Hey! So you’ve seen American Pie, right? Yeah. So you’ve seen American Pie 2 too right? Of course you have. And then American Pie 3: The Wedding was a must, because of the high jinx.
Then you might as well watch American Pie 4: Band Camp, probably something about phallic instruments in that. And then there was number 5: The Naked Mile, and 6: Beta House. Can you imagine the raucous and outrageous behaviour that must have occurred in those two? We can’t, it’s just too much.
If you’re one of the 1% in the free world who can imagine that level of tomfoolery without your frontal lobes wandering off to the land of spontaneous outbursts, then you’re in for a treat. American Pie 7: The Book of Love! Don’t worry, Jim’s Dad is still in it as the cool, awkward, bit creepy sex guru. Not only that!!! Louisa Lytton is in it too! What? Yeah, she’s the one from EastEnders and The Bill. The trailer is after the jump. It gets better if you watch it when you’re drunk (that’s a lie)…
We all know that Heath Ledger sadly died of an overdose last year when filming The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus.
The resulting loss meant that an actor with outstanding potential couldn’t use his performance in The Dark Knight as a benchmark to elevate his career.
Ever since then, plenty of people have however decided to jump on the Heath Ledger bandwagon and literally mourned at the poor guy’s feet. Yes we did refer to him as that bummer cowboy, but so what? We had a vague idea of his previous career before his death unlike most people. Still, news continues to leak out about his apparent depressive nature even before The Dark Knight was filmed. Hold on tight for the most pointless thing you’ll read all day.
We’re all for equality and making sure everyone is treated the same. Don’t believe us? Then ask Pablo, our Mexican cleaner.
Every day for his services for removing coffee stains and rancid mustard from our desks, he receives a shiny coin or a slice of pie. People who have previously called us ‘cruel heartless bastards’ need their heads looked at.
Sometimes however, it is best to keep people away from things that they aren’t good at. In rare cases such as Jade Goody and Paris Hilton, simple minded people have slipped through the cracks and appeared on TV. Granted they entertain us, we will begrudgingly admit, but so many better programmes could replace them.
When it comes to advertising vital items like car insurance, we tend to worry that this dumbing down may have gone a step too far. We get presented with a ‘simple’ man, trying to flog us car insurance.
Look at the pathetic sod; he doesn’t seem to know where he is or what he’s doing. He’d buy some grass cuttings from you with the belief they’ll grow into a magical beanstalk, he’s that retarded.
This begs the question: would you really buy something from him which probably offers both dinosaur insurance and asteroid cover?
Being a nobody is sure to be hard work, especially in the wonderful world of celebrity where it’s a constant struggle to get noticed.
To get noticed purely for being a no-talent twit with all the affability of a particularly itchy and prominently positioned boil, that is.
We at the mighty hecklerspray wouldn’t know about this from first-hand experience, of course, as we are friendly, approachable, talented and popular. As well as influential. But we learn how difficult it must be for these not-even-Z-listers that pop up every now and then when yet another publicity grabbing event occurs.
Hey! So you’ve seen American Pie, right? Yeah. So you’ve seen American Pie 2 too right? Of course you have. And then American Pie 3: The Wedding was a must, because of the high jinx. 
