In the UK, the only real battle we have is between “Team Peter” and “Team Katie.” Whilst they’re both like persistant scabs who scar the celebrity landscape, people are genuinely torn between who they prefer. Do you go for the ex-tit model or a bloke who is so fame hungry, that he went back into the “I’m A Celebrity” Jungle of Obscurity?
Over in America, there are loads of couples who frequently split up once they’ve bagged the cash for the wedding tie-in photos or TV special. Ain’t that right Kim Kardashian? Occasionally though, a celeb breakup can be real and quite literally messy as Rihanna found out when human Muppet impersonator Chris Brown splattered her pretty face across the inside of his car with his fists.
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Charlotte Church likes a drink. She’s by no means an alcoholic, but she doesn’t half like a night out on the tiles. However, sometimes, you can stick a bit too much booze away and end up making a fool of yourself.
When you’re a celebrity, it isn’t advisable that you get so drunk that you do stupid things because the caring general public are likely to whip out their phones and film you acting the goat.
And in the case of our Charlotte, she’s been allegedly filmed with her underpants around her ankles… and yes… we’ve got a grotty picture of said event.
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Spring is in the air, those gloomy winter days are behind us for another year and we can look forward to all of the joys that the sunshine brings: flowers blooming, birds singing and, most importantly, BOOBS!
That’s right, it’s the time of year where celebrity clothes disappear at the same rate as clouds.
This week we’ve been treated to many a celebrity disrobing, so we’ll break them down one by one… over the jump you penises.
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Twilight fans, otherwise known as Twihards or obese pre-pubescent girls who need to go outside once in a while, are a notoriously crazy bunch. But one woman is determined to out crazy all of them by claiming she has some sort of right to be famous due to some arbitrary link with the series.
Hand model Kimbra Hickey, a woman who we’re sure has made up both her name and her job in order to appear slightly interesting, claims that it’s time she got her 15 minutes of fame from the poorly-written faux-Vampire franchise as it’s her hands that appear on the cover of the first book.
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Every time a new cast of Skins is announced, people mourn the last lot who they initially slagged off, but eventually ended up furiously masturbating over. So why not cut out all the moaning and crying about how much you’ll miss Simpie, Razzle and Dimpo (or whatever the last lot were called) and just make with the wanking right now?
E4 has announced the names of the new cast members on Skins and, as ever, the two year cull has brought new faces, whittled down from 7,000 hopefuls who auditioned.
Don’t worry. There’s a bigger picture to stare at after the jump. Read More >>>
Katy Perry burst onto the popscene with a selection of tracks that were either going to go and die in the needy-outrage bin or, as it transpired, dazzle Ver Kidz by being so gratingly brash and juggernautesque that no-one stood a chance.
Then, something changed. Some stayed rooted in the ‘She Does My Head In’ camp whilst everyone else started to ‘get it’. By getting it, that means a lot of women suddenly started liking her camp ’50s schtick and men liked looking at her rather sociable boobs. Boobs, as it happens, that can fire cream out of them. And then she went and spoiled it all by getting hitched up with a spindly legged Thesaurus.
But fear not flesh fans… Katy Perry’s new album has a lot of skin and a whole lack of Russell Brand (and we have a picture of it over the jump).
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Having seen off the threat of Islamic terrorism with his recent Israel concert, Paul McCartney is now going after the real menace – the Fillet-O-Fish.
Paul McCartney has chosen to summon up all the energy in his wrinkly little body to call on his fans to boycott McDonald’s. Not because of the deforestation caused by the fast food industry’s mass farming practises, though, or McDonald’s aggressive child-centric marketing, or even the potential health risks inherent in a predominantly fast food diet.
No, Paul McCartney wants everyone to boycott McDonald’s because someone put a photo of Paul McCartney up in a Liverpool branch without asking him first. Come back next week, when Paul McCartney tries to ban abortion because he heard that someone who aborted her pregnancy once hummed three notes from Love Me Do for one and a half seconds in a shower on her own in 1975.
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Well its always been a matter of time. Britney Spears has pictures of Paris Hilton without her fake eye, and is demanding Hilton be her full-term surrogate mother before those photos are destroyed.
Paris Hilton’s gaping socket is said to be greasy, black and chock full of dead-end veins. Britney Spears is said to have gotten the pic while Hilton chased her eye-chewing purse-dog around a sticky coffee table.
We’re just kidding of course. Hilton doesn’t have a glass eye, she’s got a crooked one – its still attached to head muscles and everything.
Even if she did have a glass eye we’re sure Spears wouldn’t be cruel enough to hold it over her. Brits would, however, be cruel enough to threaten the socialite with incriminating lesbian pics recently captured on film.
Oh, she’d do that alright.
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