Older readers, if they cast their minds right back, may remember a time when Lindsay Lohan was, you know, interesting.

Really interesting, too – there wasn’t any of this ‘occasional blogging about her implied lesbianism’ malarkey going on back then. Because, back then, Lindsay Lohan could hardly go a day without getting hammered on one substance or another and driving around all over the place like a cackling bug-eyed lunatic until she was arrested. It was fun.

But if you can’t remember that, you soon will – because some peripheral characters from one of these bug-eyed driving encounters have decided to sue Lindsay Lohan for causing them ‘surprise, shock, fear and panic’. Well, hey, we’ve seen the trailer for I Know Who Killed Me – and if fear and panic are legitimate reasons for suing Lindsay Lohan, then we’ll just go and put a downpayment on that hillside mansion right now.

What exactly is Lindsay Lohan famous for these days? It’s certainly not being an actress. Is it occasionally holding a boyish girl’s hand? Her thundering political wisdom? Whatever it is, it’s rubbish.

The new Lindsay Lohan isn’t a patch on the constantly-shitfaced troublemaker that was the old Lindsay Lohan. In fact, thanks to Living Lohan and her dad’s reaction to it, it’s safe to say that Lindsay Lohan isn’t even in the top three most objectionable people in the Lohan family any more. True, it’s quite a hard family to crack – Mugabe would be hard-pressed to make the top five – but, come on, this is Lindsay Lohan we’re talking about. We expect more.

But, since Lindsay Lohan seems determined to continue down this dreary path towards cable-subscription erotic thriller career oblivion, Lindsay Lohan’s past has no option but to come back to take the slack a bit. How does it plan to do that? Only by cajoling some guest-stars in one of history’s most iconic Lohan meltdown moments to rear up and hit Lindsay Lohan with a gigantic lawsuit, that’s how.

Remember the last time that Lindsay Lohan was arrested for DUI? When she jumped into a car with her pockets full of cocaine, told the passengers “I’m a celebrity, I can do whatever the fuck I want” and chased a car full of terrified women around town until the police were called? Well, even though that happened over a year ago, those passengers have decided to sue Lindsay Lohan for it. E! Online reports:

“As it became clear what Lohan intended, the startled and fearful passengers cried for their lives,” the suit states… [plaintiffs] Blake, Sutter and Nigre are seeking at least $50,000 in damages to cover negligence, assault, battery, false imprisonment, intentional infliction of emotional distress, conversion, trespass and slander.

This isn’t the first time the passengers have tried to sue Lindsay Lohan – there was talk of a lawsuit right after the arrest – but this time it looks as though they mean business. Or at least they would if Lindsay Lohan’s lawyers were taking it seriously. This is genuinely what lawyer Ed McPherson said in response to the lawsuit:

“If this was truly the ‘worst night’ of their summer, and not their best night, one has to wonder why they didn’t just get out of the car during the many opportunities they had to do so.”

Wow. Maybe he’s right, though. Maybe being driven around at terrifying speeds by a shitfaced Lindsay Lohan really did constitute the best night of those passengers’ summer. You can’t help feeling, though, that if that was true, those boys must have had a really shitty summer.

What was their second best night? The night that one of them had their eyed pected out by a rabid owl? The night that one of them fell out of a helicopter into a skip full of dirty HIV needles? The night that they all went to see Georgia Rule at the cinema?

No, we’ve gone too far.