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Shannon Tweed Nude – Softcore Goddess of the 90’s (235 PICS)

Shannon Tweed shot to fame as the gorgeous blonde who became 1982’s Playboy Playmate of the Year. Hollywood took notice and Hef’s former live-in found herself with a coveted role in Hot Dog…The Movie. But she didn’t stop there.

Tweed went on to dazzle audiences with juicy parts in Meatballs III: Summer Job and Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death. But her most prestigious role turned out to be the better half of rocker Gene Simmons. The pair produced two kids, which was just the right number for a reality television show.

Holly Madison Insures Her Lady Lumps For $1 Million

September 30th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

If you've ever been told to stop making a boob of yourself, then usually you're doing something stupid like stirring a cup of coffee with your wang. Just us? Anyway, in the case of Holly Madison, if she didn't have her busters, her income would dry up faster than a cream-cracker in the Mojave Desert.

When Holly was growing up, she didn't want to be a doctor. Instead, her dream was to walk around in hardly any clothing whilst her employee Hugh Hefner furiously rubbed his thighs so much that his shrivelled love stick would get a friction burn.

Unless she has a fetish for pensioners, Holly Madison was one of Hefner?s many paid girlfriends, but now she’s free from wrinkled clutches, she’s being her own woman! Sadly, feminists will be dismayed to hear that she still requires her chest to get through life and has just taken out an insurance plan on her knockers.

Kiss’ Gene Simmons To Finally Take His Gigantic Tongue Down The Aisle

September 2nd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Gene Simmons is a man who says he loves women folk, but you get the distinct impression that he actually hates them. Or, worse still, is afraid of them. That’s why he’s always unfurling that gigantic tongue of his at them.

As an aside, it’s hard to picture what went on when he bunked up with Diana Ross. She so slight that you can imagine he wore her like a glove puppet on his monstrous mouth piece.

Either way, all that’s behind him now as he’s all set to make an honest man of himself and marry his fiance of three decades, Shannon Tweed.

Hugh Hefner Keen To Point At His Own Crotch And Shout ‘I Use It All The Time And Not Just For Doing A Toilet’

August 1st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Hugh Hefner is not a happy man. Is it because he sincerely thought Crystal Harris was his true love and there was genuine shock and misery at her jilting him at the altar, before going on to say nasty things about his prowess in the bedroom?

Or is it because his male pride is taking an absolute hammering?

Whatever it is, he’s not about to start taking insults from an air-head like that! No way! So is he coming out fighting and saying that she has unsightly moles on her mons or that she actually has a dozen teats down her stomach like some pig in a boob tube? Of course he isn’t. He’s pointed at his chap and saying ‘Yeah? I totally do sex with it all the time. Like, a million times a day. And all the women can’t walk properly. After I’ve had sex with them I mean. I’m not using my wonder wand on people in wheelchairs. Although I would because I’ve got no problem with them. Can I have a lie down now? A normal one, not a sex one. Thanks. I get ever so tired.’

Crystal Harris Never Saw Hugh Hefner Naked (So Let Us Show You Then)

July 27th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

We were all pretty shocked when Crystal Harris decided to ditch Playboy founder, Hugh Hefner, just days before she was due to walk up the altar. They seemed like such a lovely couple. Perfect for each other in fact!

Alas, it wasn’t to be and us mere mortals were denied the greatest love story ever told.

Not that there was much lovin’ going on. See, Crystal has decided to spill the beans on the couple’s sex life… or should we say, lack of it. So little nookie was had that Harris claims that she never even saw Hef naked. As a little treat for her, we’ve decided to share our picture of Hefner with no clothes on with her.

Hugh Hefner Surely Invented A Cloning Machine

June 29th, 2011 By Amy Grindhouse

Hugh Hefner has invented a cloning machine. We’re presupposing as much because yet another girlfriend has been added to Hugh’s arsenal of glorified ladies of the night. Ever heard of November 2011 Playboy Playmate Shera Bechard? No? Us neither.

A little too old for his tastes, we think, Shera is the 27-year-old new girlfriend of the 85-year-old smut-peddler. Yes, that’s another one since last Monday when he confirmed that Anne Sophie Berglund and the Shannon twins were back in his harem.

In what reads like the world’s most convoluted ploy for publicity, Hugh has used the break-up with Crystal Harris to pimp his forthcoming Playboy issues and the latest non-descript blonde who’s going to age out within a year.

Hugh Hefner Has Moved On To Anonymous, Replaceable Woman #24

June 20th, 2011 By Michael Park

It takes a lot of work to be described as a legend. You have to be dedicated to what you do and do it well for years of your life. Eventually, your achievement is such that your creation will be on any imaginable number of products that make less and less sense. Imagine your logo on bottle openers and the front of thongs! Imagine! The logo that has become synonymous with the objectification of women or, as others like to think of it, baps and bush.

Imagine you created that. Imagine you’re Hugh Hefner. Just take thirty seconds and imagine that. Have you lost your erection and/or heightened state of sexual arousal? Yes, of course you have.

Shrivelled titfid Hugh Hefner is reported to have moved on from ex-fianc?e?Crystal Harris, ?despite their engagement only ending last week. The renowned smoking jacket wearer is said to have been so aroused by his new ‘target’ that he almost managed to allow enough blood to rush to his flaccid member to allow its non-artificial engorgement. That’s love in the Playboy Mansion.

Shock As Hugh Hefner’s Impending Marriage To Crystal Harris Doesn’t Work Out

June 15th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

In perhaps the most shocking news of… well… an entire generation of human beings, Hugh Hefner’s relationship with Crystal Harris is over. Who would have ever thought that those two – one a similar age to fossil fuels, the other a 25 year old with dollar signs in her eyes – wouldn’t work out?

And all this happened 5 days before their wedding, which was going to be entirely pink.

Shame. We would have liked to see Hef in a pink tux, struggling to stay on his feet for the duration of a wedding service while a young woman stood beside him, licking her lips seductively at Hugh’s younger pals.

Hugh Hefner’s Bride To Wear Pink At The Classiest Wedding In History

April 19th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Hugh Hefner is old so it is funny that he’s getting married, especially given that his wife-to-be is roughly 6000 years younger than him. It gives us the opportunity to snigger at the potential bedroom antics of the newlyweds, with Hef trying to develop enough moisture to cry as his erection fails him once more.

And seeing as he’s got a face like a newborn’s hand, Hefner’s bride-to-be Crystal Harris, is clearly marrying him because she really, really loves him and not at all for his vast fortune amassed from padding around in a dressing gown and gurgling at naked Aryans (in fairness to Hugh, we bet he’s cracking company around the dinner table and has the most amazing anecdotes in the celeb world).

With this being a wedding which everyone thinks is plain stupid, Crystal will be wearing pink as Hugh takes her up the aisle.

170 People Probably Have Legionnaires Disease At Playboy Mansion: Everyone Looks Suspiciously At Hugh Hefner Because He’s So Old

February 15th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Of all the diseases you could catch at the Playboy Mansion, legionnaires is probably pretty low down the list. It’s kinda cool that Playboy should revive such a retro disease though. Legionnaires hasn’t really been in the news since the late ’80s, which incidentally, was the last known erection maintained by Hugh Hefner.

You read that right slutbags. 170 people who have been ‘entertained’ at the bunny estate have fallen ill and now, official types are ‘reluctantly’ going to the mansion to check things out.

And possibly stare at girls with no clothes on. That was implied, but we thought we’d spell it out for you because we’ve got such a low opinion of you readers.