HecklerSpray

Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy

iPad 3 Imminent; Missing A Home Button Like A Big Wimp?

February 29th, 2012 By Robin Darke

Amazing isn't it? How a company can get people so worked up about a product which probably won't be that much different from what came before, but still make it seem that this is the best thing to be clad in plastic and metal since the original Terminator.

It's an astonishing thing to see Apple stores on launch days because between sweaty adults clamouring over an overly priced object like it was the last loaf of bread in 1920s Germany, there is the bitter taste of getting yourself in what feels like an exclusive club of Apple product users, even though they now rank into the millions.

So expect fervent panic and, frankly, rude pushing on March 16th when the iPad 3 is rumoured to be released. In typical Apple behaviour, there's nothing concrete to go on but hundreds of Apple rumours sites that seem sure that what they’re writing about is entirely correct and should not be doubted even though they are sure the back of the new iPhone will be made from unicorn hide.

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Apple: Hating Those Other Pauper Devices

August 7th, 2012 By Matthew Laidlow

Thanks to the rise of telecommunications, the humble apple and blackberry are no longer seen as delicious pieces of fruit. ?Apple? in particular isn't seen as something to make cider with, but as a massive technology company.

Steve Jobs was the bloke who modified the clunky Apple desktop computers that were once seen as inferior to Microsoft?s PC?s and transformed them into sleek and sexy devices. They?re so trendy that anyone seen in a Starbucks without a white coloured laptop will be scorned at; all whilst their double filtered extra frothy latt? with polar bear milk gets sabotaged.

So what have Apple done exactly? They?ve made the MP3 market their own with the iPod took the geekiness out of computing. Now, they're tackling the tablet market and have already launched various iPads. But Apple products are expensive right? Course they are, but that shouldn?t matter according to Apple?s Tim Cook. He says that cheaper tablets ruin it for everyone.

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Star Wars Dogs Welcome You To The Bark Side

January 20th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Only America could host the idea of having a commercial about a commercial. And that’s exactly what VW have done in the build-up to the Super Bowl, which of course, is more of a marketing showreel than an actual sporting event.

Hell. American Football is barely a sport in itself. Ostensibly, it’s two teams of androids running at each other screaming. What’s not to like?

Anyway, the commercial about a commercial features a squad of dogs all in Star Wars garb and? together, they sing a very familiar tune. Click over the jump to watch it. And no, we’re not getting paid for this.

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Watchmen 2 In The Works: Idiots Prepare To Make Electric Boogaloo Jokes

December 30th, 2011 By Robin Darke

Anyone who’s anyone who’s anyone knows the importance that Watchmen had on the history of sequential art (which is a cockended way of saying ‘comics’).

It had boobies and swearing and violence, as well as a final twist that is consistently ranked as one of the greatest twists in fictional history; ranked after the Hungry Caterpillar eating an apple and not the eyes of a sleeping gentleman nearby but before O’Shaughnessy’s antics in The Maltese Falcon.

We all love Watchmen, but what would you say if you found out that a sequel was in the works?

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Licensed to Il: Kim Jong Il, Dead Because His Body Couldn’t Handle All That Amazingness

December 19th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Terrible news, readers. Kim Jong-il, has gone and died on us, leaving a rather small but impressive hole in the fabric of our world’s society. Seriously, he was a veritable Superman and we’ll never see his like again.

Of course, Kim Jong-il went by a variety of names. His people (lucky beggars!) referred to him as the Supreme Leader, as well as our Father, the General, Generalissimo, General Knowledge Round, Dear Leader, Mmm Leerdammer, I’m The Leader Of The Gang (I Am), Bodacious Kim and many other fabulous names

And now he’s gone and died because he was just too awesome to live. Let us look at his life and achievements.

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All American Muslim TV Show Underlines How Much USA Hates Islam

December 14th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Hey America! Muslims are awful, awful things aren’t they? Apart from Mohammed Ali. You like him don’t you? Dave Chappelle is alright too, huh? And Ice Cube. And you like all those bands on Atlantic Records, a company set up by maverick Ahmet Ertegun. Guess what? Massive Muslim. And Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

There’s LOADS of celebrity Muslims in the grand ol’ U.S. of A aren’t there? All going about their business without bombing anyone or shouting ‘DEATH TO THE WEST!’

So then, what’s America’s problem with the television show, ‘All-American Muslim’ then? Why are all the sponsors pulling out and washing their hands of the project?

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Ulysses 31: Watch The Live Action Version!

November 23rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

If you’re of a certain age, you’ll definitely remember Ulysses 31. You’ll know the theme tune off by heart and recall those horrible, ghostly cadavers that hung in the air that dead smoke. Even if you hated it (what’s wrong with you?), you’ll know all that.

Of course, nostalgia is big business and Ulysses 31 is something that is oft remembered, but rarely given proper tribute in favour of Thundercats and Transformers. Ulysses 31 is up there with The Mysterious Cities Of Gold in the criminally overlooked league.

However, that’s all changed with a live action version of the best sci-fi cartoon ever made. Don’t argue. You’re wrong or a contrarian if you liked Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors better. Anyway, shall we watch a really cool video together?

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Badvertising: How Many Pop Culture References Does It Take To Induce Suicide?

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

Popular culture is a wonderful thing, especially for the people that made those classic television shows, films, cartoons, songs etc. that were actually pretty rubbish in their original incarnation but are fondly remembered by those with a penchant for nostalgia as being the finest things ever crafted by human hands.

These are people who form pop culture opinion, the people who are talking heads on nostalgic talking head shows in which talking heads regale you with tales of how they sit down with a plateful of Findus Crispy Pancakes just in time to watch the latest episode of Baywatch. These people manage to create some kind of time-capsuled ‘tweet’ of what they had for dinner 25 years ago and share it later for money.

That’s the dream folks.

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Jay And Silent Bob To Tour The UK With Live Show, Right?

September 8th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes made millions of stoners chuckle nacho crumbs into their bellybuttons are their alter-egos Jay and Silent Bob. Littered with pop-culture and sci-fi references, they were always going to achieve cult-herodom.

And now, you’ll get to slap your glazed eyeballs on them in the flesh as they’ve announced a tour of the UK this February.

They’ll be performing the successful comedy podcast Jay and Silent Bob Get Old right before your very eyes. It’ll be like Charlie Sheen’s tour, only good.

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TV Review: OMG! With Peaches Geldof

August 5th, 2012 By Justrestingmyeyes

So, the worst has happened. You’ve woken up and realised you are Peaches Geldof. Now, the most important thing is not to panic. You are perfectly fine. You do not have to do a thing. You don’t have to dig deep inside yourself and work out where your true talents lie. It’d take too long, and you’d only get disheartened with the lack of results.

Short answer – you emerged from a celebrity uterus, and 22 entirely fatuous years later, here we all are. No, don’t cry. We’ve only just started!

Remember when those nice people from ITV2 turned up with that human hamster with dead eyes called Fern or Bush or something, who kept shouting about how everything was amazing? And you got to talk about being a Scientologist and everyone nodded and smiled and you felt like you were being a really clever sausage? Those nice people are back, and they’ve given you your own show. It’s called OMG. OMG! Hang on! That’s, like, totally what you say! OMG! And in it, you can, like, totally discuss the important and shocking issues of the day and everyone will, like, totally respect you and stuff.

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