Sex tape karma is a beautiful thing - after making us pray for blindness with the Gene Simmons sex tape, it's now repaying us with a Kristin Davis sex tape.

You know, Kristin Davis. The uppity one from Sex And The City. There's a Kristin Davis sex tape. And there's not even a second of 1980s power-ballad in there at all. Take that, Simmons.

Except, wait, buckle your belt back up - Kristin Davis says that the Kristin Davis sex tape is a phony. That's not her in the sex tape gobbling on a man's genitals or in the accompanying pictures sitting on a toilet with her minge sticking out, Kristin says. She only knows because in the real Kristin Davis sex tape she's wearing a pony saddle, a pair of safety goggles and is covered head-to-toe in bacon. We heard.

It's been a vintage month for stomach-churning celebrity nudity, what with Lindsay Lohan's naked boobs and Gene Simmons' bare pecker.

But now, making a last-ditch attempt to claim the prize of February 2008's least-wanted nude body, comes a set of naked Diablo Cody pictures.

That's right, a collection of naked photographs of Oscar-winning Juno screenwriter Diablo Cody have hit the internet in a big way. And we haven't been this aroused by pictures of a writer since 1987's thankfully-forgotten Playgirl magazine centrefold spread featuring Sir Tom Stoppard, Ingmar Bergman and 46 litres of industrial-strength water-based personal lubricant. 

Here's a conundrum: you see two magazines, one that promises exclusive pictures of Jennifer Lopez and her new twins and another one that's about generic mid-20th century brickwork - which do you buy?

No question - the brickwork one every time. Because a) hey, bricks, woo, and b) you really couldn't give a tenth of a rat's chuff about anything to do with Jennifer Lopez.

Still, that hasn't stopped People magazine from paying an estimated $6 million for exclusive American distribution rights for Jennifer Lopez's baby photos. We honestly can't see how Jennifer Lopez is that much of a draw, so maybe People has heard something we don't know - maybe J-Lo's twins are co-joined at the arse or something. Yes, that's definitely it.

Photos of what are claimed to be Nicole Richie's newborn baby daughter Harlow Winter have appeared online, giving away vital clues as to what she looks like.

And here's a newsflash - Nicole Richie's newborn baby daughter Harlow Winter looks like a bloody baby. Small? Check. Wrinkly? Check. Wearing a nappy? Check. Liable to scream and shit itself at the same time? Check.

Of course, we could be wrong and the pictures might not be of Nicole Richie's baby at all. For all we know Nicole Richie's baby could be nine feet tall, completely silent and as smooth as eggs. But, you know, she's probably not.

Think back 14 months, when it was revealed that naked Marcia Cross photos had been found by a removal firm, and that they would be splashed across the internet any day.

Chances are you probably thought "Candid naked pictures of the ginger one from Desperate Housewives? Why, that doesn't sound appealing in the slightest." But it's too late - 410 days later, those naked Marcia Cross photos have finally turned up on the internet. And boy oh boy, are they ever fantastic! OK, admittedly you probably need to be a big fan of Marcia Cross to enjoy her naked photos fully, plus it'd help if you found the sight of a 45-year-old mother of twins with bright red hair and pubes sexually exciting. Oh, and it's a given that you'll have to be a connoisseur of outdoor photos taken so shoddily that they make you feel like a grubbily intrusive next door neighbour perving on people in secret.

You're all of those things? Great! Naked Marcia Cross photos it is, then.