Articles tagged with: Pete Doherty
Kate Moss Does The World A Bit Of Good
Kate Moss is a model who has made her living by prancing up and down various catwalks in vile overpriced garments. She's also a world leader when it comes to helping musicians record their worst material. Pete Doherty, The Lemonheads, Primal Scream - at one point or another, they've all decided that what their sound really needs is a flatly disinterested Croydon mew droning out of the left speaker. Now that Kate Moss is with another rubbish indie frontman, That Tit From The Kills, she's inspired a whole new album of wrongness. But it's OK - she destroyed the only known recordings! Go Kate! You earned that Jaffa cake!
Kate Moss is a model who has made her living by prancing up and down various catwalks in vile overpriced garments. She's also a world leader when it comes to helping musicians record their worst material. Pete Doherty, The Lemonheads, Primal Scream - at one point or another, they've all decided that what their sound really needs is a flatly disinterested Croydon mew droning out of the left speaker. Now that Kate Moss is with another rubbish indie frontman, That Tit From The Kills, she's inspired a whole new album of wrongness. But it's OK - she destroyed the only known recordings! Go Kate! You earned that Jaffa cake!
Pete Doherty: Desperate To Get Back To Prison
Mmmm, nothing beats the food at Wormwood Scrubs. Comfortable living facilities, a ready supply of pharmaceuticals and a quaint, gangland atmosphere make the place first choice for musicians on the downward spiral. It's like the priory, but better! If you don't mind people stealing your chocolate pudding or being gutted with a fork, it's a fine and friendly place, like Disneyland for petty gangsters. Solitary confinement can only be a laugh when you've got 12 personalities, a catalogue of wussy tunes and a lot of time to kill.
Mmmm, nothing beats the food at Wormwood Scrubs. Comfortable living facilities, a ready supply of pharmaceuticals and a quaint, gangland atmosphere make the place first choice for musicians on the downward spiral. It's like the priory, but better! If you don't mind people stealing your chocolate pudding or being gutted with a fork, it's a fine and friendly place, like Disneyland for petty gangsters. Solitary confinement can only be a laugh when you've got 12 personalities, a catalogue of wussy tunes and a lot of time to kill.
SHOCK NEWS! Pete Doherty in “Using Drugs” Scandal!
Hard as it may be to believe or even accept, authorities in Switzerland have confirmed that everyone's favourite 'death waiting to happen', Pete Doherty, has been fined for a being a big drug-using drug user. The troubled poet - nay, genius - was found slumped on the toilet on a British Airways flight into Geneva on Friday, possibly as a result of his ferocious intellect finally managing to overwhelm him. Either that or he was offering handjobs for crack money and got a bit tired from all the wrist action, so decided to settle down for a little nap.
Hard as it may be to believe or even accept, authorities in Switzerland have confirmed that everyone's favourite 'death waiting to happen', Pete Doherty, has been fined for a being a big drug-using drug user. The troubled poet - nay, genius - was found slumped on the toilet on a British Airways flight into Geneva on Friday, possibly as a result of his ferocious intellect finally managing to overwhelm him. Either that or he was offering handjobs for crack money and got a bit tired from all the wrist action, so decided to settle down for a little nap.
Pete Doherty Enlisted To Educate Our Future Generations
The world is full of failed plans. Like when the Spice Girls reunited, had a fight and then thankfully faded back into the dark corner that they came from. Now, someone from the education board has decided that Pete Doherty - yes Pete Doherty - should give a lecture on life and love. We really don’t know what to say. Is this going to be a lesson to help students negotiate a good deal for a heroin wrap? It’s pretty much like asking a Catholic priest to take a music lesson so he can make them sing like angels with his special instrument.
The world is full of failed plans. Like when the Spice Girls reunited, had a fight and then thankfully faded back into the dark corner that they came from. Now, someone from the education board has decided that Pete Doherty - yes Pete Doherty - should give a lecture on life and love. We really don’t know what to say. Is this going to be a lesson to help students negotiate a good deal for a heroin wrap? It’s pretty much like asking a Catholic priest to take a music lesson so he can make them sing like angels with his special instrument.
You! Watch Pete Doherty Take A Soapless Bath Now!
You've been waiting all your life. Go on, do it already! And for the record, this is something he recorded for the fans to show them all his majestic pre-gig rituals.
Amy Winehouse May Need To Use New Delivery Service. Allegedly.
Think of some of the greatest jobs in the world from a purely money-making perspective and 'Amy Winehouse's drug dealer' is sure to pop up near the top of the list. Maybe it would drop below the ranking of something like 'supermodel massage artist who earns £500 a minute and is in constant demand' or a hecklerspray employee, but all in all it's a role that you certainly wouldn't sniff at. Though there would surely be some form of sniffing involved. And general inhaling. And breaking down of constituent ingredients into something more easily absorbed into the bloodstream. You get the idea. But alas, for two people have been arrested on charges of being the beehived crooner's personal suppliers. The licence to print money may be no more, it would seem.
Think of some of the greatest jobs in the world from a purely money-making perspective and 'Amy Winehouse's drug dealer' is sure to pop up near the top of the list. Maybe it would drop below the ranking of something like 'supermodel massage artist who earns £500 a minute and is in constant demand' or a hecklerspray employee, but all in all it's a role that you certainly wouldn't sniff at. Though there would surely be some form of sniffing involved. And general inhaling. And breaking down of constituent ingredients into something more easily absorbed into the bloodstream. You get the idea. But alas, for two people have been arrested on charges of being the beehived crooner's personal suppliers. The licence to print money may be no more, it would seem.
Blake Will Pay You £20,000 To Make Doherty Bleed. Interested?
Blake Fielder-Civil, currently serving time in Pentonville prison, has allegedly offered another inmate £20,000 to beat up Pete Doherty, because he’s sure the singer is making love to his irresistibly impetigo wife, Amy Jade Winehouse Fielder-Civil. Twenty grand Blake?! Don’t be so fucking stupid. Hecklerspray will quite happily kick his drug-addled brain out for £3.50. And this includes the taxi fare and a quick sandwich from Lidl. The Sun reports: “He approached ex- bouncer Richard Lyttle, on remand for murder but since released without charge." Richard, 39, said: “We were sitting in my cell and he said, ‘If you get Doherty for me I’ll give you £20,000.’ He kept saying, ‘Can you arrange it?’ and telling me to get some guys to his house. He knew the address. He said, ‘Amy’s obviously sleeping with him'.†You really think Doherty can muster a hard on, Fielder-Civil? Do you? .
Blake Fielder-Civil, currently serving time in Pentonville prison, has allegedly offered another inmate £20,000 to beat up Pete Doherty, because he’s sure the singer is making love to his irresistibly impetigo wife, Amy Jade Winehouse Fielder-Civil. Twenty grand Blake?! Don’t be so fucking stupid. Hecklerspray will quite happily kick his drug-addled brain out for £3.50. And this includes the taxi fare and a quick sandwich from Lidl. The Sun reports: “He approached ex- bouncer Richard Lyttle, on remand for murder but since released without charge." Richard, 39, said: “We were sitting in my cell and he said, ‘If you get Doherty for me I’ll give you £20,000.’ He kept saying, ‘Can you arrange it?’ and telling me to get some guys to his house. He knew the address. He said, ‘Amy’s obviously sleeping with him'.†You really think Doherty can muster a hard on, Fielder-Civil? Do you? .
Who Stole all of Pete Doherty’s Money?
The Sun has reported that official NME hero and tortured genius significantly lacking in genius and overcompensating in torturing, Peter Doherty, is running out of money and is in the process of assembling “a crack team of crimebusters to sniff out where (it) has gone". First of all, who knew The Sun could be so bloody, bloody funny? Crack team! Sniff! Brilliant. Daniel Kitson, Tony Law, Stewart Lee, John Hegley and Doug Stanhope combined couldn’t hope to come up with a single joke as original or brilliant.
The Sun has reported that official NME hero and tortured genius significantly lacking in genius and overcompensating in torturing, Peter Doherty, is running out of money and is in the process of assembling “a crack team of crimebusters to sniff out where (it) has gone". First of all, who knew The Sun could be so bloody, bloody funny? Crack team! Sniff! Brilliant. Daniel Kitson, Tony Law, Stewart Lee, John Hegley and Doug Stanhope combined couldn’t hope to come up with a single joke as original or brilliant.
