Every superhero has a weakness. Superman has kryptonite, Batman has young boys in capes and sexy leggings, and to beat Spider-Man all you really have to do is move your crime syndicate to a prairie. It really is that easy.

To defeat Wolverine, on the other hand, may take a little more work. After all, he’s got those steel fingers he always seems to cut things up with. How’s a person supposed to get around a weapon like that? The answer, of course, it that they can’t.

Pigs can though – especially Mexican pigs with runny noses and a burning fever.

Having already seen the film illegally over 10 times, we can say with a high degree of certainty that it would have been much better if the love-making scene between Wolverine and Magneto had just been limited to 20 minutes. Instead the writers and or producers thought it’d be a good idea to make that night-time romp the bulk of the plot. Sure, at first it seemed sexy enough, but a normal person can only tolerate Ian McKellen playfully choking on Hugh Jackman’s chest hair so many times.

Seriously – how that thing avoided an R rating we’ll never know.

One thing it didn’t avoid, however, is the swine flu (it’s like the bird flu only better). If what we understand is true, then every single trained movie-house projectionist in Mexico has recently died or something, so the movie premiere of X-Men Origins: Wolverine has been seriously hampered.

Or as E! Online explains it:

“Wednesday’s all-star Mexico City premiere of X-Men Origins: Wolverine has been scrapped due to the region’s deadly swine-flu outbreak, 20th Century Fox confirmed today.”

If you ask us this is all just another example of Mexico’s unwieldy rudeness. First they clog our Home Depot parking lots, then turn all the money we give them for roads into a governor’s backyard swimming pool with a crazy Spanish colour-scheme, and now this?

No! No Mexico! We are putting our foot down. We have given you the best that we can give, that being in this case a pretty good opportunity for your cartels to put an unsuspecting Hugh Jackman in one of your fancy border-town body bags, and this is how you treat us? With an epidemic?

He doesn’t really have those claws you know. Is that what you thought Mexico? That those special effects were real? You’re so stupid Mexico! What do they teach you in those three-walled schools of yours!

And while we’re at it – you really should treat Paraguayans with respect!

They’re human beings Mexico!

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But Roger Waters‘ Coachella set was livened up by one tiny thing – the moment when his giant inflatable pig broke free and blew off. Blew off into the desert. Get your minds out of the gutter. Cuh!

And the escape of Roger Waters’ big pig has been the talk of the town ever since, with extensive discussions in the press and monetary rewards being offered to whoever recovered it first. Anything, in fact, to take people’s minds off the fact that they’d just basically exchanged $270 for a week of agonising lower back pain and an eighth of a day spent listening to an old posho bleat on about Southampton.

This is just a theory, but we’re starting to think that Coachella organisers don’t want people to go to their little festival. Every year they try to scare everyone away, either by hiring an old lady to dance around in a leotard or persuading a bunch of angry boys to scream abuse at everyone, and this year they must have thought they’d stumbled across the holy grail of audience repellents – Roger Waters from Pink Floyd.

Because, honestly, if we wanted to listen to an old man go over his past achievements word for word in brain-numbing detail for the millionth time surrounded by drooling medicated fartheads, we’d go and visit our Grandpa in the nursing home. And we don’t like doing that because it reminds us that we’ll die one day.

However, Roger Waters was performing Dark Side Of The Moon in full at Coachella, so he drew a huge crowd of people eager to discover what an album they’ve already played to death sounds like when they have to jam themselves in between a bunch of hippies who’ve curled elastic bands into their beards and listen to them bleat on about how deep it is for Roger Waters to turn some green lights on during a song called Money because money is, like, green. And being pretty sure they’re suffering from the early stages of heatstroke. Man.

Anyway, long story short, Roger Waters did the old inflatable pig trick during his set, but it accidentally blew away and some people got sad until they found it in the desert later. And apparently that’s news now. The Telegraph reports:

A huge inflatable pig bearing the word “Obama” which went missing in the California desert after it was released into the sky during a music festival has been found. The pig, which disappeared following a show by Pink Floyd frontman Roger Waters at the Coachella music festival on Sunday. was found by two families on their driveways in La Quinta, California. They will split the $10,000 (£5,090) reward offered by the festival, according to the BBC.

Apparently, as well as telling the residents of California to vote for Barack Obama almost three months after they had the ability to do so, the giant pig also “displayed the words ‘Don’t be led to the slaughter’ and a cartoon of Uncle Sam holding two bloody cleavers. The other side read ‘Fear builds walls.” See? You can take the hippy out of the sixties, but you can’t stop him being an insufferable overbearing dick.

Read more:

Pink Floyd’s flying ‘Obama’ pig found – Telegraph