Articles tagged with: PETA
Michael Jackson Butter Sculpture Banned Thanks To Bloody PETA
Anyone who calls Michael Jackson a normal person can't have seen the same newspaper reports and documentaries as us. As we all know and appreciate, every single middle-aged man climbs trees to find inspiration and dangles kids from balconies for giggles. A few weeks ago, KFC’s sales skyrocketed thanks to Magic Johnston's memorial speech about the time he and Michael shared some chicken during. We’ve since discovered that food artist Norma "Duffy" Lyon wants to sculpt the ex King of Pop out of butter. No-one knows if Michael Jackson loved butter that much, but it doesn’t matter. The soulless killjoys known as PETA have put a stop to it.
Anyone who calls Michael Jackson a normal person can't have seen the same newspaper reports and documentaries as us. As we all know and appreciate, every single middle-aged man climbs trees to find inspiration and dangles kids from balconies for giggles. A few weeks ago, KFC’s sales skyrocketed thanks to Magic Johnston's memorial speech about the time he and Michael shared some chicken during. We’ve since discovered that food artist Norma "Duffy" Lyon wants to sculpt the ex King of Pop out of butter. No-one knows if Michael Jackson loved butter that much, but it doesn’t matter. The soulless killjoys known as PETA have put a stop to it.
Audrina Partridge Partially Removes Clothes For Animals
Audrina Partridge loves animals - her surname is a type of animal, plus she stars in The Hills and some animals live on hills. But Audrina Partidge does love animals. And, as a reality television star, Audrina Partridge is also the sort of person who'd probably massacre her family if it meant she'd get a headline from it. So combine the love of animals and the compulsive attention-seeking and what do you get? That's right - a new PETA campaign where Audrina Partridge gets to strip. Not strip naked, mind you. In that respect, Audrina Partridge thinks that animals can piss off.
Audrina Partridge loves animals - her surname is a type of animal, plus she stars in The Hills and some animals live on hills. But Audrina Partidge does love animals. And, as a reality television star, Audrina Partridge is also the sort of person who'd probably massacre her family if it meant she'd get a headline from it. So combine the love of animals and the compulsive attention-seeking and what do you get? That's right - a new PETA campaign where Audrina Partridge gets to strip. Not strip naked, mind you. In that respect, Audrina Partridge thinks that animals can piss off.
PETA Furious Over Michael Jackson’s Flying Circus
Wacko Jacko is under fire after the European wing of PETA threw an ethical bomb at his 50-date O2 extravaganza. His extensive residence at London's O2 Arena, starting July 8th, is reported to be 'jungle-themed' and will feature an African elephant, processions of panthers, parrots, wild birds and Masai warriors... but thankfully, no children are involved. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals choked on their tofu salads when they caught wind of Jacko's plans and responded immediately with pleading letters, bags of flour and a resurrected report of the star's sordid past with the animal kingdom.
Wacko Jacko is under fire after the European wing of PETA threw an ethical bomb at his 50-date O2 extravaganza. His extensive residence at London's O2 Arena, starting July 8th, is reported to be 'jungle-themed' and will feature an African elephant, processions of panthers, parrots, wild birds and Masai warriors... but thankfully, no children are involved. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals choked on their tofu salads when they caught wind of Jacko's plans and responded immediately with pleading letters, bags of flour and a resurrected report of the star's sordid past with the animal kingdom.
PETA Hopes To Eat George Clooney
The reason hecklerspray can never enjoy a tofu-heavy diet is because generally when we eat, blood spurting out of whatever we just bit into is our favorite part. You can flavour the vegetarian delight with whatever you want, but until it spurts blood we shall remain largely uninterested! Did you hear that, PETA? We don't want your stupid tofu! We don't want it if it's turkey flavored, or if its beef flavored, or if its flavored to taste exactly like George Clooney's sweaty, used gym towel! The latter, apparently, is genuinely on PETA's drawing board, even as we speak.
The reason hecklerspray can never enjoy a tofu-heavy diet is because generally when we eat, blood spurting out of whatever we just bit into is our favorite part. You can flavour the vegetarian delight with whatever you want, but until it spurts blood we shall remain largely uninterested! Did you hear that, PETA? We don't want your stupid tofu! We don't want it if it's turkey flavored, or if its beef flavored, or if its flavored to taste exactly like George Clooney's sweaty, used gym towel! The latter, apparently, is genuinely on PETA's drawing board, even as we speak.
PETA Protests Against Black Dogs Or Racist Dogs Or Something
Most people generally avoid dog shows because they're attended exclusively by red-faced spinsters in wax jackets. But just to make really sure, PETA has decided to go out of its way to put people off the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show by hanging around outside in full Ku Klux Klan garb - a stunt that's still 18 times less offensive than when Sadie Frost got two centimetres of bumcrack out for them. Why is a celebrity gossip website telling you about this? Because, if you think about it, dogs are like fluffy little celebrities, aren't they? Also, bum-all else has happened today.
Most people generally avoid dog shows because they're attended exclusively by red-faced spinsters in wax jackets. But just to make really sure, PETA has decided to go out of its way to put people off the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show by hanging around outside in full Ku Klux Klan garb - a stunt that's still 18 times less offensive than when Sadie Frost got two centimetres of bumcrack out for them. Why is a celebrity gossip website telling you about this? Because, if you think about it, dogs are like fluffy little celebrities, aren't they? Also, bum-all else has happened today.
PETA Super Bowl Ad Banned For Being Too Transparently Cack
We sure are looking forward to this weekend's Super Bowl between the Arizona Cardiacs and the Pittsburgh Flange-Magnets. But one group that's not excited about the Super Bowl is PETA. PETA is apparently frothing and spluttering because its Super Bowl advert - which pretty much features models diddling themselves with broccoli - has been banned for being too sexually explicit. Which is just about the most shameless marketing trick in the book. Incidentally, hecklerspray's Super Bowl advert has been banned, too. It features a homeless man having full non-consensual sex with goose while he kicks 100 burning orphans in the eye. We're OUTRAGED!
We sure are looking forward to this weekend's Super Bowl between the Arizona Cardiacs and the Pittsburgh Flange-Magnets. But one group that's not excited about the Super Bowl is PETA. PETA is apparently frothing and spluttering because its Super Bowl advert - which pretty much features models diddling themselves with broccoli - has been banned for being too sexually explicit. Which is just about the most shameless marketing trick in the book. Incidentally, hecklerspray's Super Bowl advert has been banned, too. It features a homeless man having full non-consensual sex with goose while he kicks 100 burning orphans in the eye. We're OUTRAGED!
Mickey Rourke Vows To Hack Off Every Dog Testicle On Earth
As a newly-resurgent box office force, Mickey Rourke can now use his fame to raise awareness of anything he likes. So he has. And what good cause has Mickey Rourke chosen to promote? Why, the unnecessary proliferation of dog testicles. Mickey Rourke has taken part in a PETA campaign to urge dog owners to neuter their pets. Mickey says this is to stop the murder of millions of unwanted puppies each year, but we think differently - we think Mickey Rourke uses mashed-up dog testicles as a facial filler to mask his weird plastic surgery and that he's on a stockpile drive.
As a newly-resurgent box office force, Mickey Rourke can now use his fame to raise awareness of anything he likes. So he has. And what good cause has Mickey Rourke chosen to promote? Why, the unnecessary proliferation of dog testicles. Mickey Rourke has taken part in a PETA campaign to urge dog owners to neuter their pets. Mickey says this is to stop the murder of millions of unwanted puppies each year, but we think differently - we think Mickey Rourke uses mashed-up dog testicles as a facial filler to mask his weird plastic surgery and that he's on a stockpile drive.
Khloe Kardashian Gets Her Naked Bum Out For The Animals
Khloe Kardashian would rather go naked than wear fur, but it's important not to confuse Khloe Kardashian with her sister Kim. Because, while Khloe Kardashian would rather go naked than wear fur, Kim Kardashian would rather go naked, set up a video camera, roll around on a bed and boff a man whose tongue looks like it's being remotely-controlled by a man from The Henson Company than wear fur. But still, nice try. Meanwhile, some dogs have just started an 'I'd rather be bludgeoned to death for my fur inside an abandoned Chinese warehouse than see Khloe Kardashian's arse again' campaign. Unrelated, we're sure.
Khloe Kardashian would rather go naked than wear fur, but it's important not to confuse Khloe Kardashian with her sister Kim. Because, while Khloe Kardashian would rather go naked than wear fur, Kim Kardashian would rather go naked, set up a video camera, roll around on a bed and boff a man whose tongue looks like it's being remotely-controlled by a man from The Henson Company than wear fur. But still, nice try. Meanwhile, some dogs have just started an 'I'd rather be bludgeoned to death for my fur inside an abandoned Chinese warehouse than see Khloe Kardashian's arse again' campaign. Unrelated, we're sure.
