Sometimes it’s obvious to find a solution for a problem that has been bugging you for ages.

Sick of getting a nasty shock all over your body? Removing your fingers from the plug socket will always be a solution to stop that problem.

One eternal issue that has plagued the world for centuries has been war. People have been shoving sticks in to each other, burning down castles and dropping bombs on rival countries. It doesn’t look set to stop any time soon as Batman, The Pope and Bono can’t find a solution. But one dizzy American can. Not Hilary Clinton, but another called Paris Hilton.

We’re going to have to stop slagging off Paris Hilton. Soon, we might not be able to keep up with her ever-expanding career portfolio. Music fans around the world were delighted when Paris decided to launch a fully-fledged singing career. Combined with promo videos to make the wonk-eyed blonde look attractive, it failed to help shift copies of her totally gash album.

Bollocks to the singing lark then. Perhaps Paris could make a comeback as a fully-fledged porn star. Perverts from across the world have been treated to what can only be described as a bobble-headed nightvision frolicking. And thanks to the wonders of file-sharing, the antics of a younger, blonder and still stupid Paris Hilton can still be found on the internet.

Subsequently, Paris has had a lot of people fall out with her about her cock-munching shenanigans. So, she needed to launch a self indulgent TV show where she could search for a new BFF. That’s Best Friend Forever for anyone over the mental age of 12. Apart from attracting a lot of wannabe TV stars, she didn’t really find a sidekick to call her friend to clean up after her in the street.

Now it seems that Paris has turned for another niche in the market to inflict her genius upon us all. After carefully monitoring the situation between Gaza and Palestine and the strained nuclear missile crisis relations between North Korea and America, Paris has thrown her opinion into the ring.

If only we had done this before it popped into the brain of Paris Hilton. World War II could have been over in a few months, Anne Frank would have been able to keep on writing diaries and the Vietnam War wouldn’t have happened. According to Now Magazine, Paris Hilton said:

“I would definitely try to make peace with the countries we are fighting. I’d go over to them and throw a party, so they could all get together and get along and stop the war.”

A party! That’s what we need everyone! A big party so we can hug each other awkwardly and console our differences over a glass of fruit punch whilst midgets bring trays of pineapple on sticks around for everyone.

If only Winston Churchill had thought of doing that with Hitler. If he’d launched a conga line of peace across Europe, then it could have stopped the trail of death and destruction left by English and German bombers. And it would have meant that Pearl Harbour would have never been greenlit. It’s clear we need Paris Hilton more than ever.

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You have to feel sorry for the UN, always failing to get everyone to live together in peace – but George Clooney's here to fix that.

George Clooney has just been named as the UN's latest 'messenger of peace', where he's pledged in particular to use his fame to highlight the humanitarian snafu in Darfur. But why George Clooney?

It's obvious – George Clooney will be a good UN messenger of peace because he was once in a film called The Peacemaker, something that stands him in good stead to also become a UN messenger for slick Las Vegas heists and a UN messenger for rubber-nippled superheroes.

Although he's such a consummate moviestar that he'll even fall off a motorbike to draw attention to his films – and such a consummate salesman that the only products he hasn't appeared in adverts for are sanitary towels, weaponised nerve gas and Cillit BANG! – George Clooney is also a bloody brilliant humanitarian.

You see, it's not just enough for George Clooney to make a high-minded, barely-watched political thriller and just assume that it'll change the world. George Clooney also like to roll up his sleeves and and get his hands dirty, too. In the past George Clooney has spoken out about the war in Iraq, spoken out about corrupt lobbyists in the form of awful masturbation jokes, and spoken out about the atrocities committed when people try to take pictures of him too often. 

But mainly there's Darfur. George Clooney has been a long-time opponent of the widespread humanitarian crisis in Darfur, writing letters to politicians, making films and becoming involved with charitable organisations to try and force a change in the region.

And now George Clooney has been enrolled as a UN messenger of peace, so you can pretty much guarantee that that's all he'll ever talk about from now on. Reuters reports:

Academy Award winning U.S. actor George Clooney became a U.N. messenger of peace on Thursday, pledging to use his fame to "shine a light" on peacekeeping efforts, particularly in Sudan's Darfur… Clooney delivered the message to a news conference. "Millions are homeless, not from famine or disease or acts of God, but from a well armed militia intent on ridding the land of its people… It seems as if at times celebrity can bring that focus. It can't make the policies, it can't change people's minds really, but you can bring a camera where you go because they'll follow you and you can shine a light on it. That seems to be my job." 

Plus you get the best seats in restaurants and people send you free clothes and women want to have sex with you if you're a celebrity. But mainly the Darfur thing.

Of course, George Clooney isn't the first famous face to become a UN envoy. Geri Halliwell has also been there – you'll remember that she single-handedly stopped the spread of HIV in Africa by hosting screenings of her It's Raining Men video to put people off ever having sex again – and also Angelina Jolie is heavily involved in the UN.

In fact, wait. UN involvement? Weird closeness to Brad Pitt? Why, it's been so obvious – George Clooney wants to be Angelina Jolie. What next? Will George Clooney black his face up for his next role? Will he start adopting babies like he's on a trolley-dash? Will he make Jennifer Aniston cry?

Fingers crossed for all three. 

Read more:

George Clooney aims to shine celebrity light on UN – Reuters