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Pope

This week’s win and fail.

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Look, there’s no other of putting this, so we’ll just say it – we want Susan Boyle and the Pope to fall in love.

And get married. And have kids. And, no, that’s not just so we can rig up a secret camera in the Pope’s bedroom and film them having sex and sell the ensuing Pope/Boyle sex tape on the internet, although admittedly that is a big part of it. No, we just want to see what the offspring of Susan Boyle and the Pope would look like. Hopefully they’d have Boyle’s monobrow and wiry hair, and the Pope’s terrifying eyes and willingness to overlook systematic child abuse. They’d be adorable.

And luckily our dream might just reach fruition – Susan Boyle is going to sing for the Pope in September. Let’s just hope the Pope has the foresight to kit his Popemobile out with a mattress beforehand.

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If you’ve ever liked a popular band such as B*Witched, S Club Juniors or Shed 7 then you’ll have realised that the press quickly stops running stories on them when they split up.

The same rule of thumb however doesn’t apply if you happened to enjoy the titillating musical delights of The Beatles, though.

Liverpool’s finest export have been delighting music lovers for generations. Their songs about peace, love and the results of multiple drug binges helped them to keep a presence in the public eye. During their career, The Beatles didn’t do much to piss anyone off, apart from the time John Lennon claimed that his band were “more popular than Jesus” in 1966. For 42 years, The Vatican has never forgiven the Beatle for what he said. But in a swift change of heart, they’ve decided to kiss and make up. Not literally of course, kissing the corpse of a dead man would be sick and wrong.

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If you’ve ever liked a popular band such as B*Witched, S Club Juniors or Shed 7 then you’ll have realised that the press quickly stops running stories on them when they split up. The same rule of thumb however doesn’t apply if you happened to enjoy the titillating musical delights of The Beatles, though. Liverpool’s finest export have been delighting music lovers for generations. Their songs about peace, love and the results of multiple drug binges helped them to keep a presence in the public eye. During their career, The Beatles didn’t do much to piss anyone off, apart from the time John Lennon claimed that his band were "more popular than Jesus” in 1966. For 42 years, The Vatican has never forgiven the Beatle for what he said. But in a swift change of heart, they’ve decided to kiss and make up. Not literally of course, kissing the corpse of a dead man would be sick and wrong.