politics - HecklerSpray

Justin Bieber is a Closet UK Conservative?!

February 8th, 2013 By Chris Starr

From the WTF files comes this strange story about Justin Bieber. Apparently he’s engaging himself in UK politics, like all Canadian tweeny-bopper pop stars ought to, because really, what else are they going to do with their lives?

And the way he’s chosen to do that isn’t by talking about how young people should go out and rock the vote, or anything, because that’s far too conventional.

No, instead he’s doing something different. He’s actively supporting one party – and one that seems to be incredibly out of touch with much of modern society and by definition, his fanbase.

U.S. Election 2012: Celebrities Decide Who’s the Boss

November 5th, 2012 By Chris Starr

We’re just mere hours away from the most important day in the United States of America: election day. And of course, there have been screeds – miles of newspaper reports – written about the economic, social, war and foreign policies of the two presidential candidates.

But nowadays no-one gives a shit about that. We’re a celebrity-driven culture. You’re reading HecklerSpray. You want to know who to? vote for not on the basis of the candidates’ positions, but on their celebrity endorsers. Who’s endosring Barack Obama, and who’s for Mitt Romney? Think of it like Celebrity Deathmatch: Politics Edition.

Syrian Dictators Really Have Comical Tastes In Music

March 16th, 2012 By Matthew Laidlow

Bashar al-Assad, that's a name that rolls of the tongue doesn't it? Unsure who he is? Don't worry; we don't expect you to know. After all, he doesn't host a TV series on archaeological digs, have a range of puddings out in middle class supermarkets or own a Premiership football club.

Therefore he's effectively a figment of your imagination and not a concern to anyone. In Syria however, he's a household name where he's the president. Think Prime Minister David Cameron is a bit of dick with his policies? Compared to Bashar al-Assad, he's a saint. At least Cameron doesn't violently bludgeon peace protestors to death.

Whilst killing your own citizens is a grim subject that can't be made funny with any comedy vajazzling, surely there's something we can look at. Why would a man hurt his own people? Did he have a bad childhood? Even though we?ll never know the full reasons, his music collection won't ever put Bashar al-Assad in a good mood. He's allegedly a fan of annoyances like LMFAO and horse faced Leona Lewis.

Sexism And Wolf-Whistling To Become A Crime – Women Assume It’s All About Them

March 8th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Sexy women, breathe a sigh of relief! You will no longer get men trying to get off with you in a vulgar manner. Men, prepare yourself to start being hypersensitive about everything and noticing the sexist things said to you.

That’s right bozos!?Salacious whistles and sexist words are going to become a criminal act under new laws against sexual harassment to which Britain is signing up.

There’s a pledge to criminalise “verbal, non-verbal or physical” sexual harassment, which is one of the things the?Council of Europe’s convention on violence against women is signing up for. This is to mark?International Women’s Day because, as we know, only women are victims of sexual harassment and verbose innuendo. In fairness, they are asking for it.

Blink 182?s Mark Hoppus Set Wants To Be The Voice Of UK And American Politics

February 15th, 2012 By Matthew Laidlow

People in suits arguing all day in Westminster, that's essentially what politics is isn't it? With the Conservatives currently in power and the Liberal Democrats being handed the deputy fellatio position, the UK is as knackered as it ever was under the Labour party.

In the UK, crippling debt is affecting us all, the nation?s credit rating might be downgrade and on top of that, Scotland wants to do go solo. But then again, Scotland will inevitably make a mess of things if they do fly the political nest. One of its biggest football clubs, Rangers can't cope and has gone into administration. What hope is there for anyone else living there?

You?d assume that all of our political leaders would put aside their differences and think of how they can all help the UK through varying crisiseses. Instead, the playground taunting of ?my idea is better than yours? continues and it's now down to pop punker Mark Hoppus from Blink 182 to help us out.

Mick Jagger Hates David Cameron But Likes Counting Beans

January 25th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Mick Jagger, a man with a face like a thousand ballsacks, is no political football! Nosiree! He doesn’t like to be aligned to any party, mainly because he knows that its not in his interests to side with anyone, lest he lose a bunch of fans.

With that, he doesn’t like Prime Minister David Cameron trying to rim him for public favour.

See, Davey Boy Cameron invited Mick Jagger (with all that swagger, whatever that means these days) to an event in?Switzerland. The event was about economics. Or, if you prefer, everyone out there was opening bank accounts so they don’t have to pay their taxes. That’s precisely what was going on.

Licensed to Il: Kim Jong Il, Dead Because His Body Couldn’t Handle All That Amazingness

December 19th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Terrible news, readers. Kim Jong-il, has gone and died on us, leaving a rather small but impressive hole in the fabric of our world’s society. Seriously, he was a veritable Superman and we’ll never see his like again.

Of course, Kim Jong-il went by a variety of names. His people (lucky beggars!) referred to him as the Supreme Leader, as well as our Father, the General, Generalissimo, General Knowledge Round, Dear Leader, Mmm Leerdammer, I’m The Leader Of The Gang (I Am), Bodacious Kim and many other fabulous names

And now he’s gone and died because he was just too awesome to live. Let us look at his life and achievements.

Russian News Reader Gives Barack Obama The Bird Live On TV

November 21st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Russia and America haven’t ever really got along have they? They’re both giganto land-masses that just love antagonising each other with spies, wars and lousy impressions of each others accents.

At least the news is always impartial, eh?

Like hell. Have you seen Fox News? And Fox & Co (not a Top of the Pops dance troupe, sadly) have got competition in the form of Tatiana Limanova who made her feelings on Barack Obama perfectly clear in a news bulletin.

Catholic League Keep Straight Face And Show Mass Amnesia When Calling Susan Sarandon ‘Despicable’

October 19th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Remember Susan Sarandon calling Pope Benedict a Nazi? That was pretty funny wasn’t it? After all, he was a Nazi at one point. He was a massive, massive… well… tiny Nazi in the Hitler Youth. Of course, the Nazism is nothing compared to the whole Catholicism thing.

Of course, you can’t go around calling a Pope negative names and not expect some heat from those mass-loving lunatics.

So step right up Bill Donohue, leader of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights to lay the holy smackdown! Probably in Latin too! Because Catholics are all completely mental and like responding to priests in a language they don’t understand! The cads!

Susan Sarandon Thinks The Pope Is A Nazi, And In Spain, Nuns Stole Babies And Sold Them!

October 18th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

God isn’t having a good time of it lately. His representatives on Earth aren’t doing It any favours. Of course, God Itself is a spiteful, vengeful chump anyway and made man in Its own image, so It only has Itself to blame.

Going after the Almighty is Susan Sarandon. Of course, you can’t kick God in the shins so you have to pick on the next best thing… and that happens to be Pope Benedict: The Godwaffe.

Discussing her role in Dead Man, which saw her sending a copy to The Pope, she was asked ‘which pope?’ That’s when the Catholics got jumpy and started muttering ‘You wouldn’t get people talking about Muslims like that… it’s so unfair.’ Maybe if you started flying planes into buildings, we might be a little more scared of pointing out how mental some of you are, eh?