Barry Manilow, these days, looks like a man constantly doing a bank robbery with a pair of tights squeezed over that peculiar face of his. That’s the perils of indulging in FAR TOO MUCH plastic surgery folks!
And now, Baz The Manilow is shuffling to recovery after undergoing hip replacement surgery, like he’s someone’s nan.
Of course, now he’s got new hips, only his eyeballs are the things he was born with, leaving absolutely everything else constructed by now incredibly wealthy plastic surgeons. Basically, he’s the Frankenstein’s Monster of MOR.
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It must be awful when you’ve become so fat, so disgustingly obese, so very massive that you have you’re own blood group and that blood group is Rocky Road.
So absurdly gargantuan that the only way to way to lose weight is resort to some serious cosmetic surgery that sucks out all the little fat babies that Domino’s Pizza lay inside you and sends them to lipid Heaven.
Sounds horrible doesn’t it?
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Simon Cowell isn’t looking as old as he used to. Sure, he’s looking weirder than he used to, but that’s clearly down to American dentistry, leaving him looking like a boiled potato with some dentures jammed in.
While you may think the music mogul/overlord has been under the surgeon’s knife, well, you may well be right. We’ve no idea. We’re more interested in the news that he’s been swigging a magic potion to thwart the ravages of time.
But is it so magic that it will reverse the ageing process so much that he will return to his baby form, gurgling and filling his high-waisted trousers with liquid green crap?
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Heidi Montag got a number of cosmetic procedures, for the purpose of selling magazine covers and also for ratings on her (recently cancelled) TV show.
To be honest, it was a big waste of time. The reality star got most of the procedures just for the sake of keeping herself amused. You know, like when you’re at the shops and you can’t remember what you wanted so you fill your basket with jelly babies and nothing else just so that you don’t go home empty-handed.
During a radio interview with Ryan Seacrest on Monday, Heidi revealed more details about those ten surgeries in one day. You remember, it was the day the sky became black and the ground rumbled as Heidi made that particular deal with the devil. Well, that was also the day Heidi got assorted pointless procedures including nose, cheekbone and chin jobs, an eyebrow lift, a breast enlargement, and fat injections. None of which made her look that much better. It has been about five months since the surgeries and her face still looks puffy. The only striking differences are her chin, which she had filed down, and her ridiculous boobs.
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Remember Chantelle Houghton?
Sure you do – she was the winner of Celebrity Big Brother a couple of years ago, back when people actually watched it and the show wasn't relegated to E4 with an audience consisting entirely of Dermot O' Leary's mother (who only tuned in out of a sense of grim, WW2-like duty).
Well, brace yourselves. Bet you all thought that Chantelle's naturally graceful poise and beauty was just the result of superior breeding, didn't you? Bet you wept tears of jealousy knowing that a mere mortal like yourself could never attain such heights of genetic perfection? Fear not, children. It turns out that your bitter, fuming, stranger-stabbing envy was completely unfounded.
Chantelle, you see – and a number of other pointless oxygen-thieving 'celebrities' – have apparently been treating themselves to a bit of discount plastic surgery every now and then.
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You may have seen photos of Michael Jackson's bruised and scarred new face – but so what? 'Michael Jackson Has Plastic Surgery' isn't news, it's an event so regular that horologists use it to keep timepieces accurate.
But 'Michael Jackson Has Plastic Surgery Because He Was Punched In The Face By A Child And His Lips Exploded' – now that's news. Fortunately, that seems to be the exact thing that happened to Michael Jackson recently. According to reports, the reason why Michael Jackson suddenly needed surgery on his face was because his five-year-old son Prince Michael II accidentally smacked him, causing his mouth to 'burst and collapse' in the style of a gruesome straight-to-DVD horror movie. Reports that Prince Michael II then went for a knife, wailing "And this is for You Rock My World" are as yet unconfirmed.
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Kanye West never made any secret of how much his mother Dr Donda West meant to him, filling his albums with mentions of her and, in one case, an entire song dedicated to her.
But now Donda West is dead at the tragically young age of 58, and it's time for Kanye West and the authorities to find out why. At the moment the finger seems to be pointing to complications arising from a cosmetic surgery procedure, possibly involving an existing heart condition. Regardless of whose mother she was, Donda West's death will come as a shock to the increasing number of people who see cosmetic surgery as a completely harmless routine procedure. Although the majority of plastic surgery operations go smoothly, chances are the world is asking the same question today: why Kanye West's mother and not, say, Jodie Marsh?
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