One of Bob Geldof’s daughters has ended her marriage to a terrifyingly unknown musicman. Oh yeah, also recession, war, yaddayaddayadda.

You know, it seems like only a decade ago that we were celebrating the marriage of Peaches Geldof and Max Somethingorother, a couple who – what? Six months? It just seems like a decade because they have provided an endless, soul-bleeding series of tediously studied photo-ops and stories detailing their inane and rather saddening lives in a way a little bit like six-year-olds attempting at being real adults? We want our toaster back.

Peaches Geldof, the celebrity strumpet who appears to get dressed by sleeping in a fast-cycle tumbledryer with a loadful of old lady’s bedclothes, has split from her husband, rock superstar Max Drummey.

Please, please, we know you’re upset. Believe us, we are too. When we awoke this morning to the news of the marriage failure – and the horrific realisation began to dawn that we would soon be literally unable to turn on a television, an internet or a newspaper without seeing her childlike yet smugly self-satisfied face weeping onion tears of loss and despair, we felt an almost unstoppable desire to pull out our eyes and ears (and nose too, just in case) and go throw them into a deep and remote quarry.

Call us celebrity marriage clairvoyants, but we knew it wasn’t right from the start. Peaches Geldof was the rich young girl with a dad who was a rock legend and a mum who… y’know. He was the something young lad from someplace who did a thing and was in no way a… y’know. And so it proved to be. The Sunday Mirror, please enlighten us:

Peaches, 19, and Max, 24, who got married in Las Vegas last August, claim their parting is amicable and they hope to remain good friends. The pair stated: “After much soul-searching we have made the mutual decision to end our marriage and have agreed to go our separate ways. “Our parting is amicable and both of us still respect and care about each other immensely. There were no other people involved in this decision and we both look forward to a future as good friends.” Peaches, second daughter of Sir Bob Geldof and Paula Yates, met American musician Max in London last July and says she fell in love with his brains.

To be honest, we’d never heard of that euphemism before.

Of course, we are always sad when two young people, with part of their lives ahead of them and who were perhaps rather foolish to marry during the first flush of youthful love, now feel themselves unable to overcome their differences and can see no other escape from the sadness than to go through the bitter and painful experience that is a divorce. But enough about that awesome Mexican soap opera we’ve got so into recently. Peaches and Whatnot? Like, whatever.

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