Kate Bush is releasing an album and everyone is getting very, very excited. It’ll be out in November and will be called 50 Words For Snow. A Christmas album no less. How very, very thrilling.

That said, it may as well be called ’50 Words For Lazy’ as Kate isn’t exactly known to have a particularly good work ethic.

After a run of LPs in the late 70s and 80s, Kate put her feet up and released 4 albums (including this new one) in nearly 20 years. That’s impressively bone idle. And so, this got us thinking: Who are the laziest people in music? Which bands are so workshy that they can’t even be bothered to release music to their adoring fans?

Considering The Beatles released 12 albums in 7 years (and kinda went about changing the face of popular culture as they went along), it’s astonishing that so many bands and artists agonise over their LPs to the point that they can’t ever get ’round to releasing anything.

Artists spend far too much time pondering and staring out of windows waiting for their muse to strike. Not like The Fall. They’ve released 18 albums in the past 30 minutes alone.

It’s quite pathetic really (mind you, writers are far worse).

And so, let’s have a look at some of the most lethargic, lazy-ass bands from the annals of popular recorded music.

Guns n Roses

GnFR are one of the most slovenly groups to ever waddle around the stadium of rock. In their 24 years they’ve released a paltry 6 albums, leaving fans waiting aaaaaaaaaaaages to hear the tripe that turned into Chinese Democracy. Worse still, in that time where they were more prolific, they released LPs filled with cover versions. If Axl Rose spent more time being a musician, rather than trying to pick fights with his own reflection and everyone else, while getting braided hair and growing ill-advised beards, he might’ve actually got some work done.

Portishead

In 17 years, Portishead have only managed 3 proper albums. Of course, with their image being that of shy, retiring, sensitivity, this reclusiveness only adds to their mystique for fans. Mystique is one thing… having more records to enjoy listening to is entirely another. Dossing swine.

Massive Attack

Another Bristolian outfit, Massive Attack just can’t be bothered doing any work. In 20 years, they’ve squeezed out a pitiful 5 albums. Maybe they should lay off the weed and try kicking each other up the arse once in a while.

Vashti Bunyan

Vashti Bunyan, considered by many to be something of a female Nick Drake (only without the suicide) is an impressively lazy woman. She recorded her first LP in 1970, and then left it ’til 2005 to record a follow up. So, at present, that’s two albums in 41 years. Worse still, both albums aren’t nearly as good as record collector types make out.

My Bloody Valentine

In 23 years, MBV have managed to release a whopping 2 whole albums. Of course, one of them nearly bankrupted Creation Records (it would’ve saved us from a fate worse than Oasis if it had). Valentines honcho Kevin Shields really doesn’t know how to work quickly. He’s musical dole scum, and we mean that in an endearing way.

Boston

Boston, in 35 years, have honked up a measly 5 albums. They must really, really love a lie-in.

Sex Pistols

The Sex Pistols released 1 proper LP in 37 years. There’s people who will argue that they imploded before they got rubbish, but look at how many compilations and lousy cash-grabbing tours they have completed since then. Of course, being odious punks, they can pass the whole thing off as some kind of art-school prank. That’s how people like John Lydon can get away with doing anything he wants, even if it’s appearing on reality TV and starring in commercials on TV. He’s essentially Britney Spears with better excuses.

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After a few weeks of seemingly pissing people off with music from both ends of the extreme spectrum, we’re back to offer something more accessible. Oh, it’s also bloody fantastic to if we don’t mind speaking too soon.

We don’t really like people sending us messages telling us how awesome a band’s friends think they are. Usually a band’s mates have been bribed with jelly sweets to win their praise. Even if they’re shit. So when we got a mini message from a band called Trifonic saying we’d like them because we were fans of Four Tet, we naturally took a listen. And we liked what we heard so much, we thought we’d share it with you.

Nowadays, the term electronica seems to mean as much as err… “Pasta.” There are plenty of different types and variety of the same labelled product. Was that a good comparison? Probably not, but it’ll have to do. Basically, there’s lots of variety to be found, and each person has an individual taste as to what they find tasty and appealing.

The calmer, mellow and chilled side of the electronic genre is out to play here. Perfect for listening to as the Sun’s orange glow breaks across the blue and white background, it’s just the sort of music needed for summer. Soothing, ambient and the soundtrack for a lazy day out. Be it at the beach or at an evening BBQ just before you’re served up a selection of uncooked salmonella-laden chicken, sausages and burgers. We can’t really think of anything to listen to as your insides are pushed out your arse as the night continues.

There are plenty of influences from indie, pop and various dance outfits. Out of the six tracks up on their MySpace player, we got the feeling of a track being too similar to the previous one, or a carbon copy of someone else. If anything the track Lies is something that Portishead would have been proud to put out. The vocals are distinctive and fit perfectly with the woozy, laid back soundscape.

Now, we all know that Radiohead did their own adventurous thing with the release of In Rainbows. Whilst Trifonic aren’t quite offering the same scheme, there are a variety of payment plans on the band’s website. Amongst options to buy a physical copy of the album, there are also other options to get your hands on an album full of gorgeous tracks. Yes you can get it for free, but why not just spend a little bit of money on a sound investment? It’s not going to bankrupt you and if anything it’ll payroll the two brothers making this music, thus helping them to carry on and create more.

In a time when music is screaming out for creativity and interesting new artists, hecklerspray has found an act that fits that description. We want to find more of these guys and not be force-fed dire indie pop that is apparently cool and hip. Or as we call it, music for posers in coffee bars.

Drifting around the sunny shores of California, the next step for Trifonic is to use the old fashioned “hassle” approach. Sending a few demo CDs to the odd alternative radio and TV station will surely do them no harm. They’ve got the songs, ideas and creative flair. We just hope they reach a wider audience than the murky world of MySpace.

For More:

Trifonic on MySpace

As some of you probably know, trip-hop sloths Portishead have finally got round to squeaking out their third album in, like, 400 years or something, entitled Third.

To help promote it, Portishead recently debuted seven songs from Third on Current TV in a 35-minute special. And Current TV being what it is, the entire performance went on the internet. And the internet being what it is, we’ve pinched it so you can watch it all here.

It’s actually pretty good, especially if you like music that sounds like an asthmatic having a panic attack at the bottom of a well. Enjoy.