Amy Winehouse has been arrested on suspicion of perverting the course of justice, either for being caught up in her husband's barman-attack thing or using her haircut to harbour known criminals – we just don't know.

Oh, alright, actually we do know. Amy Winehouse was arrested on suspicion of perverting the course of justice yesterday after she was apparently implicated in all this business that's got her husband Blake Fielder-Civil currently banged up. After allegedly beating up a pub landlord to such an extent that he needed metal plates inserted into his face, Blake Fielder-Civil is then claimed to have offered him £200,000 to shut up and leave the country – and it's thought that Amy Winehouse was brought into it because, without her wealth, all Blake could offer the landlord was 26p, half a packet of Refreshers and tatty hat that looks like someone's been wiping their arse on it.

It's been an up and down year for Amy Winehouse, really. There's been a drug overdose, an aborted shot at rehab, cancelled tours, universally-derided performances, self-harm, ill-advised friendships with Pete Doherty, blood-soaked stumbles through London at midnight – and on top of that her husband has been remanded in custody for apparently kicking in a pub landlord and then offering money to make him shut up.

On the other hand, though, Victoria Beckham said that she quite likes some of the clothes that Amy Winehouse wears, so on the big scale of things it probably balances out.

Or at least it balanced out until yesterday, because that's when Amy Winehouse was arrested. And this wasn't a run-of-the-mill minor drug arrest, either – Amy Winehouse was arrested for perverting the course of justice, which could land her with a lengthy jail sentence if she's convicted.

As everyone knows, Amy Winehouse's husband Blake Fielder-Civil has been banged up because – after he apparently beat up a pub landlord so viciously that metal plates were needed to put his face back together – he offered the landlord £200,000 to be quiet and flee the country.

Now, look at Blake Fielder-Civil. Look at him. Doesn't he look a bit, you know, homeless. A bit free school dinners. A bit like the only way he'd ever get £200,000 is if he spent a million years being a rent boy to blind, poverty-stricken businessmen. Amy Winehouse, on the other hand, has sold millions of records and is actually quite minted. So it's thought that Amy Winehouse was arrested because she's the logical source of Blake's alleged justice-perverting money.

So far, all the police will say is this:

"A 24-year-old woman has been arrested by appointment at an east London police station. The arrest is in connection with an investigation into perverting the course of justice."

Amy Winehouse's slave, though, is at pains to point out that Amy Winehouse volunteered herself to the police and that she hasn't been charged with anything yet. Indeed, police have previously stated that there is no evidence linking her to Blake's arrest, and that they just wanted to question her.

And anyway, a big celebrity like Amy Winehouse has nothing to fear from the police – who could stay mad at a crooked, witchy face like that? At the very least, we'd expect Amy Winehouse to reach some sort of plea deal where she'd plead guilty to perverting the course of justice, but would avoid jail by offering her services as an interrogator.

Seriously, after about six seconds of hearing her wail Me And Mr Jones right in our faces in the style of a concussed cat falling down a well, we'd admit to anything the police wanted.

Read more: 

Winehouse arrested in link to husband's court case – Independent 

Aside from the drugs, the self-harm, the wayward onstage performances and the erratic offstage behaviour, Amy Winehouse would be a model citizen if only her husband wasn't in jail for smashing some bloke's face up.

But he is, and he won't be getting out any time soon. Amy Winehouse's husband Blake Fielder-Civil was supposed to be in court this week over claims that he beat a man up so violently that the injuries left him needing metal plates in his face, but thanks to Blake Fielder-Civil getting arrested again last week for perverting the course of justice, the case has been pushed back. That means that a) Blake's going to be held in custody for a lot longer than he thought and b) it's looking more and more likely that the next Amy Winehouse album will just consist of 12 increasingly morose renditions of the Birds Of A Feather theme-tune.

It's often said that the greatest love between a man and a woman comes when the woman is publicly disintegrating due to an addiction to hard drugs and the man beats up barmen a lot and then tries to buy their silence. That's the reason why Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil are the Romeo and Juliet of our times. Not Romeo and Juliet the fictional Shakespeare couple, you understand – we mean Romeo the Birmingham takeaway pizza outlet and Juliet Finch, the girl from our school who wet herself a lot.

That's not a title we bestow easily either – Blake Fielder-Civil and Amy Winehouse are always there for each other, whether Blake is helping Amy to freak out and run away from rehab or saving her life by initiating a bloody razorblade fight every time he catches her doing drugs with a prostitute in a hotel room.

But Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil are going to have to get used to coping without each other's company for the next few weeks because it doesn't look like Blake will be released from custody any time soon. Although he was due to go to court this week over his role in the beating of barman James King with friend Michael Brown back in June, his recent arrest for perverting the course of justice following last week's police raid on Amy Winehouse's home means that the whole thing's been postponed.

It's thought that Blake Fielder-Civil had offered James King £200,000 to change his story to the police and leave the country – something that the law apparently frowns upon slightly. So while the judge has decided to delay the court case until November 23 so that the perverting the course of justice charge can be examined, poor old Blake has to stay banged up in Pentonville. Mark Williams, the prosecution lawyer, has said of the new charges that:

"Things developed last week amid allegations that Mr Brown and Mr Fielder-Civil have conspired to pervert the course of justice to offer Mr King a significant sum of money to tell him to withdraw the allegations and to leave the country. Some of that has video footage."

So now the only times that Blake Fielder-Civil will get to see Amy Winehouse is when she visits him in jail, as she has been today. But it's not all bad news – we hear that hardened convicts like to treat skinny pointless gold-digging trilby-wearing tossmunches like royalty in jail.

There are many reasons why people would want to raid Amy Winehouse's flat – to go on what we guess would be a dead-cert drug bust, for example, or to simply sellotape Amy's mouth up and give her hair a damn good combing.

As it happens, police did raid Amy Winehouse's flat last night. However, don't start thinking that the raid was spectacular or anything, because it really wasn't. For a start neither Amy Winehouse or her husband Blake Fielder-Civil were in at the time of the raid – so officers didn't have to fend off any berserko razorblade attacks – plus it seems the raid had something to do with a bunch of people apparently perverting the course of justice, none of whom are Amy Winehouse. Still, it seems a waste to raid Amy Winehouse's flat and not arrest her for something – surely it's illegal to resemble the witch from Snow White that closely.

You know, it's a surprise to see that Amy Winehouse hasn't been arrested more in recent months thanks to all her hilarious shenanigans. Admittedly wailing her own songs in public like she's never actually heard them before isn't a criminal offence yet, but the blood-soaked prostitute-ignited razorblade fight that Amy Winehouse apparently had with her husband in the summer must have been a bit illegal, and we can't help thinking that Amy's almost-fatal overdose of heroin, cocaine, ketamine and ecstasy might have involved some sort of banned substances.

But, no. Even though she's flushing her personal life down the crapper as fast as she can, the only scrape that has ended up with Amy Winehouse getting arrested was when she was caught with a tiny amount of marijuana in Norway last month. Boring! Why don't the police raid Amy Winehouse's flat or something?

Wait a minute! That's just what they did last night, although the circumstances are so vague that for all we know police were looking for Amy's stash of illegally-imported robot unicorn ghosts. Actually, the raid on Amy Winehouse's flat followed the arrests of a bunch of men for suspicion of perverting the course of justice.

Now, since a police spokesman has confirmed that the arrests dealt with next week's trial of Amy Winehouse's husband and another man for grievous bodily harm, it's turned out that one of the men arrested for perverting the course of justice was Blake Fielder-Civil himself, who apparently beat up a barman until he needed metal plates in his face then offered him £200,000 to chance his story and leave the country.

But the good news is that, for once, this is an Amy Winehouse story that has nothing whatsoever to do with drugs. Also good news is the fact that – although it was her flat that got raided – Amy Winehouse has not been implicated in any of this. That's a good thing because hearing the phrases 'Amy Winehouse' and 'perverting the course of justice' together keeps making us think of Amy Winehouse in a gimpsuit.

Understandably that's been making us dry-heave an awful lot.