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Miley Cyrus Topless Photo: The Dim-Witted Apology

by Stuart Heritage

Paedophile wish-fulfillment tweenbot Miley Cyrus is at it again – and this time her 15-year-old breasts are coming along for the ride too.

As if the recent internet photos of Miley Cyrus whipping her bra out around rolling on a boy’s lap in her underwear weren’t enough, now the web is abuzz with a brand new picture – a picture that showsMiley Cyrus completely topless, or at least as topless as you can be when you’re covered in a blanket. And what’s more, this topless Miley Cyrus photo was taken for well-known spank rag Vanity Fair by that filthy pornographer Annie Leibovitz.

OK, so what actually happened was that one of the world’s most famous photographers took a picture of Miley Cyrus that isn’t really very naked in the slightest. But, hey, that hasn’t stopped Miley Cyrus from apologising for it, the stupid teenage twit.

Paedophile wish-fulfillment tweenbot Miley Cyrus is at it again - and this time her 15-year-old breasts are coming along for the ride too. As if the recent internet photos of Miley Cyrus whipping her bra out around rolling on a boy's lap in her underwear weren't enough, now the web is abuzz with a brand new picture - a picture that showsMiley Cyrus completely topless, or at least as topless as you can be when you're covered in a blanket. And what's more, this topless Miley Cyrus photo was taken for well-known spank rag Vanity Fair by that filthy pornographer Annie Leibovitz. OK, so what actually happened was that one of the world's most famous photographers took a picture of Miley Cyrus that isn't really very naked in the slightest. But, hey, that hasn't stopped Miley Cyrus from apologising for it, the stupid teenage twit.
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Inevitable Miley Cyrus Underwear Pictures Finally Hit Web

by Stuart Heritage

Oh come on, mucky internet Miley Cyrus pictures were always an inevitability – she’s both a tween star and a country singer’s daughter, for god’s sake.

So don’t act all surprised now that a set of photos of 15-year-old Miley Cyrus yanking down her top to show off her bra and rolling around on a boy’s lap in just her underwear have emerged. And don’t act all alarmed either – although admittedly it’s not perfect role model behaviour, Miley Cyrus is a normal teenage girl, and this is what all normal teenage girls do.

Wait, no, actually that’s wrong – what we meant to say there was that this is what all normal teenage girls do in the minds of creepy old yellow-toothed men who hang around school gates at playtime and faintly smell of stale semen. But that’s close enough. Congratulations Miley Cyrus! You’re living the dream!

Oh come on, mucky internet Miley Cyrus pictures were always an inevitability - she's both a tween star and a country singer's daughter, for god's sake. So don't act all surprised now that a set of photos of 15-year-old Miley Cyrus yanking down her top to show off her bra and rolling around on a boy's lap in just her underwear have emerged. And don't act all alarmed either - although admittedly it's not perfect role model behaviour, Miley Cyrus is a normal teenage girl, and this is what all normal teenage girls do. Wait, no, actually that's wrong - what we meant to say there was that this is what all normal teenage girls do in the minds of creepy old yellow-toothed men who hang around school gates at playtime and faintly smell of stale semen. But that's close enough. Congratulations Miley Cyrus! You're living the dream!
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Kristin Davis Sex Tape Might Not Actually Star Kristin Davis

by Stuart Heritage

Sex tape karma is a beautiful thing – after making us pray for blindness with the Gene Simmons sex tape, it’s now repaying us with a Kristin Davis sex tape.

You know, Kristin Davis. The uppity one from Sex And The City. There’s a Kristin Davis sex tape. And there’s not even a second of 1980s power-ballad in there at all. Take that, Simmons.

Except, wait, buckle your belt back up – Kristin Davis says that the Kristin Davis sex tape is a phony. That’s not her in the sex tape gobbling on a man’s genitals or in the accompanying pictures sitting on a toilet with her minge sticking out, Kristin says. She only knows because in the real Kristin Davis sex tape she’s wearing a pony saddle, a pair of safety goggles and is covered head-to-toe in bacon. We heard.

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Out Now: The Naked Diablo Cody Pictures You Never Asked To See

by Stuart Heritage

It’s been a vintage month for stomach-churning celebrity nudity, what with Lindsay Lohan’s naked boobs and Gene Simmons’ bare pecker.

But now, making a last-ditch attempt to claim the prize of February 2008′s least-wanted nude body, comes a set of naked Diablo Cody pictures.

That’s right, a collection of naked photographs of Oscar-winning Juno screenwriter Diablo Cody have hit the internet in a big way. And we haven’t been this aroused by pictures of a writer since 1987′s thankfully-forgotten Playgirl magazine centrefold spread featuring Sir Tom Stoppard, Ingmar Bergman and 46 litres of industrial-strength water-based personal lubricant.

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Jennifer Lopez’s Twins To Be Insanely Freaking Rich

by Stuart Heritage

Here’s a conundrum: you see two magazines, one that promises exclusive pictures of Jennifer Lopez and her new twins and another one that’s about generic mid-20th century brickwork – which do you buy?

No question – the brickwork one every time. Because a) hey, bricks, woo, and b) you really couldn’t give a tenth of a rat’s chuff about anything to do with Jennifer Lopez.

Still, that hasn’t stopped People magazine from paying an estimated $6 million for exclusive American distribution rights for Jennifer Lopez’s baby photos. We honestly can’t see how Jennifer Lopez is that much of a draw, so maybe People has heard something we don’t know – maybe J-Lo’s twins are co-joined at the arse or something. Yes, that’s definitely it.

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So That’s What Nicole Richie’s Baby Looks Like

by Stuart Heritage

Photos of what are claimed to be Nicole Richie’s newborn baby daughter Harlow Winter have appeared online, giving away vital clues as to what she looks like.

And here’s a newsflash – Nicole Richie’s newborn baby daughter Harlow Winter looks like a bloody baby. Small? Check. Wrinkly? Check. Wearing a nappy? Check. Liable to scream and shit itself at the same time? Check.

Of course, we could be wrong and the pictures might not be of Nicole Richie’s baby at all. For all we know Nicole Richie’s baby could be nine feet tall, completely silent and as smooth as eggs. But, you know, she’s probably not.

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Naked Marcia Cross Photos Freaking Out The Internet

by Stuart Heritage

Think back 14 months, when it was revealed that naked Marcia Cross photos had been found by a removal firm, and that they would be splashed across the internet any day.

Chances are you probably thought “Candid naked pictures of the ginger one from Desperate Housewives? Why, that doesn’t sound appealing in the slightest.” But it’s too late – 410 days later, those naked Marcia Cross photos have finally turned up on the internet. And boy oh boy, are they ever fantastic! OK, admittedly you probably need to be a big fan of Marcia Cross to enjoy her naked photos fully, plus it’d help if you found the sight of a 45-year-old mother of twins with bright red hair and pubes sexually exciting. Oh, and it’s a given that you’ll have to be a connoisseur of outdoor photos taken so shoddily that they make you feel like a grubbily intrusive next door neighbour perving on people in secret.

You’re all of those things? Great! Naked Marcia Cross photos it is, then.

Think back 14 months, when it was revealed that naked Marcia Cross photos had been found by a removal firm, and that they would be splashed across the internet any day. Chances are you probably thought "Candid naked pictures of the ginger one from Desperate Housewives? Why, that doesn't sound appealing in the slightest." But it's too late - 410 days later, those naked Marcia Cross photos have finally turned up on the internet. And boy oh boy, are they ever fantastic! OK, admittedly you probably need to be a big fan of Marcia Cross to enjoy her naked photos fully, plus it'd help if you found the sight of a 45-year-old mother of twins with bright red hair and pubes sexually exciting. Oh, and it's a given that you'll have to be a connoisseur of outdoor photos taken so shoddily that they make you feel like a grubbily intrusive next door neighbour perving on people in secret. You're all of those things? Great! Naked Marcia Cross photos it is, then.
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