Articles tagged with: police
Jonathan Rhys Meyers Feeds His Fist To A French Waiter
When Jonathan Rhys Meyers isn't running around New York unknowingly looking for his stupid musical prodigy son, he's punching Frenchies in the face. It's his passion, don't you know. Chances are you read that opening sentence and thought to yourself - "Yet another thing I have in common with that weird-eyed actor." Well who doesn't share that lust? Right? We absolutely love punching things that are French - be they sliced potatoes or Sarkozy ex-wives - we just want to give 'em the ol' salty knuckle. Of course - we'd never do it publicly. That's where Meyers loses us.
When Jonathan Rhys Meyers isn't running around New York unknowingly looking for his stupid musical prodigy son, he's punching Frenchies in the face. It's his passion, don't you know. Chances are you read that opening sentence and thought to yourself - "Yet another thing I have in common with that weird-eyed actor." Well who doesn't share that lust? Right? We absolutely love punching things that are French - be they sliced potatoes or Sarkozy ex-wives - we just want to give 'em the ol' salty knuckle. Of course - we'd never do it publicly. That's where Meyers loses us.
Cops Take Over $1m Dollars From Several Unkempt Phish Fans
If you're a fan of Phish and you're reading this through reddened eyes, you probably went to their recent reunion concert. And if you went to the reunion concert, at some point you more than likely woke up in the trunk of a car next to a spare tire and several bloodied police batons. Had you your senses about you, you'd have noticed there were 193 other unconscious people crammed in there with you - all of them wearing rainbowy shirts. That's because local police really cracked down at the show - enough so to confiscate over $1,000,000 in illegal drugs, among other things.
If you're a fan of Phish and you're reading this through reddened eyes, you probably went to their recent reunion concert. And if you went to the reunion concert, at some point you more than likely woke up in the trunk of a car next to a spare tire and several bloodied police batons. Had you your senses about you, you'd have noticed there were 193 other unconscious people crammed in there with you - all of them wearing rainbowy shirts. That's because local police really cracked down at the show - enough so to confiscate over $1,000,000 in illegal drugs, among other things.
Diddy Defies Police Gun-Search, Leaves Quickly
Sean Diddy Puffy Poof Combs is a true suburbs-hardened gangster with millions of dollars up his sleeves and several guns built right into his arms. We mean literally built right in, too - it makes him feel bionic or something. Originally he was supposed to use the arm-guns to fight crime, but now they're just for awesome power displays at the Source Awards. Gun arms or no gun arms though - recently as Puff was trying to enter a late night party, the cops were checking everyone for firearms. Combs got pissed, and then took off before the search began.
Sean Diddy Puffy Poof Combs is a true suburbs-hardened gangster with millions of dollars up his sleeves and several guns built right into his arms. We mean literally built right in, too - it makes him feel bionic or something. Originally he was supposed to use the arm-guns to fight crime, but now they're just for awesome power displays at the Source Awards. Gun arms or no gun arms though - recently as Puff was trying to enter a late night party, the cops were checking everyone for firearms. Combs got pissed, and then took off before the search began.
Sharon Osbourne Investigated For Reality Show ‘Thump Attack’
Just because Sharon Osbourne's face looks more and more like a novelty eraser shaped like a pineapple, you shouldn't mess with her. No, really, you shouldn't mess with Sharon Osbourne. And you shouldn't not mess with Sharon Osbourne, either. Because if you mess with Sharon Osbourne - or don't mess with Sharon Osbourne - then you'll end up getting attacked by her. Or not getting attacked by her. Vague enough? Good. Because Sharon Osbourne is being investigated by police after allegedly attacking a reality TV show contestant who may or may not called Ozzy Osbourne 'braindead'. We hope that clears things up.
Just because Sharon Osbourne's face looks more and more like a novelty eraser shaped like a pineapple, you shouldn't mess with her. No, really, you shouldn't mess with Sharon Osbourne. And you shouldn't not mess with Sharon Osbourne, either. Because if you mess with Sharon Osbourne - or don't mess with Sharon Osbourne - then you'll end up getting attacked by her. Or not getting attacked by her. Vague enough? Good. Because Sharon Osbourne is being investigated by police after allegedly attacking a reality TV show contestant who may or may not called Ozzy Osbourne 'braindead'. We hope that clears things up.
A Friday Quickie, To Tickle Your Comedy Gland
There are times in life when things look bad, when you don't see the point in much and when, well, you just downright hate things.
Then something happens that picks you up, makes you happy again and fills you with a beaming smile that somehow manages to envelop your entire body, filling your whole physical presence with joy from head to toe.
Take, for example, when a UFO sighting was reported somewhere
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Man Forbidden From Touching Cher, Requests Incarceration
Also, one day we'd really like to touch Cher - if we plan things right we can do it seconds before we touch that soap if you know what we mean. Some drunk in a bar was pretty set on touching her recently - he tried a whole bunch of times.
But alas, destiny was not in his favor, and she stabbed his throat instead.
She didn't stab him. We reiterate - Cher has never stabbed anybody. How could she? Her adult granddaughter was using the steak knife to cut Cher's meat into more age-friendly sizes.
hecklerspray is on a waiting list three-years long for the privilege of touching some soap that's said to have once washed the velvety-nethers of Louis Farrakhan during the million man march.
Also, one day we'd really like to touch Cher - if we plan things right we can do it seconds before we touch that soap if you know what we mean. Some drunk in a bar was pretty set on touching her recently - he tried a whole bunch of times.
But alas, destiny was not in his favor, and she stabbed his throat instead.
She didn't stab him. We reiterate - Cher has never stabbed anybody. How could she? Her adult granddaughter was using the steak knife to cut Cher's meat into more age-friendly sizes.
Cher can cut her own meat. We reiterate - Cher can cut her own meat.
Amy Winehouse Not Charged For Her Big Crack Video
Amy Winehouse is like a bad news magnet at the moment - apparently it's a magnet that also seems to repel soap. However, Amy Winehouse has received a rare nugget of good news today - police have confirmed that Amy won't be charged for that video of her apparently smoking crack like it's going out of fashion. What fantastic news! Now that this crack video palaver is out of her hair, all Amy Winehouse has to do is sort out her crumbling marriage, her multimillion-pound divorce, her drug addiction, her self-harming tendencies, her skin disease and literally single other thing regarding her personal and professional life and she'll be almost completely back on track. Go Amy!
Amy Winehouse is like a bad news magnet at the moment - apparently it's a magnet that also seems to repel soap. However, Amy Winehouse has received a rare nugget of good news today - police have confirmed that Amy won't be charged for that video of her apparently smoking crack like it's going out of fashion. What fantastic news! Now that this crack video palaver is out of her hair, all Amy Winehouse has to do is sort out her crumbling marriage, her multimillion-pound divorce, her drug addiction, her self-harming tendencies, her skin disease and literally single other thing regarding her personal and professional life and she'll be almost completely back on track. Go Amy!
Amy Winehouse Cautioned For Nutting That Good Samaritan
Amy Winehouse has done and got herself arrested. According to Sky News, the beehived-bandit spent last night in police custody on suspicion of the minor act of girl-assault and has been released this morning with a caution. Which basically means that her punishment (for headbutting one man who was reportedly trying to help her by hailing a taxi and punching another man in the face during an argument over a pool table) is that for the next five years she’ll have to tick the largely inconsequential ‘yes I got a caution’ box when travelling through customs. And as if that wasn’t punishment enough, it also all but ends her dreams of being accepted into the police force.
Amy Winehouse has done and got herself arrested. According to Sky News, the beehived-bandit spent last night in police custody on suspicion of the minor act of girl-assault and has been released this morning with a caution. Which basically means that her punishment (for headbutting one man who was reportedly trying to help her by hailing a taxi and punching another man in the face during an argument over a pool table) is that for the next five years she’ll have to tick the largely inconsequential ‘yes I got a caution’ box when travelling through customs. And as if that wasn’t punishment enough, it also all but ends her dreams of being accepted into the police force.
