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Laurence Fishburne’s Daughter Shoots Porn

Want to make it in the movies? Well, it’s a slippery pole to grab, as Laurence Fishburne’s 19-year-old daughter Montana is proving. Literally. That’s because ‘slippery pole’ in this case means oiled-up member as she wants to make a sex tape.

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WEBTHUMP! 25 September 2009

by Josh Burt

10 – The greatest high school movies OF ALL TIME – Interestment 9 – Like Flight of The Conchords? Then you’ll love this! – Mychemicaltoilet 8 – Kirsten Dunst smiles all the way to court, the maniac – Popsugar 7 – Who wants to see some singy and dancey stuff? – Best Week Ever 6 [...]

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WEBTHUMP! Friday 9 January 2008

by Stuart Heritage

10 – Andrew Lloyd Webber: can you do better than THIS? (answer ‘yes’ or we’ll come and get you)… 9 – Scientists say that big arses are healthy. J-Lo‘s inauguration as He-Man to take place this afternoon – News 8 – Here’s a song by a man who writes one a day – Ericstromsdailysong 7 [...]

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WEBTHUMP! Thursday 4 December 2008

by Stuart Heritage

9 – An old recipe for Mulled Beer. Thanks, history! – Lifehacker

8 – But what would a dead man rapping like an obscene woman sound like? – Therapup

7 – Guess what! Cavemen had boats! Please let this news affect you however you like – MSNBC

6 – Rude Ross Kemp On Gangs. Don’t say we didn’t warn you – YouTube

5 – Sorry office monkeys, you’ve been rumbled – Newsweek

4 – The best list of unethical experiments you’ll ever read – Soweirdo

3 – So the economy’s in the toilet. What can take everyone’s mind off that? We know – a deadly superbug pandemic! – Times

2 – Want to make a killer bunny robot hat? OK! – Instructables

1 – Dear Diddy. Stop. Just stop. Everyone wants you to stop – YouTube

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Peter Cook Blames Christie Brinkley For Him Shagging That Girl

by Stuart Heritage

This just in – Peter Cook is a legend. An absolute dyed-in-the-wool cast iron legend that every man on Earth should regard as a hero.

Why? Because even though Peter Cook’s supermodel wife Christie Brinkley recently divorced him after he a) had it off with a teenager he met in a toystore and b) started spending $3,000 a month on internet pornography, Peter Cook says that the divorce was absolutely not his fault at all.

Better still, Peter Cook blames the divorce squarely on Christie Brinkley, because she didn’t thank him for being him as much as he wanted. Peter Cook said all this in an interview with Barbara Walters in an effort to stop him being branded as a “scumbag pervert.” And we’re pretty sure he’s got his wish – we believe the term is “egomaniac scumbag pervert dimwit” now.

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David Duchovny Only Addicted To Sex With His Lovely Wife

by Stuart Heritage

Fact – when a man admits to a sex addiction, it’s because his wife caught him half a foot up another woman and he’s trying to appease her.

Unless, it appears, you’re David Duchovny. Although he’s currently being treated for sex addiction in what we expect to be the stickiest, smelliest rehab facility in the world, a friend of David Duchovny has come forward to point out that at no point did David ever cheat on his wife with another woman. That means, scientifically, that either David Duchovny did a bunch of rude things with vegetables or… or…

Or David Duchovny is addicted to having sex with his own wife. The bloody pervert. Castration’s too good for him. David Duchovny, you’re a big fat embarrassment to mankind.

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Ali Lohan Destroys the Internet by Accident, Using the Power of Porn

by Ian Dransfield

Why we’re surprised by this, we simply do not know. It isn’t like things on the internet, or in the news media in general are reported in a straightforward, to the point and down the line fashion now, is it? So it shouldn’t be surprising to see that a story circulating about Ali Lohan – [...]

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Christie Brinkley Divorce: Shrink Says Cook’s Brain Is All Weird

by Stuart Heritage

If you were the judge in the Christie Brinkley divorce, who would you give custody of the children to?

You’ve got two choices – there’s Christie Brinkley, the former supermodel who looks like she spends her weekends baking cooking and making fresh lemonade; and then there’s Peter Cook, a man who pays thousands of dollars each month to waggle his pee-pee around on the internet.

You’d probably wait for professional psychiatric advice before making a decision, wouldn’t you? Well, fear not – a psychiatrist has taken the stand at the Christie Brinkley divorce, and he’s called Peter Cook an ‘insatiable narcissist’. Peter Cook would have denied this claim, but he was too busy tenderly licking his own reflection in a mirror to pay attention to anything that was being said at the time.

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Britney Spears Possibly Does the Stupidest Thing She Could Ever Do

by Ian Dransfield

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer: it's a decent way of looking at things. But not so decent when your enemy is a paparazzo, who deals entirely on getting pictures of you in compromising positions, exchanging your dignity for cold, hard cash. Damn – someone should have told Britney Spears this before she [...]

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Christie Brinkley Divorce: Porn! Porn Porn Porn! PORN!

by Stuart Heritage

Hey, you think it’s bad that Christie Brinkley’s marriage ended because her husband started plonking his man-sausage into a teenage girl he met in a toyshop?

Well, you don’t even know the half of it. During the first day of the gloriously public Christie Brinkley/ Peter Cook divorce trial yesterday, it was claimed that Cook spends around $3,000 a month on porn websites. What an idiot – why doesn’t he just illegally download his pornography for free like the rest of us do?

Now, we’re no mathematicians, but even if Peter Cook found the time to solidly jerk himself into a frenzy three times a day to internet pornography, that still equates to about $33 per ejaculation. $33! For that money he could buy a fresh pair of ladies shoes each time and wank into them instead. That’s what most men would rather do, right? Right?

Just us?

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