Lindsay Lohan may want to walk away from trouble, but the fact is, trouble isn’t prepared to let her go. Trouble, in this instance, is like a jealous ex who won’t let her get on with her life because he knows that LiLo is super fun when she’s evading the law and falling flat on her face, hammered on cheap cocktails.
And so, after a really boring house-imprisonment, it looked like Lohan was going to start working on films again and giving us leeches absolutely nothing to write about.
AND THEN! PRAISE BE! Remember that woman who said LiLo smacked her upside her head in rehab? She’s back. And she’s back with a million dollar lawsuit!
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We liked Lindsay Lohan when she was a drug addled, diamond stealing, near-alcoholic who indulged in all manner of sexual activities, with not a care in the world what people thought of her. That’s our kind of celebrity.
If you’re going to be wealthy and influential, then it is your duty to exploit it. It keeps schmucks like us in stories and, most importantly, seething jealousy.
However, since the long arm of the law caught up with her, she looked like she was going to turn into some famous bore like Ben Fogle. Yet we still had hope when she appeared in court dressed like a Milanese prostitute. And now, she’s finished her community service, she’s back on the piss!
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So Kevin Federline has finally moved on from Britney Spears – except that he seems to have moved on to Paris Hilton, which isn't so much 'moving on' as 'doing something especially turd-brained'.
Not that Kevin Federline and Paris Hilton are doing anything particularly romantic in public, of course – at the moment the pair of them have only set tongues wagging by talking to each other in Las Vegas nightclubs two nights in a row. However, given the difficulty that they both have forming even rudimentary sentences without getting nosebleeds from concentrating too hard, we should obviously take this fact alone as a sign that Kevin Federline and Paris Hilton are doing it and in love and want to get married right away. Even if none of that is true.
But let's just assume that it is true, because it's January 2 and bugger all else has happened today.
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