Folded:

• Take the personality test! (are you extraverted, introverted, insane? Find out here! Takes a while to do though – oh, and at least one of us turned up with the same Jung personality as Abraham Lincoln)

• Barry Norman Pickled Onions (yep, that’s right, the Barry Norman. They taste quite nice)

• The Long Walk To Finchley (regardless of your opinions on Margaret Thatcher, this one-off comedy/drama plays as the epitome of what BBC4 do best: light political fluff)

• Lee McQueen (seems like, for once, any old Alan has picked the right candidate; apparently he’s putting Lee to work on the London Underground somewhere)

• Hulk squish (not smash. Norton’s fine though)

Creased:

• CGI (why is it seldom as good as filmmakers think it is?)

• When those factory bods accidentally put smooth Tropicana in the juicy bits Tropicana carton (doesn’t ruin your day, but certainly gets the morning off to a rough start)

• No more The Apprentice (in 2005 it started off worse than Dragons Den and then swiftly became the only reality show worth watching. Big Brother then, everyone? Hmm? No)

• Gone Baby Gone (far and away not a bad movie, but Mr Ben Affleck needs to find his own voice and not Clint Eastwood’s if he wants to succeed as a credible director)

• Jumper on DVD (even with some mildy interesting deleted scenes, you’d still be better off eating your money rather than spending it on this)

Since none of the latter actually exist, can we take this to mean that Will Smith is now in with the Scientology crowd? It would certainly seem that way, thanks to reports that Will Smith's wrap gifts to the crew of his new movie Hancock consisted of free passes for Scientology personality tests. 

If it's true, great – that makes Will Smith the new John Travolta, and we await his Look Who's Talking Now with baited breath. 

Who wouldn't want to be a Scientologist? It's brilliant – you get to hang around with Tom Cruise all the time, you can force your girlfriend to be silent when she gives birth, you're constantly reminded that mental illness can be cured by jogging – or something – and if you get really lucky you can knock your wife up with L Ron Hubbard's sperm.

Compare that to what you get with, say Catholicism – a dribble of wine, a scrap of bread and a billion loudmouth dirty accidental children – and you can see why Scientology is such a draw. But don't take our word for it, since Will Smith seems fairly hell-bent on converting everyone to Scientology himself anyway.

You don't have to be a celebrity expert to see that Will Smith and Tom Cruise have been hanging out a lot lately. But why? What caused this sudden closeness? Was it friendly competition between Will Smith and Tom Cruise to see who's best at doing unnervingly loud laughs? Are they both members of the same Los Angeles pro-am high-fiving club? Or is it because they're both Scientologists determined to enslave the world in whatever it is exactly they believe in?

It's a possibility. Remember that Will Smith's wife Jada Pinkett Smith was one of the first people to see Suri Cruise? Remember that she's a Scientologist? Remember that Will and Jada homeschool their kids using Scientology textbooks? Remember that Will Smith was bigging up Scientology on TV not so long ago? 

All the signs seem to point to Will Smith becoming a Scientologist – especially since it's been reported that his wrap gift to the crew of his new movie Hancock were tokens for a free personality test at a Scientology centre. According to the New York Daily News:

Big stars traditionally distribute "wrap presents" to crew members after completing a film. His recent gift after wrapping next summer's comedy "Hancock" was a card good for a personality test at your local Scientology center. Fun! Never mind that such tests are given free by the church anyway. The quiz is designed to convert people to the religion by identifying personality flaws that - surprise! - Scientology can fix right up for you.

Aside from the creepy religious undertones of the personality test, what kind of a crap gift is that? Apparently it came in a goodie bag, so lord knows what else was in there. A DVD copy of Battlefield Earth? A hologram of Xenu looking ticked off? Kirstie Alley? Bleurgh.

Anyway, you shouldn't worry about this Scientology-recruiting gift converting hoards of hairy sound engineers to the religion, because we hear you only pass the personality test if your personality is found to be 'really really ridiculously gullible almost to the point where it's a medical syndrome.'

What you should worry about, though, is Scientology running wild on Will Smith the same way as it did with Tom Cruise. No, we're not talking about the avalanche of rumours about his personal life, the constant public ridicule or the lightning-fast erosion of his movie career – we're just slightly nervous that Scientology will convince Will Smith to get one of those creepy Hitler haircuts that Tom's been walking about with lately.

Read more:

Will Smith Boosting Scientology – NY Daily News