Joe Jackson Enslaves His Dancing Orphan Grandkids Or Whatever As far as we can tell the only good thing to come out of Michael Jackson's death is that he could now remake the zombie part of his Thriller video with a much smaller portion of budget allotted to the makeup department. The choreography might be a touch less fluid, but still. In that context this whole unfortunate death thing is a Hollywood financier's dream. Joe Jackson, allegedly, thinks some other lemonade can be made from the whole mess. He's trying hard to convince MJ's three kids to take to the stage in a worldwide tour sort of way.

Lindsay Lohan Gets Covered In White Powder. For Once Fur coats are important to Lindsay Lohan - sometimes they're all that stop her prematurely withered cha-chas from the elements. However, some people - some French people to be precise - don't approve of Lindsay Lohan's continued endorsement of animal fur. As such they've felt the need to attack Lindsay Lohan, and attack her with a starchy baking ingredient. too. To put it bluntly, someone threw flour at Lindsay Lohan this weekend, and it made Lindsay Lohan sad. But it also made Lindsay Lohan's boyfriend Samantha Ronson furious. Furious enough to dash to her computer and thrash out an angry dollop of screed about it on her blog. So it must be serious - Sam Ronson only uses her blog for important matters, like politics and private matters and reality TV shows and that time she totally just spent like six hours playing Guitar Hero until her hands were sore. You know, the big stuff.

Beyonce & Jay-Z Get Married On The Hush, Perhaps

It's becoming slightly traditional for rumours of a Jay-Z/ Beyonce marriage to surface every December, but this this time it looks like they might have been spot-on.

Reports are surfacing that Jay-Z and Beyonce properly went and got married during a trip to Paris last week. They're completely unconfirmed rumours, of course, but we'll soon see how true they are because apparently Jay-Z and Beyonce both got their fingers tattooed instead of swapping wedding rings. That doesn't necessarily mean we should all strain our eyes trying to look for infinitesimal markings on Jay-Z and Beyonce's fingers, though - the signs will be much more obvious than that. On the basis that they both let a Frenchman tattoo their fingers last week, we just need to look out for the 'Beyonce Has One Giant Septic Hand Covered In Pus' headlines to confirm everything we need to know.