Pedestrian noodle-rockers, Pink Floyd, are going to stop bickering pointlessly with each other just long enough to play some music together because, clearly, someone in the ranks is feeling the pinch of a giant mortgage payment.

That, or they’re just too needy for huge amounts of cloying sycophancy which will inevitably greet each week-long guitar solo and muted fart they do.

So what’s the craic then?

Well, the surviving members of the band (aka, those that didn’t get literally bored to death by the Pink Floyd back catalogue) are looking likely to get together again for the London 2012 Olympics in some way.

Of course, they last did something like this when they were upstaged by Snoop Dogg at Live 8 in 2005.

An insider told the Daily Express newspaper:

“Its long been made clear it would take something very special to get Pink Floyd back together again and it doesn’t get any bigger than the Olympics.”

“Like Sir Paul [McCartney, who is tipped to open the event], they have been a major part of the nation’s culture over the past 40 years and it will be very fitting that they’re involved when London is on show to the world. It’s hoped everything can be confirmed in the coming weeks.”

Of course, not one bit of this story matters because, as we all know, whether Pink Floyd got back together or not, they can do absolutely no wrong in the eyes of their awful, awful fans.

Besides, those awful, awful fans will already know all about this because they’ve done nothing but read Pink Floyd forums for their ENTIRE, DREARY LIVES.

Either way, nice to know that these Olympics will showcase how great England is by not getting a new band to play in favour of a bunch of old men who can’t stand each other.

Bickering, pointless rock penises – Pink Floyd – are complaining and moaning again. Despite being wealthy enough to buy several moons, they’ve been in a legal battle with EMI, only to sign-up with them again once they’d finished folding their collective arms and pouting so much that every surviving member now has pulled muscles in their many chins.

If you didn’t know, Pink Floyd have been in a legal battle with EMI and recently won a court ruling over a deal signed in the pre-download age regarding digital sales.

That’s really interesting isn’t it?

EMI, really doling out the excitement, said:

“All legal disputes between the band and the company have been settled as a result of this new deal”

Whooooop! Pink Floyd, who have sold more than 200 million albums, mainly thanks to people being curious about whether Dark Side Of The Moon is actually as good as Best Albums Ever Made polls claim (it isn’t), have been with EMI since the ’60s and have now signed a new deal which will last for a further 5 years.

In that time, they’ll release precisely zero albums and call each other horrible names on a weekly basis, until one of them dies prematurely, leaving them to make tributes about each other, saying “wish we’d never argued in the first place! How short and cruel life is!”

Of course, even though they’ve signed up with EMI again, they’re still sulking about it.

Acts like The Rolling Stones, Paul McCartney, Queen and Radiohead have all left the label since it was taken over by Terra Firma who, in fairness, seem like a bunch of shark headed bastards.

Nick Mason told the BBC that he was “very fond” of EMI didn’t like “the gang known as ‘business affairs’ [who] have taken over the running of the company”.

“I look back with considerable fondness to the days when it was the entrepreneurs and individuals who actually ran these companies and created something that was about the music”

And let bands get away with releasing overly long stoner boner-fests like ‘Ummagumma’ or allow bands to write half baked lyrics like “bus stop rat bag ha ha“.

Announcing the new deal, EMI chief executive Roger Faxon shouted over the fleet of revving vintage sports cars, all set off by the surly surviving members of The Floyd:

“Pink Floyd are one of the most important and influential bands of all time and I know I speak for everyone at EMI when I say that it is a privilege to have the opportunity to work with them.”

Whether Roger Faxon likes Syd-era Floyd the best is still unclear, but chances are, no-one gives two shits. So that’d be that then.

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Sometimes a musical happening will occur that will leave you spellbound for years to come, and other times a dull old man will play a bunch of overplayed decades-old songs that only idiot students think are deep.

Roger Waters from Pink Floyd has just been announced as the headliner of this year's Coachella festival, and he's going to play Dark Side Of The Moon all the way through.

So, you know, guess which category that's going to fall into.

The Coachella festival prides itself on its array of showstopping, bank-breaking headliners, whether it's convincing Madonna to play her first-ever festival or somehow getting Rage Against The Machine to reform. But this year? This year Coachella has something incredibly special up its sleeve.

Well, something special if you're a wizened old hippy who enjoys muttering things like "you kids these days, you don't know what real music is" or a teenager who thinks that calling a song Time and putting the sound of some clocks in it is, like, a really profound statement – that's right, former Pink Floyd member Roger Waters is going to perform Dark Side Of The Moon in its entirety! On the kazoo!

OK, maybe not on the kazoo, but Roger Waters is still going to do the whole Dark Side Of The Moon thing at Coachella in April. It'll be the first thing of note that Roger Waters has done since Pink Floyd reformed for Live 8 and instantly helped to stop global warming, or save the whales or end poverty or get Bob Geldof on the telly a bit more or whatever the hell Live 8 was supposed to be about.

But now everyone wants to know how Roger Waters will go about covering Dark Side Of The Moon without the aid of the other Pink Floyd members. Will it be a traditional replaying of the album, or will it be like when Roger Waters played Glastonbury in 2002 and basically just stood around making his guitar fart through a billion speakers all over the site at once?

But, hey, if watching a 64-year-old man play a bunch of wanky, overlong, 35-year-old songs in a field doesn't fill you with joy – if you want a bit of zip and pizazz in tour music – the Coachella has still got plenty for you. As well as Roger Waters, Coachella will also play host to The Verve, Portishead, Jack Johnson and My Morning Jacket. 

So even if you're not a fan of tedious 35-year-old prog, you can always go and see tedious 10-year-old prog, tedious 14-year-old vaguely electronic prog, one tedious man with an acoustic guitar mumbling about sunsets or a tedious echoey hippy singing Neil Young cover versions.

See? Something for everyone.   

Read more:

Roger Waters to play southern California festival - Reuters