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Pete Wentz

Ashlee Simpson Definitely Pregnant With Wentzbaby No.1

by Stuart Heritage

Speculation about whether or not Pete Wentz only married Ashlee Simpson because she was pregnant has been raging on for months – but now the mystery is over.

He did! Pete Wentz did only marry Ashlee Simpson because he accidentally knocked her up and then felt bound by guilt and duty to quickly marry her and hope that nobody would notice. By which we mean Ashlee Simpson is pregnant! Definitely pregnant!

It was never really a very well-kept secret, but apparently Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson hadn’t confirmed the pregnancy before because of fears for the unborn baby. But now it’s out in the open Pete and Ashlee can totally start their hardball negotiations for magazine photoshoots and baby hair straightener product endorsement deals and shit.

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Relax Everyone, Pete Wentz & Ashlee Simpson Signed A Pre-Nup

by Stuart Heritage

Admit it; when Pete Wentz got married, you thought it was a ploy so Ashlee Simpson could get her claws on the Fall Out Boy millions.

But it wasn’t. The only thing that brought Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson together was love, along with a deep-seated suspicion that at least one of them was pregnant. And to prove it, Pete Wentz has graciously gone public and started spouting off about the sweet pre-nup he got before his wedding.

Phew, at least this means that when Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson invariably get divorced at some point in the next 18 months, the only assets they’ll have to divide will be their earnings from whatever godawful reality TV show they’re bound to want to make soon.

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Ashlee Simpson/ Pete Wentz Wedding: The Daddy-Heavy Details

by Stuart Heritage

Saturday’s Ashlee Simpson/ Pete Wentz wedding may have been the wedding of the year, proving forever that this is a lame-ass year.

But maybe you really do think that the Ashlee Simpson/ Pete Wentz wedding was the wedding of the year. Maybe you genuinely believe that the love between Ashlee and Pete is deep and genuine and true and pure and everlasting. Maybe, in other words, you’re an idiot.

If so then you’ll want to read on, because a whole bunch of new Ashlee Simpson/ Pete Wentz wedding secrets have got out. And, somewhat brilliantly, they all seem to involve Ashlee’s overbearing father Joe Simpson, who was so heavily involved in the whole shebang that you can’t help but sense his disappointment that it wasn’t him getting married to his own 23-year-old daughter. Possibly.

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Ashlee Simpson Gets Married, Turns Out She’s Pregnant

by Paul Sorrenti

Hooray for love and life! Ashlee Simpson has married Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz and has a little celebrity hybrid leeching on her insides.

They swapped declarations of love and commitment in front of close friends and family yesterday during a fairytale (it was Alice in Wonderland themed) wedding ceremony and Ashlee chose to reveal her pregnancy to everyone at the reception, OK! Magazine reported.

Barely a month has passed since Ashlee announced her engagement to Wentz. Barely a month has passed since the pregnancy rumours started. Back then Pete Wentz said this:

There is a witch hunt for people to be pregnant whenever they get engaged in Hollywood. This is all news to me.

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Ashlee Simpson & Pete Wentz Totally Getting Married On Saturday

by Stuart Heritage

Everyone loves a nice wedding, don’t they? Or failing that, a mediocre wedding. Or failing that, a wedding between Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz.

And it’s a good job that everyone loves that, because it’s been reported that Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are going to get married this very Saturday. We know! It clashes with Norwegian Constitution Day! We’re so torn!

But what about the details of this Ashlee Simpson/ Pete Wentz marriage extravaganza? Has it been officially confirmed? No. Where will it be held? We don’t know. Does this mean that Pete Wentz definitely knocked Ashlee Simpson up? Probably. What if he hasn’t? Then they’re both idiots. How long will this marriage last, anyway? Probably like a week maybe.

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Ashlee Simpson Wrongly Hopes We Care About Her Pregnancy

by Stuart Heritage

Ashlee Simpson is either pregnant or not pregnant, and if you’ve spent more than one second thinking about it you probably deserve to be drowned.

And, even though most people wouldn’t even give a soggy fart about Ashlee Simpson’s unborn baby even if was 300 feet tall and had lasers for eyes, it hasn’t stopped Ashlee Simpson from going on TV and being all like ‘maybe I am, maybe I’m not’ some more in the vain hope that all this pointless teasing will sell some more copies of her album.

It’s a tactic that Ashlee Simpson has clearly spent a lot of time thinking about. More than one second, in fact. So it goes without saying that she should be drowned. We don’t make the rules.

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Wait, Ashlee Simpson Really Is Pregnant Now?

by Stuart Heritage

Forget war or paedophile priests or Tibetan freedom protests, the only thing the world wants to know about today is the state of Ashlee Simpson’s uterus.

If you thought the rumours about Ashlee Simpson’s pregnancy were put to bed when her fiance Pete Wentz called them ‘crazy’ earlier in the week are true, then think again. It’s been reported that Ashlee Simpson really is pregnant all along and that PeteWentz and Ashlee Simpson want to get married as soon as possible before she gets all swollen and crap.

But why did Pete Wentz say Ashlee Simpson wasn’t pregnant when she really was? Was he telling the truth, making up a barefaced lie or is he just a bit stupid? We wouldn’t like to say, but let’s not forget that he is in Fall Out Boy, so the stupidity option probably shouldn’t be discounted.

Forget war or paedophile priests or Tibetan freedom protests, the only thing the world wants to know about today is the state of Ashlee Simpson's uterus. If you thought the rumours about Ashlee Simpson's pregnancy were put to bed when her fiance Pete Wentz called them 'crazy' earlier in the week are true, then think again. It's been reported that Ashlee Simpson really is pregnant all along and that PeteWentz and Ashlee Simpson want to get married as soon as possible before she gets all swollen and crap. But why did Pete Wentz say Ashlee Simpson wasn't pregnant when she really was? Was he telling the truth, making up a barefaced lie or is he just a bit stupid? We wouldn't like to say, but let's not forget that he is in Fall Out Boy, so the stupidity option probably shouldn't be discounted.
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Pete Wentz: Look, I Haven’t Knocked Ashlee Simpson Up, OK?

by Stuart Heritage

Pete Wentz wants the whole world to know that he definitely hasn’t got Ashlee Simpson pregnant, and he wouldn’t even know how to if she asked him.

Alright, not exactly that, but Ashlee Simpson definitely isn’t pregnant, and Pete Wentz has lashed out at the media for saying that she is by calling it a ‘witch hunt’ – which seems more like a cruel jibe at the expense of Ashlee Simpson’s nose than a clever comment about celebrity culture, really.

But anyway, the point is that Ashlee Simpson isn’t pregnant and Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson didn’t just get engaged because he knocked her up accidentally. Which means that Pete Wentz must be marrying Ashlee Simpson for something other than a sense of misplaced guilt. Weird.

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Jessica Simpson In ‘Pleased For Her Own Sister’s Happiness’ Shock

by Stuart Heritage

There have been several reactions to the news that Ashlee Simpson is getting engaged to that fool from Fall Out Boy.

Some have reacted with disgust that their pretty little Ashlee Simpson could fall for such a whiny-looking twerp. Others have reacted with disgust that their emo hero Pete Wentz could for such a gormless pop twonk. Other really couldn’t care less either way. Most people really couldn’t care less either way.

Not Jessica Simpson, though. Harnessing the skills that have built up her reputation as a fearless innovator, Jessica Simpson has inexplicably decided to be pleased for Ashlee and Pete – marking the first time in history that a woman has been pleased that another woman is getting married.

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Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz Last A Whole Year, Get Engaged

by hecklerspray staff

It was love at first sight for Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson.

Well, we imagine it was. Each had to do the standard offhand hair flick to adjust the superfluous strands of long bangs stylishly obscuring their vision to confirm it. But yeah, love at first sight followed by months of blissful romps through studded belt stores and romantic evenings painting each other’s fingernails black and applying excessive eyeliner.

Ashlee and Fall Out Boy guitarist Pete Wentz fell in love and just got engaged. Literally just right now. Two seconds ago. Keep up, people. There’s some lovely mocking to be had.

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