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Pop Idol

Us here ‘Spray writers have written a lot of words over the years and it is with tired hearts and mangled hands that we begrudgingly bring this to you now.  Scroobius Pip is currently informing us that journalism is redundant through our pathetic laptop speakers, America is still unwittingly executing people, and R.E.M have just split up; don’t worry we’re not making THAT joke, but it all makes you remember how terribly rubbish the world is.

To bring this point home we considered bringing you new music videos from the likes of Mastadon and Trash Talk in which you could see a really dirty man, some breasts glow, and some skateboarders injure themselves while annoying everyone in California; and you’d only get a little bit of motion sickness.

Yes, there is a massive ‘but’ here… although, we thought that might not go down to well with all you lovely Cosmo readers.  Instead we’re celebrating the fact that you can watch hours of idiocy on ITV 2 tonight and tomorrow while Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell incessantly flirt and pass aggressive notes under the table about whose teeth are whiter.

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Gareth Gates Suzanne Mole Married Engaged Pop IdolRemember Gareth Gates? Of course you do, he was the prickle-headed stutterer who couldn't quite win Pop Idol six years ago and was punished for his failure by being forced to have it off with Jordan.

But those frightful Jordan-humping days are over, because it's been announced that Gareth Gates is getting married. Apparently Gareth Gates proposed to his girlfriend Suzanne Mole on New Year's Eve and she said yes. Reaction to the Gareth Gates/ Suzanne Mole wedding has been split equally between Gareth's two remaining fans, with one of them expressing their best wishes to the couple and the other one stabbing their large Gareth Gates thigh-tattoo over and over with a maths compass screaming "It should have been me! Why can't it be me!" But we're sure Gareth's mum will come round to the fact after her thigh stops bleeding.

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Remember Gareth Gates? Of course you do, he was the prickle-headed stutterer who couldn't quite win Pop Idol six years ago and was punished for his failure by being forced to have it off with Jordan. But those frightful Jordan-humping days are over, because it's been announced that Gareth Gates is getting married. Apparently Gareth Gates proposed to his girlfriend Suzanne Mole on New Year's Eve and she said yes. Reaction to the Gareth Gates/ Suzanne Mole wedding has been split equally between Gareth's two remaining fans, with one of them expressing their best wishes to the couple and the other one stabbing their large Gareth Gates thigh-tattoo over and over with a maths compass screaming "It should have been me! Why can't it be me!" But we're sure Gareth's mum will come round to the fact after her thigh stops bleeding.