Posts tagged as:

Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton Was Too Busy, Or Too Important, Or Too Unimportant, Maybe, To Attend Nicole Richie’s Wedding

by Amy Grindhouse

Paris Hilton had been best friends with Nicole Richie since the age of two – and yet did not attend the wedding of she and Joel Madden. Was Paris dying, finally, of some horrid communicable disease? Was she otherwise busy finding the cure for her inevitable bevy of STDs? Was she washing her hair? Was [...]

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Dina Lohan Finally Admits Lindsay Is A Chocolate Buttons Addict… Oh, Wait.

by Amy Grindhouse

Dina Lohan has finally admitted that her daughter, Lindsay Lohan, is an addict. We were excited to learn this, as we’re on pretty hard stuff too. Our weight in chocolate buttons, every time we get the hecklerspray house groceries in. Giving up is hard to do. Lindsay’s an addict too. She’s not addicted to anything [...]

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Lindsay Lohan Meets Up With Her Dad At Betty Ford Clinic Which Is Boring

by Mof Gimmers

Lindsay Lohan was once an actress. Then she was a lesbian. Then she was a drug-addled crackpot. Now, she’s in rehab and looking at herself in the mirror thinking “Jeez. All I wanted was a good time! It’s not like I killed anyone!” And now, her father – who has been rentagob for a quote [...]

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Lindsay Lohan Might Be Going To Prison For The 83rd Time This Week

by Mof Gimmers

Is Lindsay Lohan in prison? Was she supposed to be going? Did she get off with it? Has she built a special prison annexe on her house which she sleeps in? Is there anyone who can keep up with history’s lamest criminal? Well apparently, she’s could be going to prison again, despite being already in [...]

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Man Arrested For Knocking On Paris Hilton’s Door

by Mof Gimmers

Paris Hilton is quite keen for us to explore her weird celebutante world. She’s encouraged us to watch her do work experience (as in, experience work for the first time) and she’s asked us to become her new best friend. She’s even allowed us to watch her having sex, which was kind of her. However, [...]

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Paris Hilton’s Boyfriend Runs A Woman Over With His Motor Car

by Mof Gimmers

Walking piggy bank, Paris Hilton, is having a rough time of it at the moment. Yes, she’s insanely rich, but everyone’s seen her getting off with Lindsay Lohan and she’s in trouble for remembering the difference between cocaine and chewing gum. Of course, we’re only showing vague interest in her because she was thrust into [...]

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Pictures Of Lindsay Lohan Allegedly Taking Drugs And Kissing Paris Hilton Leaked

by Mof Gimmers

Lindsay Lohan leaves jail filled with remorse and a fresh sense of perspective, which sees her heading back to rehab and being a Good Samaritan by spending the week looking upset in the presence of homeless people. She’s like Lady Diana or something. However, to spoil her week, someone has timed their run perfectly and [...]

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Paris Hilton Confesses To Knowing The Difference Between Cocaine And Chewing Gum

by Mof Gimmers

It must be wonderful being Paris Hilton. Think about it. You can wander through life with all the wide-eyed innocence of a toddler in a field full of butterflies, yet still have all the sordid fun that adults have. Money is no object in Hiltonville, so you can toot as much coke as you like, [...]

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Paris Hilton Released From Prison After 3 Hours After Drug Bust

by Mof Gimmers

Celebrities seem to get special treatment when it comes to the law don’t they? Mick Jagger was one of the first high profile busts, which prompted an outpouring in the media called ‘Who Breaks A Butterfly Upon A Wheel’. When Lindsay Lohan went to prison, we responded with a similarly sensitive article called Lindsay Lohan [...]

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Paris Hilton Several Times Stupider Than Anybody Imagined

by Stuart Heritage

So. You’re Paris Hilton. Wait, wait, take that man’s penis out of your mouth, we haven’t finished yet. OK, you’re Paris Hilton. You’ve just been arrested and charged with felony cocaine possession after a police officer found a bag of drugs in your handbag. Luckily you have a cast-iron excuse – the bag isn’t yours. [...]

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