Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
2017 were dark, dark days, my friends, but 2018 is here now, and it’s starting off right. After more than a decade of releasing mediocre af music, Justin Timberlake is back with some sexual gold.
J. Tim recently released a teaser for his new album “Man of the Woods” and I was like “Ok cool, this looks like it will probably be folksy or whatever”, but then he dropped the first single, “Filthy”, and I was like HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE! Because that shit was like SexyBack 2.0
Before you Swifties come at me and call me a biased bitch who is just dissing Taylor Swift’s new music because I think she is a disgusting person, I’ll have you know that, musically speaking, I typically enjoy Taylor Swift. I think all her previous albums have been SUPER listenable and enjoyable and physically bought a copy of 1989, so you can throw that biased bullshit aside, thankyouverymuch.
Very recently, Taylor Swift SHOCKED the world by deleting EVERYTHING off of her Instagram account and unfollowing the few people she followed. THEN two days ago she started posting mini videos on her Instagram account of a digital snake slithering around.
Finally, today, Taylor dropped the cover art for her new album (or maybe just the cover art for the new single?) called “Reputation”, which will be released tomorrow.
A few years back, I wrote a blog about how Miley Cyrus looks like a living version of the dirty floor of a gay dance club in the ’80s. Back in 2013, Miley was all about smoking weed, listening to rap music, and looking as ratchet and tacky af. It was a beautiful time for a blogger like me.
Now that Miley has chilled the fuck out and settled back down with Liam Hemsworth to live a relaxed beach hippy vegan life, she regrets her raunchy past, which I think is really lame.
So the Grammys happened last night and no one gave less of a shit than me. Well, except for maybe Frank Ocean. As I said in my previous post, I haven’t really cared much about the Grammys since 1999, but as a highly professional celebrity blogger, I’m going to write about them anyway.
For the most part, the Grammys weren’t SUPER political, but that being said, politics were obviously present. That’s just the world we’re going to live in for a while; awards shows are going to be angry and political. However, aside from Katy Perry’s political performance of her shitty new song, other stuff happened at the Grammys! Here’s a rundown.
While a regular Grammys post is coming later today (even though I haven’t really cared about the Grammys since 1996…or like 1999 when Santana and Rob Thomas won all those awards for ‘Smooth’), I’d first like to talk about Frank Ocean’s Grammy and Taylor Swift diss.
Frank Ocean’s ‘Blonde’ was one of the most successful and critically acclaimed albums of 2016, so I’m sure a few people thought it was odd that it wasn’t nominated for a single Grammy. However, it’s less odd when you find out that Frank removed his album from Grammy consideration. Why, you ask? Well, kinda because of Taylor Swift.
Typically, I would start this post with an “Ugh, white people,” but tbh, as I have to keep reminding you, I’m white. I’m super white and I know without a shadow of a doubt that TLC sang the 90’s mega jam, “Waterfalls.” I legit have a TLC candle on my office desk. It was a gift from my friend Aryn for my 30th birthday.
Karlie Kloss is one of those next level rich, millennial white girls. Like, they’re so rich and white that they hang out with Taylor Swift’s “squad” and rap all the wrong words to “Forgot about Dre” and probably think that’s like Dr. Dre’s first song because he decided to release his own album after discovering Eminem or some shit.
Well, I guess Justin Bieber isn’t about that TGIF life because he recently announced that he thinks the weekend is whack. Such a mom joke, I know.
As many of you know, The Weeknd was recently spotted getting all romantic with Selena Gomez and, given then I loved The Weeknd and Bella Hadid together, I assumed no one was more butt hurt about this hook up than me. That is, of course, until Justin Bieber chimed in.
A couple of months back I did a blog on how I’d been handling 2016 via GIFs. At the time, I dealt with my feelings about everything from Beyoncé’s Lemonade to Brangelina’s split, the shit show election to Kimye outing Taylor Swift as shady, Brexit to the constant drivel that comes out of Lena Dunham’s mouth.
I really thought that, with a mere two and a half months left to the year, nothing could get much worse (or better). I thought maybe pop culture had blown my mind enough for one year. But nope, Trump got elected and for some reason we still let Lena Dunham speak publically. Here’s how I’ve been handling 2016’s bullshit since October 8th, when I last aired my feelings. Once again, presented in GIFs…
As most of you probably know, Mariah Carey and her billionaire fiancé James Packer broke up like 5 minutes ago, but that didn’t mean Queen M was going to sit around and sulk or do weird Russian television interviews like Lindsay Lohan did when her billionaire fiancé left her. No, Mariah has more class than that.
Instead, she went out and got her 47-year-old ass a hot little 33-year-old back-up dancer to do her bidding and sex her up all in exchange for moderate fame and probably like a lambo, because, unlike Hollywood Hobo Tyga, Mariah can afford a lambo or two.
