Points Of View - HecklerSpray

Readers’ Letters: “The Ballad Of Rough Lesbian Sex” Or “How To Deal With A Slow Week”

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

You’re stunningly dull sometimes, readers.

We toil away, day after day writing some of the most libellous nonsense on the internet and all you have to say is “Ha.” or “Good work.” or maybe the occasional, “Yes, I agree with your pathological dislike of digestive biscuits”.

This week has seen our foetid pouch of correspondence whimper under the sheer weight of your tiresome opinions. Not once did we read something that truly shocked us and not once did we cry out with joy at someone’s obsessive missive. That being said, we have to make a feature out of it so here’s us over-reacting to your comments.

Readers’ Letters: “Gays Have No Rights” Or “How I Learned To Stop Thinking & Leave Youtube Comments”

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

God, look at you all.

Sat there in your ostentatious Ivory Towers looking down on us in our hecklerspray hovel as we scrap around trying to pick a living from the meagre bones of underweight celebrities. You sit in judgement of us like a Feudal Lord views his peasants with seeming omniscience.

You sit there with your lucky dip box at the ready, it loaded with randomly generated insults and put-downs designed to make us feel like the lowest of the low, like the dog dirt on the shoe of the internet, like Tim Westwood. Your words are designed to cut, to hurt but are said with the best interests at heart. You want to protect your favourite celebrity because you know- deep down- that they’re too disinterested or stupid to defend themselves.

Readers’ Letters: “This Dude Has Some Issues” Or “How I Learned To Stop Worrying & Take Loads Of Crack”

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

Well, knock us down with a feather. It must be that time of the week again.?The time when we force our hands into the stinking, wretched filth that comes into the hecklerspray mailbox.

To give you an idea of what our mailbag actually resembles, allow us to paint you a picture. With words. Imagine taking a bowl of delicious, ripe fruit and writing a series of misguided, offended or just plain idiotic messages on each pieces and then leaving it to rot. Then imagine putting the pulped, putrid remains of the fruit into a plastic carrier bag and leaving it in a very humid room for a couple of weeks.

Readers’ Letters: In Which You All Dribble Over Scarlett Johansson’s Breasts [Video]

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

Every week, we have the unfortunate task of picking our way through your crusted correspondence to find the most depraved, hideous scrawlings to put on the site for everyone to laugh at. This week, it was a little bit easier as our drooling mass of a readership left a slug trail right to some of the most sexually-charged content that has ever deposited itself in our post bag thanks to a certain Ms. Scarlett Johansson.

Yes, everyone’s favourite bombshell had her phone hacked as hecklerspray brought the curious masses a skin-exclusive and everyone wanted to get in touch to reveal their masturbatory habits. There’s also veiled threats from Kasabian’s representatives, a singing Michael Jackson and a screaming INXS nutter, all with Editor Mof just over the jump.