Penélope Cruz is a staggeringly boring celebrity. The most interesting thing about her is that her nickname is Pe and that she has a working womb. That’s about it really. Even though she’s dated a whole bunch of really famous people, she
Really, what do we know about her? She speaks four languages, makes kinda boring films and has done so much charity work that she’s probably already got a day-pass for heaven.
We don’t know much about her because she hates tabloids, describing them as being “disgusting”. She once said that “this culture of gossip affects our society on a much deeper level, on an ethical level.”
No it doesn’t, you boring shit. Read More >>>
This is a catastrophe we haven’t seen the likes of for decades. It’s Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem.
They’re married. It’s a disaster. Straight boys no longer have a chance of ending up with Penelope Cruz. Straight girls no longer have a chance of ending up with Javier Bardem. Gay boys no longer have a chance of ending up with Javier Bardem. Gay girls no longer have a chance of ending up with Penelope Cruz. Admittedly none of us ever had a chance with either of them, because they’re glamorous and beautiful and we’re all pale and lumpy and ill-looking, but the point still stands.
And Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem will probably have angelic kids as well. We hate them both SO MUCH.
Read More >>>
Good news – Penelope Cruz has got engaged to her Vicky Cristina Barcelona co-star. Bad news – it’s not Scarlett Johansson.
But we’ll let you imagine that for a moment anyway. Perverts. Anyway, it turns out that in actual fact Penelope Cruz has got engaged to Javier Bardem, even though two months ago she was busy telling magazines that she’d never get married.
But congratulations to Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem anyway. They’ve both got so much in common – they’re both Spanish, for starters, and they’ve both had sex with Scarlett Johansson in a movie. Christ, why can’t we leave that alone?
Read More >>>
Director Guido Contini lives a life defined by glamour, excess and the attention of a thousand beautiful women…
In this Hollywood remake of the Broadway musical Nine, you’ll wonder how the Italian, played by Daniel Day Lewis, doesn’t wake up castrated… hell hath no fury, after all. Set in Venice circa 1960, the award winning musical throws you into Contini’s chaotic world: after his 40th birthday, the film director thinks it’s all downhill. He has a midlife crisis and suffers from a creative blank while the women around him – Nicole Kidman, Kate Hudson and Penelope Cruz (to mention just a few) – dance scantily clad to the music of his demise.
Read More >>>
When Scarlett Johansson tells you something isn’t sexy, we wouldn’t hold it against you if you believed her.
She’s a style icon, a Hollywood megastar and a thoroughly beautiful girl. But when the ‘not sexy’ thing she’s talking about is getting off with another one of the most visually pleasing women in the movie business – Penelope Cruz – then, well, we wouldn’t hold it against you if you went and told Scarlett she was talking a great big pile of crud.
The kiss they shared wasn’t a subtle ploy to distract everyone in the world from the fact that all the Hollywood types seem to be getting struck down with one illness or another. No, it’s just a part of that new Woody Allen film, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, which is clearly going to be a great big bag of balls.
Aside from the scene in question, of course.
Read More >>>
A homosexual moment between Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz in Woody Allen’s latest movie is the talk of the 61st Cannes Film Festival.
Three cheers for Woody Allen and his much maligned interest in younger women!
The news should finally shut up all the player-haters out there – you know who you are! The ones of you who thought it ‘weird’ for a man to show a sexual interest in his own adopted daughter.
Well you can now jump off your high horses because, like World War 2 before, the ends always justify the means and the sight of Scarlett and Penelope lezzin’ off is no doubt a joyful scene.
Read More >>>
Hey everyone, Woody Allen’s got a new movie coming out! Wait, where are you going? Come back!
Look, we know that most people would rather remove their bellend with the rough side of a cheesegrater than actually watch a Woody Allen film these days, primarily because they’re all uniformly rubbish, but this one – entitled Vicky Cristina Barcelona – is different.
OK, it’s probably not that different at all really – we’re willing to bet it’ll be as painfully rubbish to watch as anything else Woody Allen has released in the last 20 years – but in this one Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz have a bit of a kiss. We’ve got the video after the jump, effectively saving you the price of a cinema ticket. We’re good to you, no?
Read More >>>
