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Penelope Cruz Javier Bardem

It hasn’t taken long for the backlash to start, has it?

It only seems like yesterday that Robert Pattinson didn’t want to settle down with Kristen Stewart, instead revealing that he wanted to plunge his tepid penis into whatever narrow gap he could find (and your mum). Now as retaliation it looks like she’s set a lion on him. Maybe.

It’s either that or we’re just extrapolating wildly from two stories that were conveniently next to each other in a news feed because neither were worth a whole story in their own right and cobbling them together was the only way to make a headline and drag the damn thing together for an acceptable length of time. Who can tell?

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Penelope Cruz, Javier Bardem, Penelope Cruz engaged, Penelope Cruz Javier BardemGood news – Penelope Cruz has got engaged to her Vicky Cristina Barcelona co-star. Bad news – it’s not Scarlett Johansson.

But we’ll let you imagine that for a moment anyway. Perverts. Anyway, it turns out that in actual fact Penelope Cruz has got engaged to Javier Bardem, even though two months ago she was busy telling magazines that she’d never get married.

But congratulations to Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem anyway. They’ve both got so much in common – they’re both Spanish, for starters, and they’ve both had sex with Scarlett Johansson in a movie. Christ, why can’t we leave that alone?

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