Posts tagged as:

police

Louis Walsh Cleared Of Indecent Assault As ‘Victim’ Decided He Quite Liked It Or Something. We Weren’t Really Listening.

by Mof Gimmers

Louis Walsh was recently accused of indecent assault in a nightclub toilets in Dublin. That’s great isn’t it? All indecent assaults seem to take place in toilets. It must be something to do with the wonderful bouquet given off by urinal cakes. Anyway, some fella has said that Walsh went for his groin and it [...]

2 comments Read more >>>

Surprising First ‘Louis Walsh Groped Some Fella’ Story

by Mof Gimmers

Louis Walsh, of X Factor and impresario behind Westlife and Boyzone, is a man much mocked. Firstly, he’s mocked for his terrible taste in music. Secondly, he’s quite clearly in the middle of very long nervous breakdown. Thirdly, everyone likes to point at him and say ‘gay’. Now, with a combination of the stresses of [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

Sly Gets In Trouble After Being Found With Cocainey Family Stones About Him

by Mof Gimmers

Sly Stone, who has made some of the greatest records ever ever ever ever, is not exactly a well-behaved man. When he sang “I want to take you higher!”, he was actually more concerned with getting himself so high that his afro would be scorched by the sun. Over the years, he’s consumed an amazing [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

Sean Bean Won’t Press Charges Against Man Who Stabbed Him Because He’s Northern

by Mof Gimmers

Sean Bean is so Northern that it is borderline ridiculous. If you haven’t heard, he got involved in a fight outside a pub after someone hurled insults at a woman he was with. An altercation ensued, seeing Bean getting stabbed. Instead of going straight to hospital to cry about it all, he took his shiner [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

Flo Rida Likes Driving While Drunk – Who Doesn’t?

by Mof Gimmers

Flo Rida, who accurately pointed out that Alexandra Burke only sings the crooked letters from the alphabet, is doing what a good rapper should and getting his skull-sized pectoral muscles into trouble with the law. The hip-pop star, who has a voice like a pained mule being assaulted with an accordion, is getting his expensive [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

Ja Rule Lives Up To Rap Stereotype By Getting Imprisoned On Gun Charges

by Mof Gimmers

Remember Ja Rule? He was really popular for about 10 minutes a few years ago. His rapping style is astonishing too. The sound is somewhere between talking to a man in a headlock, a deaf cow and the sound of gravel being thrown at a double bass. Unless you’re the kind of person who lusts [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

Lindsay Lohan’s Electronic Ankle Tag Starts Beeping Which Is Interesting

by Mof Gimmers

Now that Lindsay Lohan is under house arrest, she’s probably turned into a bit of a borebag. Her life has gone from wildly reckless and grottily glamorous to that of a student, loafing about and switching channels on the TV while sat in greasy undercrackers. Gone are the days when she’d have sex with either [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

Snooki Crashes Into Cop Car, Presumably After Realising How Irritating She Is

by Mof Gimmers

Snooki – a cross between a shaved Har Mar Superstar and a tin of off-creosote – is, once again, being filmed for some vapid, gaspingly bad television programme for MTV, the music channel that doesn’t show any music videos. And while shooting (with cameras, not guns sadly) the fourth season of Jersey Shore this weekend, [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

We Forgot To Laugh At Pete Doherty Getting Sent To Prison

by Mof Gimmers

Foetid, seeping, singing pus-sac – Pete Doherty – has had his stinkin’ behind hauled into jail after being a complete waste of everybody’s time and energy. Of course, this cements his place as an artistic-martyr to the scum that follow this godforsaken warbler, all now destined to write awful poetry in their mildew riddled hovels. [...]

4 comments Read more >>>

Channel 4 To Show You How To Take Drugs, For Educational Purposes Of Course

by Matthew Laidlow

It’s well known that the film industry has been long running out of ideas. Searching for an original piece of work is as rare as finding something nutritious in a fast food joint. All we seem to get in the cinema are adaptations of books, remakes of classic pieces of films from the past, pointless [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →