Pirates Of The Caribbean 4

Russell Brand Set To Ruin Pirates Of The Caribbean 4

March 25th, 2009 By Matthew Laidlow

Why are pirates ace? Because they AARRRRGGH! And what do most pirates eat when they’re not at sea? Whopp-ARRRS.

With the Pirates Of The Caribbean series being stupidly successful for Disney, it would only seem appropriate to squeeze out another film to, um, complete the trilogy. However that’s already been arsed up by Orlando Bloom not bothering to return to the seven seas. But fear not, for serial shagger and poor man’s Fonejacker Russell Brand is being lined up to play the brother of Captain Jack Sparrow.

At the current rate, this film will be worth watching for a level of comedy casting not seen since Billy Connolly‘s single wide-eyed expression in the latest X-Files movie.

Zac Efron Not Starring In Pirates Of The Caribbean 4. Yet.

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Until now there’s been one reason and one reason alone to look forward to Pirates Of The Caribbean 4 – no Orlando Bloom.

But now there’s another reason that’s equally uplifting – not only will Orlando Bloom not foul up Pirates Of The Caribbean 4, but nor will Zac Efron from High School Musical. Contrary to rumours suggesting that Zac Efron had signed on to play Johnny Depp‘s son in the fourth Pirates Of The Caribbean movie, it’s been revealed that no such deal has been made.

Yet. Despite the denial, Zac Efron isn’t hiding his enthusiasm for a role in Pirates Of The Caribbean 4. But if he does eventually get the job, producers will have to find a clever way to explain his presence in the movie. We suggest a flashback to Captain Jack Sparrow having it off with a charisma-free injection-moulded shop dummy and somehow getting it pregnant. Nobody could argue with logic like that.

Tim Burton To Deconfuse Pirates Of The Caribbean 4?

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Helena Bonham Carter should learn swordfighting quickly, because if Tim Burton is tapped to direct Pirates Of The Caribbean 4, she’ll have to be in it.

Oh, didn’t we mention? Tim Burton might be directing Pirates Of The Caribbean 4. It’s just a rumour for now, but Disney is thought to want to retain Burton’s services after he’s finished with Alice In Wonderland if Pirates Of The Caribbean director Gore Verbinski gets bored of it all.

Of course, hiring Tim Burton for Pirates Of The Caribbean 4 might seem like something of a risk, but it really isn’t – after all, Pirates Of The Caribbean 3 went on for about 15 hours and couldn’t have made any less sense if it was an East European claymation film about the inside of a twig, so there’s genuinely nothing that Tim Burton could do that would bugger the series up any further.