Paul McCartney - HecklerSpray

70 Year Old Paul McCartney Definitely Does Not Smell Like Teen Spirit

December 14th, 2012 By Chris Chambers

When word first leaked that Paul McCartney was going to “play Kurt” in a Nirvana reunion, the entire world?winced in horror. What a truly horrible thought.

Thankfully, the rumor was misinterpreted.?The remaining members of Nirvana did, in fact,?reunite and Sir Paul did record with them, but they didn’t play any Nirvana or any Beatles. They did, however,?compose a pretty awful original?song called “Cut Me Some Slack,”? which they performed?for the first time on-stage at the 12.12.12 Concert for Sandy Relief.

Paul McCartney Almost Died, The Olympics Might’ve Been Better

November 12th, 2012 By Chris Starr

You know when somehow people suppress information for months and months because they know that it’d send the nation into a mad panic if it was reported at the time? Like how people never knew how close Britain came to losing the world wars, or how close terrorists come to blowing us up. Well we have old news for you!

Paul McCartney almost died. That’s right. The loveable, fake-haired moptop singer of the Beatles (the only one still living that’s not called Ringo Starr, natch) could’ve been involved in a helicopter crash. Back in May.

6 Simple Steps to Break Up With Your Celebrity Girlfriend

September 20th, 2012 By Chris Starr

We’ve all been there. You’re hanging out the back of your super-hot celebrity girlfriend when suddenly you think “I’m not emotionally fulfilled here.” Forget the perfect face, the bounteous lips and the banging set of boobs that don’t come out on celluloid except for a $20 million fee. Dammit, you’re more than a robot, and you have feelings, and this woman doesn’t support your desire to create an animatronic version of Led Zeppelin!

You know what you have to do, don’t you? You’ve got to man up and end that relationship. Sure – you’ll feel bad. But don’t. Because it’s the circle of life. And it moves us all: through despair and hope, through faith and love. ‘Til we find our place on the path unwinding. It’s the circle. The circle of life.

The Beatles 1, People In Wheelchairs 0

March 30th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Do The Beatles hate people in wheelchairs? John Lennon was always ‘spazzing’ during the Fab Four’s shows in the 60s wasn’t he? Is there some kind of ablist agenda with the group? Surely not? Surely that can’t be right?

Executives at Apple Corps, which is the company set up by the assorted members of Mop Tops, have taken up a dispute with a load of wheelchairs.

And the wheelchairs didn’t stand a chance in the face of the might that is The Most Famous Band Who Ever Lived.

Paul McCartney Will Not Be Taking Drugs Because He’s Realised How Sad He Looks Trying To Be A Rebel

February 17th, 2012 By Sophie Hall

Alright everybody, heads up. Everyone’s least favourite Beatle has an announcement to make – one that makes him seem almost responsible and, simultaneously like a lame-rebel pensioner. Ready?

Paul McCartney will not be taking any more drugs anymore.

This will no doubt hurtle straight into, say, number 7 or so on the?‘Other Seriously Important Things That Don’t Happen Any More List.‘ ?that we all live by day after day. And if you’re wondering what the rest of the list is and Macca’s reasons why he’s knocking blow on the head, read on.

The Olympics Recruit Hip New Musical Talent In The Form Of Paul McCartney

January 23rd, 2012 By Matthew Laidlow

The year 2012, what exactly does it mean to you? For enthusiasts of time, calendars and dates, 2012 means a leap year! That's right, it isn't one of those run of the mill 365 day occasions. Instead, we get an extra day that normally doesn't exist! Roll on February 29th!

And this year, thuggish England football fans will be getting excited as they prepare to jet off to Poland and the Ukraine to witness our lads (? The Sun) losing in Euro 2012.

But the mass global event we're all thoroughly bored of hearing about is the 2012 Olympics. Like a school sports day on a grander scale, millions from around the world will get to see London make a complete mess of it. With the help of an all singing, all dancing and all wrinkled Paul McCartney.

Ringo Starr Claims That Paul McCartney Remembers Who He Is

January 12th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Ringo Starr, quite possibly still going around warning everyone with ‘peace and love’, is opening and closing his mouth again, letting words tumble out and reminding everyone that he once provided the voice for Thomas The Tank Engine and friends.

He’s also nattering about his famous chum, Sir Paul McCartney.

Apparently, the 10th best drummer in The Beatles (after John Lennon, Sir Macca, George Harrison, George Martin, Billy Preston, Pete Best, Stuart Sutcliffe, Yoko Ono, Astrid Kirchherr and that arhythmic dripping tap in studio 2 of Abbey Road) is still in close contact with the only useful living member of the Fab Four.

Paul McCartney To Do ‘Standards’ Album Because He’s Officially Out Of Good Ideas

December 20th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Paul McCartney is bringing a new album out. There’s a phrase that hasn’t caused too much excitement since Wings were knee-high to a grasshopper. Unless, of course, you’re a bloated Beatle fanatic who is unable to hear any criticism against any of the Fabs. Ever.

Unless it’s Ringo.

The fact remains, Macca is going to stick a new LP out on 7th February and he’s doing a whole bunch of cover versions because, sadly for him, he’s run out of ideas. The last vague hit he had was ‘Dance Tonight’ and that was thoroughly poo.

Stella Says Perfume Is Inspired By Linda McCartney Prompting Cruel Jokefest!

December 14th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

The McCartney family have done alright for themselves haven’t they? Weird that those related to a Beatle should make it completely off their own bat, eh? No help from famous papa there at all! Nope. Never.

Anyway, the child that has done the best is Sir Paul McCartney’s daughter Stella. She likes making clothes that you can’t afford.

Now, she’s created a perfume in tribute to her mother, Linda, which is an absolute godsend for people who like to make snide jokes about the deceased.

Wings’ Paul McCartney Had His Phone Hacked, Apparently. It’s Like Mark Chapman All Over Again

August 5th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Sir Paul McCartney, of forgotten ’70s beat group Wings, has for some peculiar reason, had his phone hacked by ‘so-called journalists’ and he’s gone grassing everyone up to the police. Including us. We got a letter informing us we’d be under investigation.

Even though we only have one PAYG mobile phone (the one with Snake II on), we do use it to get into people’s voicemails. We’ve got a great story about the not very famous comedian David Schneider, but that’s for another time.

Anyway, Macca is not pleased that we’ve been in his messages, very much in the same way his former wife, Heather Mills, was hopping mad (fnarr) that she’d had her voicemails hacked into and, of course, John Lennon’s chest was very much breached by Mark Chapman with his best gun.