Phil Mitchell - HecklerSpray

Soap Spoilers! It’s All Fun And Games Until Someone Loses A Parrot.

August 5th, 2012 By Joanna Bolouri

We don’t know about you but it’s been quite a week here at hecklerspray since we last gave you something to live for.

Our editor Mof, finally found out that fellow writer and massive Steps fan Michael Park is really his son after a one night stand with someone he thought was Kerry Katona but wasn’t. ?Not even close. Kris Silver was named and shamed in his local paper when he called a 70 year old librarian “a complete bastard” when she asked him to pay 70p in fines for a Jackie Collins novel he hadn’t even had time to read and finally Sophie Hall was arrested for going unreservedly?ape-shit after she’d spent 2 hours alone on a train to Flamigoland only to find out she was too small to get on any of the rides. Even the toddler ones.

Our lives are much more exciting than these soaps. But you don’t care do you? You just want to know about FAKE people. Fine then.

Soap Spoilers! Moons! Drugs! More Moons!

August 5th, 2012 By Joanna Bolouri

It’s Monday you ratbags which means it’s time for Soap Spoilers where we take great delight in ruining your viewing pleasure for the coming week.

In Coronation Street this week Tracy hears Roy talking about a postcard he’s received from Becky and she pumps Sylvia for information. Not literally we hope. She then runs off to find Steve and tell him about Becky’s new man, leaving him as crushed as a buttery biscuit base on Masterchef. ?She then pumps him for fun and thinks they’re going to live happily ever after but funnily enough Steve doesn’t and it’s back to shouting and overacting in the Rovers as normal.

Gary decides that Izzy is never going to leave the house ever again and hides her wheelchair. It’s true. ?When she finds out that he’s entirely mental she screams for help which reults in him being locked up and begging for her forgiveness but will she? ?More importantly, ?DID SHE GET HER WHEELS BACK? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IS SHE STILL SAT THERE???

The Queen Vic to Set On Fire in Eastenders Tonight And Barbara Windsor Says Goodbye

September 9th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Whoever has been looking after Eastenders lately wants a pat-on-the-back. It’s been one of the most gloriously trashy things ever shown on TV. Lucas The Bad Pastor was fun, but completely obliterated by the fall-down hilarious antics of Phil Mitchell The Crack Head.

Phil – with his brilliantly pink head – has been wobbling around on our televisions, shouting random words in what appears to be the world’s worst (but funniest) impression of Father Jack from Father Ted. All soundtracked by The Who of course.

Most recently, his stint while locked in the back of a van saw Phil Mitchell doing an impression of The Incredible Hulk. “PHIL HIGH! PHIL SMASH!” The supporting cast stood stifling their laughs whilst holding baseball bats. It was astonishing TV.? And it’s with this that we see cornerstone of Albert Square going up in flames.

Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

August 4th, 2012 By Chris Laverty

This week?s good stuff and bad.

Folded:

Phil Mitchell on the crack (EastEnders breaks bad)
Buy a decanter (guaranteed to make you look 28% more classy. Put cognac in it though, not cold tea)
Magnum P.I. vs Han Solo (ace! go!)
gavelexpress.com (?cos you never know when you might need one – and fast)
Comic book adap. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is out on the 25th (providing you don't follow its director Edgar Wright on Twitter [it is all he bloody talks about] you should be sufficiently excited)

Creased:

Phil Mitchell On Crack Inspires Greatest T-Shirt Ever

August 13th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Eastenders is a gift that keeps giving of late. Not too long ago, Hev was seen licking a rancid yoghurt lid from a bin that was supposed to belong to George Michael, Darren’s lovelife has revolved around self mutilation and of course, Phil Mitchell is on crack.

It’s hilarious. Bearing in mind that Phil Mitchell looks like a baby having a tantrum at the best of times, Steve McFadden’s acting chops are really stretched when he’s asked to play the drunk and now, the druggie.

This whole sequence is what is known as a ‘Bouncer’s Dream’ moment. It’s when a soap takes a baffling turn, leaving everyone wide-eyed and so stunned that they’ll only be able to talk about it in a year’s time, and even then, they’ll assumed they’d made it all up. Well, here’s your chance to buy something to cement this event into your memory.

WEBTHUMP! 11 August 2010

August 6th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

10 – A video of Sean Lock being funny. This is very good indeed – Asylum

9 – Who wants to see a gorilla playing Nintendo? Oh, EVERYONE – Geekologie

8 – Good news, you disgusting-toothed bastard – Goodnewsforbadpeople

7 – If all baseball was like this, maybe we wouldn’t be in such a hurry to bang on about how crap it was – Urlesque