Mick Jagger, a man with a face like a thousand ballsacks, is no political football! Nosiree! He doesn’t like to be aligned to any party, mainly because he knows that its not in his interests to side with anyone, lest he lose a bunch of fans.
With that, he doesn’t like Prime Minister David Cameron trying to rim him for public favour.
See, Davey Boy Cameron invited Mick Jagger (with all that swagger, whatever that means these days) to an event in Switzerland. The event was about economics. Or, if you prefer, everyone out there was opening bank accounts so they don’t have to pay their taxes. That’s precisely what was going on.
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Terrible news, readers. Kim Jong-il, has gone and died on us, leaving a rather small but impressive hole in the fabric of our world’s society. Seriously, he was a veritable Superman and we’ll never see his like again.
Of course, Kim Jong-il went by a variety of names. His people (lucky beggars!) referred to him as the Supreme Leader, as well as our Father, the General, Generalissimo, General Knowledge Round, Dear Leader, Mmm Leerdammer, I’m The Leader Of The Gang (I Am), Bodacious Kim and many other fabulous names
And now he’s gone and died because he was just too awesome to live. Let us look at his life and achievements.
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Russia and America haven’t ever really got along have they? They’re both giganto land-masses that just love antagonising each other with spies, wars and lousy impressions of each others accents.
At least the news is always impartial, eh?
Like hell. Have you seen Fox News? And Fox & Co (not a Top of the Pops dance troupe, sadly) have got competition in the form of Tatiana Limanova who made her feelings on Barack Obama perfectly clear in a news bulletin.
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Remember Susan Sarandon calling Pope Benedict a Nazi? That was pretty funny wasn’t it? After all, he was a Nazi at one point. He was a massive, massive… well… tiny Nazi in the Hitler Youth. Of course, the Nazism is nothing compared to the whole Catholicism thing.
Of course, you can’t go around calling a Pope negative names and not expect some heat from those mass-loving lunatics.
So step right up Bill Donohue, leader of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights to lay the holy smackdown! Probably in Latin too! Because Catholics are all completely mental and like responding to priests in a language they don’t understand! The cads!
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God isn’t having a good time of it lately. His representatives on Earth aren’t doing It any favours. Of course, God Itself is a spiteful, vengeful chump anyway and made man in Its own image, so It only has Itself to blame.
Going after the Almighty is Susan Sarandon. Of course, you can’t kick God in the shins so you have to pick on the next best thing… and that happens to be Pope Benedict: The Godwaffe.
Discussing her role in Dead Man, which saw her sending a copy to The Pope, she was asked ‘which pope?’ That’s when the Catholics got jumpy and started muttering ‘You wouldn’t get people talking about Muslims like that… it’s so unfair.’ Maybe if you started flying planes into buildings, we might be a little more scared of pointing out how mental some of you are, eh?
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The British tabloids, and the Daily Mail in particular got to indulge in one of their favourite, and least pleasant, pastimes last week- the vilification of women.
The Mail seems to think that what its largely female readership want is to see attractive young women demonised. Sadly they are probably onto something.
Sometimes you know that what they really want to do is just feature pictures of smiling girls with ‘whores’ crudely drawn over them in crayon.
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Everybody on twitter (yaa boo, sucks to you) is muttering about the UK Citizenship Test. This is the test that is flung in the face of immigrants with a look of “Go on. How much do you love tedious facts about the UK?”
There’s questions about the number of constituencies we have and the like. Of course, no right minded UK citizen would know that. Only a complete bell-end would.
And so, with people who have lived in the UK roundly failing the test (us included), we’ve decided to make a citizenship test that actually works, filled with questions about things that are unique to this stupid collection of horrible countries and provinces. See how well you fare over the jump, scum.
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Tabloid editorial philosophy dictates that when a story is too good to be true, then not only is it probably not, but it almost certainly won’t matter whether or not it is true.
Every so often a news story seems to tick so many of a newspaper’s boxes, but despite the exciting claims made in the headline, you find precious little information in the article itself that backs them up. Normally headlines are written after the story, but not always.
As long as the newspaper isn’t libelling any specific group or individual, then there’s nothing to lose except their credibility. Fortunately this isn’t a massive priority for tabloid newspapers [or us, in fairness, Ed.].
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