Posts tagged as:

Paula Abdul

Cheryl Cole Hates America And Simon Cowell But Loves Girls Aloud

by Mof Gimmers

We live in a world that is dominated by girl groups… and it really is fantastic. Rock is pretty much dead in the water, filled with bloated, self-worthy fellas with guitars peddling pedestrian, plodding pish. The girls meanwhile are making fun, Friday night records. Apart from Adele. And now that Cheryl Cole has been ‘freed’ [...]

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Simon Cowell Is As Good As A Dead Man To Cheryl Cole

by Mof Gimmers

One of the odd things that surrounds Cheryl Cole, is people’s propensity to note that she was working class. It is supposed to be a negative that she’s a chav who got lucky – like that’s a bad thing. It is unfortunate then, that she’s now indulging in a playgroup scrap with Simon Cowell, indeed [...]

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Paula Abdul Hates Cheryl Cole And Her Clothes

by Joanna Bolouri

Here at hecklerspray, there are just two things guaranteed to make us deliriously giddy. One is watching the munchkin scene from The Wizard of Oz, where they’re all dead happy and singing about death, making us truly believe that all tiny people singing people are filled with love for each other.  The other is Justin [...]

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Simon Cowell Is Sorry About Cheryl Cole, But Still Refuses To Fasten More Buttons On His Shirt

by Mof Gimmers

Simon Cowell is pulling a sad face at the moment. Well, he’s trying to. The front bit of his head seems strangely immovable these days doesn’t it? It’s like a taut sausage, waiting to be popped with a fork. This is not a call to stab Cowell in the face should you see him. Where [...]

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Has Cheryl Cole Been Unceremoniously Dumped From X Factor USA For Perfectly Understandable Accent?

by Mof Gimmers

America has a huge variety of accents, from the baffling Boston garble, to the irritating Valley speak, not to mention the bizarre voices you hear in the Deep South. Sadly, America also has lazy earholes and can’t be bothered learning how to adapt to any European accents. And this could well be the reason that [...]

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Javine Wants Someone Who Can Actually Sing On X Factor (So She Can See What A Proper Singer Looks Like)

by Mof Gimmers

Remember Javine Hylton? No? She’s the girl famous for being called a ‘slag’ by Jamelia on Nevermind The Buzzcocks. Yeah. You vaguely recall that? Well, elsewhere, Javine has knocked uglies with MC Harvey, not won Eurovision and not won Popstars: The Rivals. Basically, there’s very little of note about her, apart from her curious teeth. [...]

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Cheryl Cole Really Doesn’t Want To End Up Like Paula Abdul (Who Does?)

by Mof Gimmers

Cheryl Cole is having a gay old time in America with her career going rather well. He’s got massive hair, a huge salary, gleaming teeth and sunny weather! What more could a young successful woman honestly ask for? Love, you berk. Everybody, as the song says, needs somebody. And with that, Wor Cheryl is looking [...]

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Cheryl Cole Predictably Gets American X Factor Gig

by Mof Gimmers

What has Cheryl Cole done to get such unswerving favour from Simon Cowell? Seriously. He seems absolutely determined to make a superstar of her and it can’t solely be down to the fact she’s hard working, good looking and willing to do as she’s told. We can only imagine the horrors that lie in his [...]

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Simon Cowell Ruins Top Of The Pops Forever

by Joanna Bolouri

Simon Cowell wants stuff. Feel free to replace the word stuff with ‘EVERYTHING’. He wants big houses, flashy cars, the systematic psychological destruction of  vulnerable human beings for entertainment purposes and he probably wants that sandwich you had for lunch earlier. But what he really wants, more than anything the whole wide world is to launch his [...]

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Simon Cowell Is Still Wary Of The Completely Insane Paula Abdul

by Mof Gimmers

With The X Factor about to hit US shores (brace yourselves Americans – you won’t know what’s hit you once it gets going), every single celebrity – alive and dead – has been linked to the chairs of the judging panel. Of course, this is all great news for Simon Cowell, who is so needy [...]

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