Yes, that’s right folks. While we work on sprucing up Hecklerspray so that your children and your children’s children (seriously though, never have children) can enjoy it, here’s another trawl through the world of Tumblr.

5. Remember the casually pepper-spraying cop from Occupy? Well @badgerarc found a tumblr take on the man himself. Be warned. This is really funny.

4. That man @CheShA sent us this terrifying look into the chins of the rich and the famous. This is Moustair.

3. Our very own @KrisWould has CaptchArt which uses those weird phrases that Captchas throw up to create hilarious (and not so hilarious) pieces of art.

2. It’s a classic piece of internet heritage but the formidable @Scribbles78 reminded us of the Bublé Raptor and we couldn’t pass it up. We’re too scared to.

1. We love Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles & to see them put on noses? That’s pretty much the best thing on earth ever. So thanks to @abitof for that.

Up until recently, Ingrid Marie Rivera was the bravest woman in all the world for the way she fearlessly won the Puerto Rican Miss Universe qualifier despite having her clothes and make-up doused in all sorts of pepper spray.

Except it turns out that she probably didn't. The forensic police investigation into Ingrid Marie Rivera's claims that a rival has sabotaged her efforts to become next year's Miss Universe by dumping a bunch of pepper spray into her belongings has not uncovered a single trace of pepper spray. That means that, if Ingrid Marie Rivera is found to have provided false information to police, she could face a felony charge. But, even worse than that, this news means that the prettiest girl in Puerto Rico now has a face that's naturally very slightly puffy sometimes. How will the country ever recover from a blow like that?

Having seen both Miss Congeniality and, under duress, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed And Fabulous, we feel we're world experts on the inner mechanisms of the beauty pageant scene. For instance, it's a little-known fact that in every beauty competition there's a dowdy-at-heart FBI agent on the trail or a murderer or a terrorist or whatnot who thinks she's far, far funnier than she actually is. But the FBI agent at the recent Puerto Rican Miss Universe qualifier must have been caught napping, because there's been all sorts of nonsense going down there.

You'll remember that last week Ingrid Marie Rivera won the Miss Puerto Rico leg of Miss Universe despite having to run offstage to apply ice to her face every few minutes because someone had sabotaged her clothes and make-up with pepper spray. In a country like Puerto Rico where beauty pageants are taken so seriously that women are often made to wear chains, there was an outcry. Who could have done such a cruel thing to beautiful Ingrid Marie Rivera? Who?

Well, nobody by the look of it. Puerto Rico's Forensic Sciences Institute did a thorough test on Ingrid Marie Rivera's clothes and make-up, and no traces of pepper spray turned up at all. In the words of police spokesman Stephen Alvarez:

"I guess she has a lot of explaining to do."

The pepper spray investigation continues, although the focus has shifted slightly from 'who sabotaged Miss Puerto Rico with pepper spray?' to 'who's been telling us a lot of bloody porkies, then?' If anyone is found to have provided false statements to the police, they could be pulled up on a felony charge.

As yet it isn't clear if the pepper spray story was just an invention by Ingrid Marie Rivera to undermine her opposition – Rivera maintains that she was sabotaged, by the way – but if she is found to have lied, who can blame her? After all, it just goes to show how much Ingrid Marie Rivera wants to be Miss Universe, and everything that goes with it – the humanitarian work, the nagging suspicion that you're undermining the work of the entire feminist movement, all the drugs, booze and sex you can eat, the pretty sash – and if it only takes acting like a paranoid sociopath fantasist to accomplish it, then so be it.

Plus if that's the case, we're a definite shoo-in for next year's Miss Puerto Rico crown. 

Read more:

No Pepper Spray Found in Miss Puerto Rico Investigation - People 

In this post-feminist landscape, beauty contests are more about displaying a united spirit of sisterhood than anything else – well, that and attacking your competitors with pepper spray to stop them winning, as Ingrid Marie Rivera has found out.

Ingrid Marie Rivera, you see, is going to be Puerto Rico's representative at next year's Miss Universe competition. But her journey has been fraught with more peril than anyone could have imagined because rather than Vaseline her teeth and make up a lot of bullshit about animals like all other wannabe Miss Universes do, Ingrid Marie Rivera had to cope with someone sabotaging her clothes and make-up with pepper spray before the show began. And by struggling through the pageant covered in hives and emerging as Miss Puerto Rico, Ingrid Marie Rivera has proved that nothing can stand before her ultimate goal of wearing a sash, smiling subordinately and being found attractive by Donald Trump for a year.

You might think that beauty contests are nothing more than awkward anachronisms that merely reduce women to subservient objects of male desire while offering the illusion of empowerment judged on nothing more than a series of intergenerational genetic flukes, but you would say that wouldn't you, fatty?

Because even though beauty contests are just jumped-up dog shows where you don't feel as suicidal if you find the winner attractive, people go crazy for them. Especially Miss Universe, where previous winners have subjected themselves to dresses made of chains and relentless Mexican jeers just so they can win the ultimate prize of being called the prettiest girl in the universe, travelling to hopeless war-torn environments to inspire the locals with their beauty and getting drunk, taking drugs and banging all the men. 

And people will do anything to even compete in Miss Universe – anything, it's transpired, including sabotaging your competitors with pepper spray attacks before they're due to go onstage.

That's what's happened in Puerto Rico, anyway – on Friday's beauty contest to find Puerto Rico's representative for Miss Universe 2008, the ultimate winner Ingrid Marie Rivera was forced to keep running backstage to change clothes and ice her face to stop it from swelling up, all because someone had doused her clothes and make-up with pepper spray. After she won, and revealed the torment she'd been through, Ingrid Marie Rivera said:

"It was a lot of sacrifice, and my tears were genuine. At one point, I asked, 'Am I a masochist?' But I said regardless of the results, this is my goal. The more rocks there are in my path, the more thanks I will give to God for sustaining me."

There's currently an investigation into who would dream of attempting to wreck Ingrid Marie Riviera's hope of winning the Miss Puerto Rico crown by covering her with pepper spray, and investigators have narrowed the culprit down to either a team member of one of Riviera's competitors or Dennis The Menace from The Beano.

And not only was there the pepper spray that Ingrid Marie Rivera had to endure, but also her bags and credit cards were reportedly stolen and a bomb threat cancelled some of the Miss Puerto Rico preliminary rounds.

But while the investigation into this sabotage continues, some important questions have to be asked. Like what would compel someone to cause another human being so much distress just because they might be slightly prettier than them? Is it a reflection of the increasingly competitive world we live in, or is it a sign that the media constantly inflicts unattainably high ideals on us that destroy our self-confidence as a result of our failure to meet them?

But perhaps the most important question is this: how frighteningly ugly must the other Puerto Rican beauty queens have been to let sobby old Ingrid Marie Rivera and her welty face win Miss Puerto Rico? We're guessing 'quite'.

Read more:

Puerto Rican Wins Beauty Contest Despite Sabotage – Reuters