5 - Shark fights octopus. Octopus wins. We build shrine to the octopus so it doesn’t come after us next.

4 - Are Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley going to remake Saturday Night Fever? Here’s a clue – if they do, we’re getting the Anthrax out – Holy Moly

3 - Quiz: pornstar having an orgasm or member of the Republican party? – men.style

2 - Hey, which of the nine types of drinker are you? Personally we’re a little bit number two and a little bit number three, but we guess that’s what all number nines say – BBC

1 - There’s a swearing parrot in Durham. We’ll book the minibus – Metro