Hey! So you’ve seen American Pie, right? Yeah. So you’ve seen American Pie 2 too right? Of course you have. And then American Pie 3: The Wedding was a must, because of the high jinx.

Then you might as well watch American Pie 4: Band Camp, probably something about phallic instruments in that. And then there was number 5: The Naked Mile, and 6: Beta House. Can you imagine the raucous and outrageous behaviour that must have occurred in those two? We can’t, it’s just too much.

If you’re one of the 1% in the free world who can imagine that level of tomfoolery without your frontal lobes wandering off to the land of spontaneous outbursts, then you’re in for a treat. American Pie 7: The Book of Love! Don’t worry, Jim’s Dad is still in it as the cool, awkward, bit creepy sex guru. Not only that!!! Louisa Lytton is in it too! What? Yeah, she’s the one from EastEnders and The Bill. The trailer is after the jump. It gets better if you watch it when you’re drunk (that’s a lie)…

We all know that Heath Ledger sadly died of an overdose last year when filming The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus.

The resulting loss meant that an actor with outstanding potential couldn’t use his performance in The Dark Knight as a benchmark to elevate his career.

Ever since then, plenty of people have however decided to jump on the Heath Ledger bandwagon and literally mourned at the poor guy’s feet. Yes we did refer to him as that bummer cowboy, but so what? We had a vague idea of his previous career before his death unlike most people. Still, news continues to leak out about his apparent depressive nature even before The Dark Knight was filmed. Hold on tight for the most pointless thing you’ll read all day.

As soon as it was sadly announced that Heath Ledger had died, plenty of people decided that The Dark Knight came out, it would be deserving for him to win an Oscar in 2009. Consequently, plenty of people have launched pointless Facebook groups to try and make this happen.

But would this have happened if he had been alive and well? Probably not, we think, as we don’t see anyone screaming out for Slumdog Millionaire‘s director Danny Boyle to grab his first Oscar for his recent effort. Probably because he’s alive and well and still making films.

The Golden Globes did see Heath clinch an award, which is all good and well, but with Oscar season coming round will he get an award based on performance, or the good old sympathy vote? Because The Golden Globes did so shit in the TV ratings, it would make sense to give him the award to make the network happy for the Oscars, but then again we don’t know how the bigwigs of the TV world think.

Despite passing away in 2008, we are now getting some stories from all the way back in  2005 about the poor guy. Are people that obsessed with the dead? It seems so as the producer of gay cowboy flick Brokeback Mountain has strangely decided to let us know how Heath was feeling during the film.

Do we care? No not particularly as it was during a time when he was just another actor amongst the thousands of people trying to make a name for themselves. Luckily for him, his pansy antics got everyone in Hollywood excited. However, it seems he wasn’t the happiest of bunnies back then when the film was being made. They say that Heath felt:

“Alone and isolated. I think it was his sense of not getting the kind of warm support.”

There you go. He felt a bit lonely and needed a friend. Will we be seeing multiple chain emails and Facebook groups started up now that this fact has been blown wide open to our attention?

Probably not, although maybe it’s true what they say about dying and becoming more famous afterwards as more people babble on about your legacy.

Or as in the case of Heath Ledger, film fans who want to look like they supported him from the very beginning of his shitastic debut in Clowning Around.

Go on, think about it…

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We’re all for equality and making sure everyone is treated the same. Don’t believe us? Then ask Pablo, our Mexican cleaner.

Every day for his services for removing coffee stains and rancid mustard from our desks, he receives a shiny coin or a slice of pie. People who have previously called us ‘cruel heartless bastards’ need their heads looked at.

Sometimes however, it is best to keep people away from things that they aren’t good at. In rare cases such as Jade Goody and Paris Hilton, simple minded people have slipped through the cracks and appeared on TV. Granted they entertain us, we will begrudgingly admit, but so many better programmes could replace them.

When it comes to advertising vital items like car insurance, we tend to worry that this dumbing down may have gone a step too far. We get presented with a ‘simple’ man, trying to flog us car insurance.

Look at the pathetic sod; he doesn’t seem to know where he is or what he’s doing. He’d buy some grass cuttings from you with the belief they’ll grow into a magical beanstalk, he’s that retarded.

This begs the question: would you really buy something from him which probably offers both dinosaur insurance and asteroid cover?

No, we thought not.

Being a nobody is sure to be hard work, especially in the wonderful world of celebrity where it’s a constant struggle to get noticed.

To get noticed purely for being a no-talent twit with all the affability of a particularly itchy and prominently positioned boil, that is.

We at the mighty hecklerspray wouldn’t know about this from first-hand experience, of course, as we are friendly, approachable, talented and popular. As well as influential. But we learn how difficult it must be for these not-even-Z-listers that pop up every now and then when yet another publicity grabbing event occurs.

This time it’s the turn of Omarosa. Wait – who?

Ah – a ‘reality star’. Code, in this post-9/11 world for ‘utter nobody that for some reason still pollutes the airwaves with their pointless presence’. Or: ‘the American version of Jade Goody‘. Pointless, pointless people that drift through existence on a diet fit for a king, known by passers-by and actually liked by some members of the public. Solely because they once did one thing on some TV show or another.

Yes, this is the camp that Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth falls firmly into. And she’s helped her ‘I have nothing worthwhile to contribute to society’ quota no end with an appearance on The Wendy Williams Show on Monday, where she proceeded to have an argument with the host and generally be something of an attention-seeking waste of space.

Apparently irritated by the introduction she recieved to the show, Omarosa proceeded to rant, snatch back her book she was there to promote (probably called ‘How To Lose Friends, Alienate People, And Register Even Lower On The Celebrity Scale Than Toby Young’) and mock host Wendy Williams’ looks.

Well, it’s certainly an interesting take on the whole chat show guest thing, kind of bringing in a new level of idiocy to proceedings. Why bother politely accepting the fact that you’ve been deemed worthy of appearing on national television and are allowed a few minutes of time, to yourself, to hock whatever it is you want to sell to the plebs this week when you can be a complete knob about things and make the public that already dislike you hate you even more?

But hey, at least Wendy Williams managed to respond in a professional and thoroughly correct manner to the whole debacle, telling the Associated Press that she believed Omarosa to be:

“A delusional, D-list, pathetic woman.”

Now that’s a quote well and truly worthy of the giganto quote marks. Fancy a job at hecklerspray, Wendy?

Check it out for yourselves, folks: