Clothes, they're important aren't they? We wear them to primarily keep us warm, though there are people who?ll pay over the odds for the same white t-shirt, just because they've got a fancy designer label stitched in. But whatever the cost, they all come in handy, especially if hot chip fat is destined towards scalding our genitals.

As adults, we have the choice of whether we want to cover ourselves in the finest clubbed seal, or market-stall clobber. Babies however, have no control in what garments they’re clothed in. Boys wear blue and girls get covered in pink, though both items will have the same eerie smiling bubble bee design.

People don’t mind buying cheap clothes for babies because they grow so appallingly quickly. Anything will do. Most tots are clad in hessian sacks aren’t they? If you're one of the rich and famous, life?s a little easier. Instead of actually buying clothes, it's sometimes appears that designers use newborn children as crawling billboards to promote their stuff. Marc Jacobs won't be complaining after mystery child Blue Ivy Carter has been seen in his tiny person?s shoes.

In news that will shock all right-thinking people, and leave the Beckhams kicking themselves that they didn't think of it first, Beyonce and Jay-Z are attempting to trademark their baby?s name, Blue Ivy.

we're not sure if we're allowed to even write ?Blue Ivy? without giving them some sort of remuneration, actually?

Following two unsuccessful attempts by money-grubbing opportunists to trademark Blue Ivy, the ludicrous couple have filed a patent application with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office to protect it, in the process managing to look really, really arrogant and a bit mental.