Articles tagged with: Paris Hilton
Kourtney Kardashian Burgled, Offensive Amount Of Jewellery Stolen
This weekend thieves broke into Kourtney Kardashian's home and stole jewellery worth around $80,000. But they didn't take her dignity. True, the only reason for that is because, as a star of an E! reality show and the sister of a woman who everyone has seen getting unenthusiastically diddled from behind on the internet, Kourtney Kardashian shed every last ounce of her dignity long, long ago. But that's not our point. Our point is that Kourtney Kardashian was burgled this weekend. So keep your eyes on eBay. As soon as you see a bunch of ugly necklaces that you wouldn't even wear as a joke, we'll have found our prime suspect.
This weekend thieves broke into Kourtney Kardashian's home and stole jewellery worth around $80,000. But they didn't take her dignity. True, the only reason for that is because, as a star of an E! reality show and the sister of a woman who everyone has seen getting unenthusiastically diddled from behind on the internet, Kourtney Kardashian shed every last ounce of her dignity long, long ago. But that's not our point. Our point is that Kourtney Kardashian was burgled this weekend. So keep your eyes on eBay. As soon as you see a bunch of ugly necklaces that you wouldn't even wear as a joke, we'll have found our prime suspect.
WEBTHUMP! September 30 2009
10 - Want to go to a fancy secret Bee Stings album launch party in London on Friday? You should jolly well ask for an invite here, then - Beestings 9 - Here, have a pretty map of all 13,000 McDonalds branches in America - Geekologie 8 - What's the highest level of smarm that you think Simon Cowell could ever achieve? Double it. Double it again. You're still waaaay off - WWM 7 - Look, it's a lovely teasmade - Interestment
Parade Magazine Is Making Subtle Promiscuity Difficult
Parade has always felt as though it were one of the more benign of the women's magazines. It appears to avoid some of the sleazier bylines of the younger magazines like Cosmopolitan and Glamour. Gone are sub-headings about nifty ways to snare a mate without being slapped with a restraining order. Gone are articles about how to put out on the first date like a good little alpha-female whose moral compass has been carefully whittled over the years thanks to dozens of Sex and the City re-runs. Seems all of those years of playing sexual second-fiddle to the more overt magazines is taking its toll on Parade. The magazine is biting back and calling a slightly odd selection of celebrities promiscuous, in an attempt to get its sexy back.
Parade has always felt as though it were one of the more benign of the women's magazines. It appears to avoid some of the sleazier bylines of the younger magazines like Cosmopolitan and Glamour. Gone are sub-headings about nifty ways to snare a mate without being slapped with a restraining order. Gone are articles about how to put out on the first date like a good little alpha-female whose moral compass has been carefully whittled over the years thanks to dozens of Sex and the City re-runs. Seems all of those years of playing sexual second-fiddle to the more overt magazines is taking its toll on Parade. The magazine is biting back and calling a slightly odd selection of celebrities promiscuous, in an attempt to get its sexy back.
Michael Jackson Apparently Inspired By, Er, Paris Hilton
When Michael Jackson was young, he didn’t really get to do the things that his friends were doing. Instead of playing baseball and smashing windows with a football, he had to deal with daily beatings. Good old Joe Jackson didn’t want to teach Michael how to dance; he wanted to smack it into him instead. As a result, nearly everything Michael Jackson has done has causes his fans to literally orgasm when they reminisce about their hero. It’s now a common practice for parents to dangle their children off balconies, all because Michael Jackson did it. However, when it came to naming his own children, Michael didn’t do it! Professional no-one and crap porn maker Paris Hilton helped out. Supposedly. But probably not.
When Michael Jackson was young, he didn’t really get to do the things that his friends were doing. Instead of playing baseball and smashing windows with a football, he had to deal with daily beatings. Good old Joe Jackson didn’t want to teach Michael how to dance; he wanted to smack it into him instead. As a result, nearly everything Michael Jackson has done has causes his fans to literally orgasm when they reminisce about their hero. It’s now a common practice for parents to dangle their children off balconies, all because Michael Jackson did it. However, when it came to naming his own children, Michael didn’t do it! Professional no-one and crap porn maker Paris Hilton helped out. Supposedly. But probably not.
Paris Hilton Goes To Court For Something Or Other
Remember that Paris Hilton film Pledge This? No? Well, without a shadow of a doubt that's Paris Hilton's fault. She killed that movie. Not for the reasons stated by Pledge This investor Michael I. Goldberg, though. He says that the film tanked because Paris Hilton didn't do enough to promote the movie, and because of this he's dragged Paris to a court in Miami so that he can sue her for $8 million. Which seems weird. We're no legal experts, but we'd have assumed that Pledge This tanked because Paris Hilton was in it. Shows what we know, huh?
Remember that Paris Hilton film Pledge This? No? Well, without a shadow of a doubt that's Paris Hilton's fault. She killed that movie. Not for the reasons stated by Pledge This investor Michael I. Goldberg, though. He says that the film tanked because Paris Hilton didn't do enough to promote the movie, and because of this he's dragged Paris to a court in Miami so that he can sue her for $8 million. Which seems weird. We're no legal experts, but we'd have assumed that Pledge This tanked because Paris Hilton was in it. Shows what we know, huh?
Paris Hilton Seeks New BFF And Possible Flogging In Dubai
So you're Paris Hilton. You're primarily known for having graphic sex on the internet and drink-driving. Where's the one place on the planet that you probably shouldn't visit? Why, somewhere that rules public drunkenness and sex outside of wedlock to be illegal, of course. Somewhere like, ooh, Dubai. Which, incidentally, is where Paris Hilton has decided to set the new season of her reality TV show Paris Hilton's My New BFF. Seriously. Guh. We know what you're thinking, and we totally agree - if Paris Hilton's new Dubai BFF doesn't turn out to be Jim Davidson, then we're starting a riot.
So you're Paris Hilton. You're primarily known for having graphic sex on the internet and drink-driving. Where's the one place on the planet that you probably shouldn't visit? Why, somewhere that rules public drunkenness and sex outside of wedlock to be illegal, of course. Somewhere like, ooh, Dubai. Which, incidentally, is where Paris Hilton has decided to set the new season of her reality TV show Paris Hilton's My New BFF. Seriously. Guh. We know what you're thinking, and we totally agree - if Paris Hilton's new Dubai BFF doesn't turn out to be Jim Davidson, then we're starting a riot.
WEBTHUMP! Tuesday 19 May 2009
10 - Make the whole internet as shouty as Kanye West's blog - Mychemicaltoilet 9 - Some cover versions that are better than the originals - Interestment 8 - Who should play Sinatra in the new Scorsese film? Oh, these people - Bestweekever 7 - We wish Watchdog was more like this - Shoutingatcows
Paris Hilton To Stop All Wars By Herself
Sometimes it’s obvious to find a solution for a problem that has been bugging you for ages. Sick of getting a nasty shock all over your body? Removing your fingers from the plug socket will always be a solution to stop that problem. One eternal issue that has plagued the world for centuries has been war. People have been shoving sticks in to each other, burning down castles and dropping bombs on rival countries. It doesn’t look set to stop any time soon as Batman, The Pope and Bono can’t find a solution. But one dizzy American can. Not Hilary Clinton, but another called Paris Hilton.
Sometimes it’s obvious to find a solution for a problem that has been bugging you for ages. Sick of getting a nasty shock all over your body? Removing your fingers from the plug socket will always be a solution to stop that problem. One eternal issue that has plagued the world for centuries has been war. People have been shoving sticks in to each other, burning down castles and dropping bombs on rival countries. It doesn’t look set to stop any time soon as Batman, The Pope and Bono can’t find a solution. But one dizzy American can. Not Hilary Clinton, but another called Paris Hilton.
