Articles tagged with: Paula Abdul
Paula Abdul To Strop Off American Idol In A Boggle-Eyed Huff
As far as American Idol goes, Simon is the brain, Randy is the mouth and Kara is like the appendix or something. And then there's Paula Abdul. Paula Abdul is American Idol's beating heart. Admittedly it's a slightly terrifying heart that seems to be drunk a lot of the time and often shrieks to itself for no particular reason, but it's still a heart. What would American Idol be like without Paula Abdul? It'd be professional and consistent. And rubbish. But we'll see that next year, because Paula Abdul is about to quit American Idol in a pay dispute.
As far as American Idol goes, Simon is the brain, Randy is the mouth and Kara is like the appendix or something. And then there's Paula Abdul. Paula Abdul is American Idol's beating heart. Admittedly it's a slightly terrifying heart that seems to be drunk a lot of the time and often shrieks to itself for no particular reason, but it's still a heart. What would American Idol be like without Paula Abdul? It'd be professional and consistent. And rubbish. But we'll see that next year, because Paula Abdul is about to quit American Idol in a pay dispute.
Simon Cowell’s Ex-Girlfriend Gets Choked, Somewhat Inexplicably
Great, American Idol's over. We're thrilled. No more talking about American Idol for another... what's that? Simon Cowell's ex-girlfriend Terri Seymour was allegedly choked by someone who appears to be a nutbag outside the American Idol studios on Tuesday night, you say? Oh great. Thanks very much. There we were, thinking we were all done with writing about American Idol for 2009, but oh no - Terri Seymour's stupid throat had to get in the bloody way, didn't it? Well screw you, Terri Seymour's idiot windpipe. You've ruined everything. EVERYTHING. Terri Seymour is OK, by the way. We're not monsters.
Great, American Idol's over. We're thrilled. No more talking about American Idol for another... what's that? Simon Cowell's ex-girlfriend Terri Seymour was allegedly choked by someone who appears to be a nutbag outside the American Idol studios on Tuesday night, you say? Oh great. Thanks very much. There we were, thinking we were all done with writing about American Idol for 2009, but oh no - Terri Seymour's stupid throat had to get in the bloody way, didn't it? Well screw you, Terri Seymour's idiot windpipe. You've ruined everything. EVERYTHING. Terri Seymour is OK, by the way. We're not monsters.
‘I Am Not A Drug Addict’ Garbles Paula Abdul
It made so much sense when Paula Abdul admitted her addiction to painkillers. The behaviour. The slurred speech. The extended tolerance of Randy Jackson. Yes, when Paula Abdul admitted that she'd spent 12 years off her box on a cocktail of medication, everything became clear. Simon Cowell's teeth hadn't sent her down a path to insanity. The inexplicable popularity of Danny Gokey hadn't turned her synapses to mush. It was the drugs. Except it wasn't. Paula Abdul has claimed that her statements were taken out of context. Apparently you can take harrowing descriptions of withdrawal out of context now. Who knew?
It made so much sense when Paula Abdul admitted her addiction to painkillers. The behaviour. The slurred speech. The extended tolerance of Randy Jackson. Yes, when Paula Abdul admitted that she'd spent 12 years off her box on a cocktail of medication, everything became clear. Simon Cowell's teeth hadn't sent her down a path to insanity. The inexplicable popularity of Danny Gokey hadn't turned her synapses to mush. It was the drugs. Except it wasn't. Paula Abdul has claimed that her statements were taken out of context. Apparently you can take harrowing descriptions of withdrawal out of context now. Who knew?
Paula Abdul: Opposites Attract (Her To A Buttload Of Painkillers)
Let's say American Idol is a family. Who would Paula Abdul be? Correct, she'd be your aggressive, incoherent, substance-addled mother. That's right - not your drunk mother or your mentally ill mother. Your substance-addled mother. Paula Abdul has finally revealed that she's been addicted to prescription painkillers for 12 years. and she went to rehab last year to get better. Silly Paula Abdul - this now means that the chances of her interrupting an American Idol episode to burp the theme-tune to Quincy or start licking her own chair are greatly reduced. And why else would we watch it? For the singing? Please.
Let's say American Idol is a family. Who would Paula Abdul be? Correct, she'd be your aggressive, incoherent, substance-addled mother. That's right - not your drunk mother or your mentally ill mother. Your substance-addled mother. Paula Abdul has finally revealed that she's been addicted to prescription painkillers for 12 years. and she went to rehab last year to get better. Silly Paula Abdul - this now means that the chances of her interrupting an American Idol episode to burp the theme-tune to Quincy or start licking her own chair are greatly reduced. And why else would we watch it? For the singing? Please.
Paula Abdul Gets Borated By Bruno
When Hecklerspray gets called into various places to accept awards and whatnot, we routinely do four things. The first is we always have a sword pointed at the innards of whoever hands us our trophy. That's just to ensure an enthusiastic and positive over-the-top speech, which works well over half the time. If you Youtube 'Hecklerspray, Billy Crystal, Kidney Sack Spill' 'you'll see exactly what we're talking about there. Other major celebrities have a similar routine of only attending certain award ceremonies. Paula Abdul, for instance, only attends them when the presenter is Sacha Baron Cohen with cameras rolling.
When Hecklerspray gets called into various places to accept awards and whatnot, we routinely do four things. The first is we always have a sword pointed at the innards of whoever hands us our trophy. That's just to ensure an enthusiastic and positive over-the-top speech, which works well over half the time. If you Youtube 'Hecklerspray, Billy Crystal, Kidney Sack Spill' 'you'll see exactly what we're talking about there. Other major celebrities have a similar routine of only attending certain award ceremonies. Paula Abdul, for instance, only attends them when the presenter is Sacha Baron Cohen with cameras rolling.
American Idol: Adam Lambert Is A Good Swimmer Or Something
Guess what happened on American Idol last night. Everyone sang songs. And Adam Lambert sang the best song. Shocking. Oh, wait. No. We meant massively predictable. But still, even though we all know who's going to win American Idol but still have to suffer through everyone else lumbering cluelessly through songs they've clearly never heard before, at least the judges can mix things up. During last night's American Idol Ratpack Night, Paula Abdul told Adam Lambert that he was 'Michael Phelps'. Or an 'eyeball whelk'. Or 'my heel yelps'. Honestly, who knows what that bloody woman was babbling on about.
Guess what happened on American Idol last night. Everyone sang songs. And Adam Lambert sang the best song. Shocking. Oh, wait. No. We meant massively predictable. But still, even though we all know who's going to win American Idol but still have to suffer through everyone else lumbering cluelessly through songs they've clearly never heard before, at least the judges can mix things up. During last night's American Idol Ratpack Night, Paula Abdul told Adam Lambert that he was 'Michael Phelps'. Or an 'eyeball whelk'. Or 'my heel yelps'. Honestly, who knows what that bloody woman was babbling on about.
Top 8 Bonkers Celebrities
Next time someone tells you that they're a 'little bit mad', don't greet the news with a cheerful honk and a quip about how you can be "bonkers" yourself sometimes. Call the cops, have them sectioned. It might seem harsh, but remember - there's just one mood swing between a hilarious farting noise when you bend over, and a bread knife being plunged into your chest because you're not the Take That fan they hoped you would be. With that in mind, we thought we'd go through a few celebrities we'd never befriend, for fear of dying at their hands...
Next time someone tells you that they're a 'little bit mad', don't greet the news with a cheerful honk and a quip about how you can be "bonkers" yourself sometimes. Call the cops, have them sectioned. It might seem harsh, but remember - there's just one mood swing between a hilarious farting noise when you bend over, and a bread knife being plunged into your chest because you're not the Take That fan they hoped you would be. With that in mind, we thought we'd go through a few celebrities we'd never befriend, for fear of dying at their hands...
American Idol Contestant Under Fire For Being Good At Singing
Joanna Pacitti's life is like a fairy tale - a slightly crappy fairy tale with no magic that's actually sort of boring. But a fairy tale nonetheless. Joanna Pacitti starred on Broadway as a child, she's sung songs for several terrible movies and she's been romantically involved with one of the world's least famous men. And now Joanna Pacitti is through to the next stage of American Idol. And everyone hates her. Joanna Pacitti shouldn't be on American Idol, they say, because she's already a great singer. And we all know that American Idol is about terrible singers like Taylor Hicks.
Joanna Pacitti's life is like a fairy tale - a slightly crappy fairy tale with no magic that's actually sort of boring. But a fairy tale nonetheless. Joanna Pacitti starred on Broadway as a child, she's sung songs for several terrible movies and she's been romantically involved with one of the world's least famous men. And now Joanna Pacitti is through to the next stage of American Idol. And everyone hates her. Joanna Pacitti shouldn't be on American Idol, they say, because she's already a great singer. And we all know that American Idol is about terrible singers like Taylor Hicks.
