pc - HecklerSpray

Sonic The Hedgehog To Reignite Your Inner Antisocial Moron

December 30th, 2011 By Robin Darke

He’s automatic! He’s systematic! He’s hydromatic! Why, he’s Sonic The Hedgehog actually and he’s coming to make you feel like an overgrown child-man once again.

Surely the slew of Sonic games over the past twenty or so years are enough for you? Together, we’ve gone from Green Hill Zone to Metal Egg Stage 1, we’ve Spinballed and even been to the Winter Olympics with that filthy Italian, surely the only thing left is Sonic and Blue Flashing Ghost from Pac-Man go to Lidl.

But apparently the creators of all those Sonic games seem to not know how not to flog a dead Knuckles and are all set to release another instalment of their new series for every gaming device going, even Android devices, Windows phones and Sega Game Gear probably.

Video Game Review: Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception

August 5th, 2012 By hecklerspray staff

When the first Uncharted game came out way back in 2007, it took us a while to buy it. It’s not Drake’s fault, it’s his big-titted predecessor Lara Croft, and the infuriating Tomb Raider series.

It’s not her big polygonal boobs, or the clipped British accent, or the fact that she’s so ridiculously minted she can afford to piss about, travelling the world and shooting a host of endangered species – it’s that the games she starred in were steaming piles of bear turd, with a terrible shooting dynamic.

Then, one day, with little interest for a new “treasure hunting” game, it dawned on everyone that Uncharted was a game where you could pretend to be Indiana Jones. What’s not to like about that?

Everything You Need To Know About FIFA 12 [Video]

September 27th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

The FIFA franchise, no matter what your hooting sap chums say, is the greatest series of football (or soccer if you prefer) games, EVER.

Pro Evo barely registers on the scale in comparison (that said, it’s as pointless comparing the two as it is comparing Super Mario Bros. to eight slices of toast) as FIFA has always looked the part and been most consuming.

Shame it has had a uniformly terrible soundtrack, but you can’t have everything. Of course, the game is released today in North America and us European (in your pants) get it from the 29th Sep. So what can we look out for?

F1 2011 Game Trailer Released, Essential Purchase For Instant Boredom

September 21st, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Computer games are brilliant aren't they? Designed by humans who are scared of the outside world, they open us up to a world of possibilities. As a child, your imagination and a few cardboard boxes let you create mystical worlds that provided continuous adventure.

Now electrical firms in Japan can do the same with a box full of microchips and technology that could enslave the human race.

Thanks to games, we can foil a terrorist plot before lunchtime. We?d never be able to do that in real life. Some games replicate our interests, especially football. Gutted you're an obese mess, unable to play in the Premiership and can't afford a super injunction. Thanks to FIFA, your thumbs do all of that. But it's not always exciting stuff that gets converted into games. Dull, pointless and boring sports such as F1 also receive the digital treatment. Giving you the chance to drive around in a circle for a long period of time.

Game Review: Space Marine

September 20th, 2011 By hecklerspray staff

The Games Workshop has stood as a shining beacon in town centres around the world as gathering spots for nerds, geeks and every available derisory word we can think of.

We don't feel bad saying that because some of us hecklerspray writers (cough ahem) were included in that ?nerdy? few who devoted far too much time to the table top franchise [You’re all perverts – Ed.].

For a number of years, table-top games have dared to jump from dice to the 21st century with several releases such as Space Hulk, Dawn of War, Fire Warrior but to little success except for inside pre-existing fan bases. Developer Relic Entertainment should however buck that trend with Space Marine, a gratifyingly violent third-person shooter/hack-n-slash combo that even non Games Workshop collectors can enjoy.

Badvertising: We Don’t Want To Lose Money! Please Buy This Obsolete Junk!

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

Windows. You either love them or hate them. Some see them as an invaluable way to let light into an otherwise darkened home while others see them as 3ft x 5ft invasions of their privacy. There are many types of window. Sash, double glazed, casement, transom, going all the way up to the stately bay window and the magnificent stained glass window. Windows can give us light but also allow us to look out on the glory of our surroundings.

They allow us, from a safe vantage point, to see what’s over the next hill. To see if the grass is indeed greener on the other side. Depending on where we live, they allow us to see the options available to us in the wider world. For some of us, that might just be the decision whether to go to the bakers’ for a pasty or it could be the choice between two diametrically opposed directions on the street. One- to death and glory, the other- to a life less ordinary.

Of course, these are all pitifully weak analogies designed to bring us to think about Microsoft Windows. More than 20 years now, Microsoft have been inflicting their Windows operating system on PC-owning shlubs and fools everywhere. That’s not to say that ‘PCs’ aren’t good, of course, they are. Let’s just get that out of the way now before we end up with 79 comments to approve that all say “RUTRIGITHISGTNRTIG ANTI MICROSOFT BIASSSSSS”.

Stupid Duke Nukem Forever Trailer Is Released

June 3rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Dunderheaded, probably passed off as post-modernist satire, Duke Nukem is coming back in a bevvy of boobs, stupid weapons, grating asides and dreadful metal bands. Of course, those onside adore him. Everyone wonders why people still play first-person shooters.

Either way, there’s a fizzing excitement in the gaming world as Duke Nukem Forever looms. It is getting an international release from June 10th onward across everything apart from the Wii.

And now, there’s a pissing trailer which features lesbian schoolgirls, aliens, pole dancers, daft weapons and Duke’s infamous all-action hero voice. Basically, he’s the man Jason Statham has based his whole career on. Which is a terrifying prospect.

SLACKERJACK – Psi Ops: The Mindgate Conspiracy

June 12th, 2008 By Ian Dransfield

In a manner not too dissimilar to that of Futurama’s TV chef Elzar, we’re going to take it up a notch here: BAM!

The world of free games just welcomed a new son into its midst, one full of psychics, violence, a crap story and some of the best pure fun you can have in a game – Psi Ops is being given away for free. This, friends, is a wonderful thing.