Peter Crouch - HecklerSpray

Why Both Fifa and Pro Evo Fail To Be Realistic In 2010

August 5th, 2012 By Kris Silver

Fifa vs Pro Evo. It's a battle that has caused many a forum argument and playground bullying campaign as people try to decide which provides the better footballing experience. A battle that has had fresh life breathed into it with the release of the demo versions of Fifa 11 and Pro Evo 11 on both Xbox Live and PSN.

Having spent a long time playing both the latest Fifa and Pro Evo demos I can tell you that they once again offer a broad range of differing aspects of the game? and all of them are boring and insignificant.

Peter Crouch Lambasts The Sun Over Pregnancy Story… But Doesn’t Mind Prostitute Story It Seems

September 16th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Peter Crouch is a rare fish isn’t he? He’s about 60ft tall and 3 inches wide. He looks like Brassneck from The Dandy if he was made with straws by toddlers at a playgroup. Yet, despite all this, he’s a rather talented footballer.

Of course, him being a footballer means that he’s prone to monumental idiocy. After seeming like he was one of the good ones, answering “a virgin” when asked “what would you be if you weren’t a footballer?”, he went and shagged it all up by ALLEGEDLY have sex with a prostitute in Madrid.

You might imagine that Crouchistuta would be pretty angry at the newspapers for breaking that story… and he is indeed angry at them. Though, it appears that he’s not fussed about the whole ‘lady of the night’ thing, but rather, the fact that The Sun broke a story about his gal, Abbey Clancy, is pregnant.

Abbey Clancy & Peter Crouch: It’s (Probably) Off Again

August 16th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

People have started staring at Abbey Clancy’s fingers a lot lately, which makes a change to be honest.

Usually they stare at her boobs. Or her face, as they silently think “You can’t be as stupid as you look. You just can’t be. You’d barely be able to even stand upright if you were”. But now it’s her fingers. That’s because Abbey Clancy’s fingers are the key indicators of her relationship with Peter Crouch. If her engagement ring is on, they’re OK. If it’s not, they’re not.

And yesterday, following reports that Peter Crouch had acted like a sex pest in a nightclub, Abbey Clancy’s ring was off. But don’t worry – tomorrow she’ll remember that he’s loaded and it’ll be back on. Then a newspaper will publish a photo of him fondling a horse and it’ll be back off again. It’s a fun game, you should try it.

Whoopi Goldberg May Have, But Probably Hasn’t, Had Sex With David Cameron

August 12th, 2010 By Ralph Sanders

Entire industries have been built on people with long angled lenses hanging out in coffee shops opposite four-star hotels, hoping that members of Five Star (or other celebrities) will come out with mystery blondes on their arms.

Apparently, following the cast of Twilight around is paying school fees for about half the hacks in LA. Anyway, the thing about these kinds of stories is that the people featured in them are usually either famous, attractive, about to have a film out and are shameless publicity whores, or a combination of the three.

But now it seems that the tabloids have run out of everyone in those categories and have come up with something involving people who are neither young, attractive or have a film out. The Mirror reports that Whoopi Goldberg has been seen coming out of a central London accommodation with ? wait for it ? David Cameron. Yikes.

Abbey Clancy To ‘Forgive’ Peter Crouch, For Some Reason

August 12th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

Abbey Clancy understands forgiveness. It’s one of the most important aspects of a mature adult relationship.

Your boyfriend leaves the milk out? You forgive them. Your boyfriend wees all over the toilet seat? You forgive them. Your boyfriend goes to Spain and has grotty paid-for sex with a teenage Algerian prostitute? You forgi… hey, wait a minute, having grotty paid-for sex with a teenage Algerian prostitute is much more serious than leaving the milk out or weeing on the loo seat. Should that sort of behaviour be forgiven?

Apparently yes. Even though having sex with a teenage Algerian prostitute is exactly what Peter Crouch has been accused of, it’s been reported that Abbey Clancy is planning to take him back. Because their love is pure and deep and universal, you see. Not because Peter Crouch earns tens of thousands of pounds every week. Nope. Not that at all.

Unsurprisingly, Abbey Clancey Moves Out of Peter Crouch’s Presumably Giant House

August 11th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Did you read The Dandy? Ever looked at Peter Crouch and thought to yourself “Ah! That’s what happened to Brassneck!”? No? You’re an idiot. Anyway, Peter Crouch has been a bit of a favourite amongst many because he’s seemed like a nice chap and owned that rarest of footballing traits – self deprecation. And then he stuck his long, thin penis into a prostitute.

Yes indeed, a man that was clearly continually punching above his weight was almost egged on by a nation because thanks to being nice, everyone wanted the lanky freakshow to get himself an attractive girlfriend.

However, like all professional sportsmen, he ultimately let us down by being acting like a spoilt dick.

Peter Crouch Allegedly Humps Teenage Hooker, Gets Screamed At

August 9th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

Tell you what, though, we’ve never wanted to guzzle a tube of Pringles more than we do right this instant.

We blame Peter Crouch. During the World Cup, we couldn’t really see the point of his relentless Pringles promotion. ‘Eat Pringles and be more like me’, Peter Crouch seemed to be saying – which is frankly ridiculous, because who’d want to be like that idiot? But now we’re going to eat as many Pringles as possible, because we’ve changed our minds – we want to be just like Peter Crouch.

Why? Because according to the News Of The World, Peter Crouch allegedly shags teenage Algerian prostitutes, that’s why. He’s living the dream, at least the dream of anyone who’s ever wanted to have it off with a teenage Algerian prostitute. True, it might spell the end of his relationship with Abi Clancy, but who cares about that? Peter Crouch has got teenage Algerian prostitutes now. They make a beautiful couple.