50% off your Pizza Hut food bill over the weekend (click here and get jiggy with a large Hawaiian)
Wearing a suit when you don’t need to (turn up for beers on a Friday night and unnerve people. They’ll think your lotto numbers have come up and buy you drinks)
Dead Fred (‘kill’ something each time you use your pen. Perfect if you get upset signing cheques)
Frankie Boyle (a comedian who would probably rip the piss if you spontaneously combusted on his doorstep)
Creased:
Paul Newman: the sad passing of a Hollywood legend (not many of these old school matinee idols left now. A damn shame)
Duffy wandering down the street swigging a bottle of milk in her new video (so self consciously hip that she doesn’t even need to smile. That’s cool, kids; milky and miserable)
Righteous Kill (should have been made and released in 1989 to clog up the STV shelves of Ritz video)
Half price sales (normally you wouldn’t be seen dead buying that yellow t-shirt from Next, but there you are, queuing up with everyone else, wasting your heard earned cash on sub-boot sale fodder)
Sex On Fire by Kings of Leon, apparently (anyone else thought this was some crappy new soft rock combo doing the soundtrack for One Tree Hill?)
10 - The reason Stu got dropped from Sky News at the last minute last night. Oh, you’ll pay for this, US House Of Representatives. You stopped Stu’s beard from being on the telly – Sky News
9 – This is what we like. Feelgood stories about bottoms being stapled shut -Baltimore Examiner
8 – As an apology for the Taliban, the Afghans try to assassinate Ant & Dec – Holy Moly
7 - This woman says we should have more manners. Hey lady! Stick your manners up your tits! – Divine Caroline
This weekend, the world lost Paul Newman to cancer – a sad but hardly surprising piece of news, given his age and ill health.
However, although he may have physically passed away, Paul Newman will never really die – he’ll live on forever in our hearts and minds with both his indelible, iconic movie roles and also his yummo salad dressing.
When someone as legendary as Paul Newman passes away, it’s only natural for other celebrities to share their memories of the deceased with everyone. So, as such, we’ve decided to pass on perhaps the most relevant tribute of all – Paul Newman’s co-star in Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid, The Sting and Termintor 3: Rise Of The Machines, Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Overuse of metaphors on The Hotel Inspector voiceover (about a former-lighthouse B&B: ‘The owners are all at sea’, ‘About to enter choppy waters’ or ‘The bathroom is flushed for success’)
Bad news about Paul Newman (83 year old smoker or not, this sucks for a Hollywood legend. That’s right, legend. No exaggeration)
It may well be out of character for hecklerspray to be genuine twice in a day, but Paul Newman is a better reason than any to break with tradition.
The 83-year-old has reportedly been told he has weeks to live following chemotherapy treatment for lung cancer and, when confronted with the news, he told doctors he wanted to die at home.
Just as he has proven time and time again through his long life, Paul Newman is nothing less than a man’s man – dictating where death is allowed to get its slimy mitts on him.
While we did all hope that Newman would crack a pool cue over cancer’s back, it would appear that the insidious little bastard of a disease has managed to one-up Butch Cassidy.
While we hope to God, Allah, Buddah, Xenu and everyone else in-between that the reports are as inaccurate as the ones saying Bernie Mac was healthy, recent images of Newman have left us with little hope, showing the legend looking weak and frail – a shell of the man we at hecklerspray have a real love for.
This week’s this and that.
This week’s uppers and downers.
It may well be out of character for hecklerspray to be genuine twice in a day, but Paul Newman is a better reason than any to break with tradition.
