I’ll lie on the sofa all day smoking bongs if I want to, thank you very much, you condescending shitwad. Any more of this nonsense and you might find your next bowl of Winalot laced with arsenic. Clear?’

Anyway. See what you think.

According to reports, Mischa Barton decided to enter a no contest plea to her DUI charges, which means her only punishment will be three years' probation, three months of alcohol education classes and a small fine.

On reflection, this is probably the best result Mischa Barton could have hoped for. By avoiding jail, Mischa has freed up a large block of time she's already sworn to spend furthering the advancement of shoddy direct-to-DVD bargain bin movies that no normal person would ever dream of watching. And the world thanks her for that.

Looking at the IMDb list of upcoming Mischa Barton films, you have to worry for the girl's state of mind. There's a movie co-starring Ja Rule, a movie entitled Malice In Sunderland and – God help us all – a movie about forgotten Russian lesbian pop duo tATu. Never has one actress contributed more to the future 2am weekday schedules of Five US. Really, what must Mischa Barton have been on to agree to make all this crap?

Well, pot. Pot and booze. Mischa Barton was probably on pot and booze because Mischa Barton loves pot and booze more than words can say. She loves them so much that sometimes she'll even drive around in her car blasted on pot and booze just to get her pro-pot and booze message out to as many people as possible.

Which neatly explains why Mischa Barton was arrested for driving drunk with marijuana in her possession just after Christmas. Mischa was charged with these offences in February – and was looking at winding up in jail if she was found guilty for them, too.

Not that jail would have been particularly traumatic for Mischa – she's so skinny that only the most accurate berserk shivver on her wing could have stabbed her with any degree of success. But that's all by the by anyway, because Mischa Barton has avoided jail with our old friend, the no contest plea bargain. Reuters reports:

"Actress Mischa Barton… has agreed to serve three years' probation for drunken driving, allowing her to avoid jail and escape a charge for marijuana possession…. Barton will plead no contest, which is similar to a guilty plea, pay a small fine and attend three months of an alcohol education class. One charge of marijuana possession will be dropped and another charge of driving without a license will be reduced to a traffic violation, according to People.com."

On the surface of things, this plea bargain looks like a lucky escape for Mischa Barton, and it is – but only in the short-term. Long-term things are pretty bleak. Next time Mischa Barton goes out in LA with her friends Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie, and they're all discussing all the nonces that they shanked during their time in the big house and comparing prison tattoos, what's non-con Mischa Barton going to do?

Sit there and feel pretty bloody stupid, that's what.

Read more:

Mischa Barton seeks plea for drunk driving: report – Reuters 

Seriously, none of us have ever seen Gilligan's Island so we can't even begin to tell you what it's about. Although we can safely say that Gilligan's Island star Dawn Wells is a massive stinking pothead.

It's true – Dawn Wells pleaded guilty to reckless driving after police found all sorts of marijuana in her car last year. At this point we'd like to use a Gilligan's Island catchphrase as an ironic statement of Dawn Wells' situation, but we've never seen it so we'll just make one up instead – Cat's pyjamas!

British hecklerspray readers will probably need this put into some sort of context, so here goes. Dawn Wells from Gilligan's Island pleading guilty to a charge of reckless driving is a bit like Victor Meldrew pleading guilty to being honkered off his noggin on heroin, or that Riddler-faced woman from My Family pleading guilty to bundling 20 kittens into a binbag and kicking them down the stairs. That's how serious it is.

Now that's cleared up, we can proceed. Last year 69-year-old Dawn Wells was arrested after police noticed her driving erratically, only to discover all kinds of drug paraphernalia in her car when they stopped her. Dawn Wells, of course, shot to fame playing farm girl Mary Ann Summers on Gilligan's Island, which we think is basically Lost with a better theme tune.

Anyway, as E! Online reports, even though she pleaded guilty to the drug charges, Dawn Wells has still been hit with a hefty combination of punishments:

Gilligan's Island star Dawn Wells has been sentenced to six months' unsupervised probation after she was arrested last October in Driggs, Idaho, for having marijuana in her car. The former actress, 69, pleaded guilty Feb. 29 to one count of reckless driving. As part of her plea bargain, additional misdemeanor counts of driving under the influence, possession of drug paraphernalia and possession of a controlled substance were dropped. In addition to the probation, she was sentenced to five days in jail and fined $410.50.

All that for just driving a bit squiffy? Dawn Wells should have really just ploughed down as many drugs as she could and driven full-speed into oncoming motorway traffic instead, because you don't even get an hour and a half in jail for that these days. 

In fact, given the entertainment world's fascination with women who drive under the influence, perhaps this guilty plea will be a launchpad for Dawn Wells' professional second wind. And now that Dawn's fellow dangerous drivers Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie have given up The Simple Life, maybe Dawn Wells should have a shot at taking over. It'd be great because it'd basically be the same as the original, only starring a near-septuagenarian pothead who ends each episode weeping "Is this what I've become?" at her own reflection. Perfect.

Read more:

Gilligan's Mary Ann Goes to Pot - E! Online 

No. Because Mischa Barton is also a criminal. That's right – a criminal just like Al Capone and Lil' Kim.

Mischa Barton has just been charged with DUI, driving without a license and pot possession following her arrest just after Christmas. That's bad enough for Mischa Barton, but just imagine how poor Hayden Panettiere feels being the only skinny attention-seeking celebrity not to be charged with driving like some sort of impaired dickwad. Don't worry Hayden! We're on our way! And we're bringing the elephant tranquilisers! You will not be left behind!

Remember when the hot trend among the Hollywood A-listers was a little dog dressed up as a pirate that you could carry around in a handbag? Things were so much simpler then. Now to keep up with the likes of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan you need to get arrested for driving a car out of your mind on booze or drugs. 

Or at least that was the case. As a general rule, when Mischa Barton does anything, she pretty much kills that trend stone dead. And since Mischa Barton got arrested for DUI on December 27, the young and pointless of Hollywood have had to find a new fad. It's been a struggle, with the current hot craze involving wearing a lifesize concrete sheep on your head like an inert livestocky hat.

But forget sheephats, because this is about Mischa Barton – the skinny girl from The OC who left The OC because she thought she was getting too big for it, only to end up doing absolutely nothing at all of worth afterwards. Anyway, two months after her DUI arrest, Mischa Barton has formally been charged, as the New York Daily News reports:

According to court papers, the 21-year-old actress was charged with driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs, driving while having a 0.08 percent or higher blood alcohol level, driving without a valid license and possession of 28.5 grams or less of marijuana. The misdemeanor charges are related to her December 27, 2006 arrest in West Hollywood where she was pulled over after police witnessed her car fail to use a turn signal, as well as straddle two lanes. Barton was scheduled to be arraigned on Thursday in Beverly Hills Superior Court.

It'll be interesting to see how Mischa Barton pleads in her upcoming hearings, because if she wants to stay true to the skinny celebrity tradition she'll need to plead not guilty time and time again despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary right up until the last minute when she'll reverse her plea and go to jail anyway. 

To be honest, we're torn between anger and pity for Mischa Barton here. Not because she endangered innocent lives while trying to adhere to the predetermined set of conventions laid out by her peer group, though. No.

Instead, we pity Mischa Barton because she's only roughly the size of an unfolded paperclip, so even an enthusiastic whiff of nutmeg will turn her into a shambling, dribbling uncontrollable mess, let alone any alcohol and pot. And we're angry because Mischa Barton is a British citizen, so she should be able to handle her drink. Well, either handle it or fly into a terrifying rage and stab a policeman to death with a screwdriver. Either way, it's a bitter disappointment.

Read more:

Mischa Barton charged for DUI, pot - New York Daily News