So you’re Paris Hilton. You’re primarily known for having graphic sex on the internet and drink-driving.
Where’s the one place on the planet that you probably shouldn’t visit? Why, somewhere that rules public drunkenness and sex outside of wedlock to be illegal, of course. Somewhere like, ooh, Dubai. Which, incidentally, is where Paris Hilton has decided to set the new season of her reality TV show Paris Hilton’s My New BFF. Seriously. Guh.
We know what you’re thinking, and we totally agree – if Paris Hilton’s new Dubai BFF doesn’t turn out to be Jim Davidson, then we’re starting a riot.
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We’ve been to Camden a few times. It’s an experience to say the least when you leave the tube at Camden Town.
Stand still for long enough and the local addicts will quickly assume you’re a dealer.
Camden is also the spiritual home of Amy Winehouse, Sarah Harding and unfunny man Noel Fielding. Not only do you have to be content with sharing a postcode with these people, but you also have to put up with the hundreds of copycat children who don jeans so tight that their right testicle will explode from the pressured circulation. But prepare yourself for some LA glamour – Paris Hilton’s coming to town.
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It’s a scary time to be alive. Everywhere you look there are people dying, mothers crying, politicians lying and girlfriends prying.
We are told global warming is going to drown us, terrorists are going to blow us up and Paris Hilton is going to have a baby – it’s all too much.
The human body hasn’t evolved the capacity to deal with such misery, and so it seems that mass suicide is the only reasonable option.
But wait! Put down your nooses, brothers and sisters! Kick off those high heels, rip off those fish nets and spit that orange to the floor, because it would appear that Paris Hilton aint pregnant after all!
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As a person currently using the internet, chances are you don't have any friends. But Paris Hilton wants to change all that right now.
Because Paris Hilton wants you to be her friend. Well, not you obviously. Someone who's a little less likely to stab her in the eye in a fit of rage within 20 seconds of meeting her. You know, someone who – shudder – actually likes Paris Hilton.
Yesterday Paris Hilton launched her new reality TV show, entitled Paris Hilton's My New BFF – short for 'best friend forever'. The show was going to be called Paris Hilton's My New BFFTPOASLRTSAICINS – short for 'best friend for the purposes of a short-lived reality TV show and I'm certain it's not sincere', but BFF's just that little bit snappier.
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