There’s been a lot of buzz surrounding the release of the new Captain America film, despite the fact that, as superheroes go, Captain America is pretty lame. He’s called Captain America for starters – how lame is that?

Anyway, the first full movie trailer for Paramount/Marvel flick has arrived online, much to everyone’s initial thrill.

Captain America: The First Avenger has been directed by Joe Johston (who did… uh… Jurassic Park III and Jumanji… Christ, this is going to be awful isn’t it?) and stars (no, not that one) Chris Evans, Hayley Atwell, Hugo Weaving, Stanley Tucci, Sebastian Stan, Toby Jones, Samuel L. Jackson, Dominic Cooper, Tommy Lee Jones, Derek Luke and Neal McDonough. For the most part: Who? Whatever. Trailer is over the jump.

Captain America: The First Avenger will be landing on conventional and 3D screens across the US and UK from July 22nd, 2011.

Which is aaages away.

In this flick, we’ll see sickly Steve Rogers getting ramped up to something like human perfection in an experiment by the United States army in World War II during the 1940s.

Then, he’ll sport the most excellent camouflage of a bright blue suit and a red and white shield that is just aching to be aimed at.

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Lea Michele, you know, the gal from Glee that does the singing, is shallower than a reflecting pool and gets drinks thrown on her for larks, is a MASSIVE bitch… apparently.

Well, obviously Lea isn’t actually a massive bitch… as far as we know… we’re not really allowed to get too close to her, but that is what Hailee Steinfeld wants you to believe. Who is Hailee Steinfeld we hear you ask?

To be honest we don’t know, however, let it never be said that the hecklerspray team are not thorough. After a good 10 minutes of navigating Wikipedia we managed to conclude that she’s someone who stars in True Grit, which is a film, so good for her.

While Steinfeld was on the Paramount lot auditioning for the part that would eventually make her a household name, she spotted the Glee star milling about in the car park. Steinfeld went up to Michele and asked for her autograph, only to be told that, “it’s not a good time.”

OH SNAP! You got slammed gurl!

This humiliation was too much for the 14 year old to bear, she then burst into floods of tears and went to tell the internet all about the altercation.

You can understand why she was so upset about it, there she was, big break in the bag, starring alongside Matt Damon, probably skipping along on cloud 9 when she sees one of her idols walking in front of her. SCORE!

That sounds like a pretty perfect day for any young girl, but it wasn’t to be, her parade was firmly rained on by a jazz hand wielding killjoy. It’s heartbreaking… and a bit funny.

Maybe it’s best she learns now that sometimes celebrities are just not in the mood to sign autographs. Who knows, one day she might even get famous enough to snub others in some sort of weird circle of autograph snubbing, inspiring the next generation of young actors to get an over-inflated sense of self worth and hurt the feelings of a small child because their time is too precious to waste and their heroes never signed autographs for them!

DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE MICHELE!?! DO YOU!?

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In a shocking indictment of the state of movie directors and their grasp of the English language, Michael Bay has unleashed a furious and poorly-written email in the direction of Paramount’s bigwigs.

Bay’s email came as a result of what he perceived to be a lack of marketing behind his new vehicle of childhood butchery, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

While the content of the email, dated May 4th, isn’t that much of a shocker, the man who likes things to blow up committed the cardinal sin of writing “of” in place of “have”. More than once.

He must be a hecklerspray writer-in-training.

The email was discovered by the bloodhounds of celebrity nonsense over at TMZ and while the news has spread through other outlets, none have seemed to notice how the complaint is written in the manner of a five-year-old let loose on the keyboard.

We expected a chunk of prose on a par with Michael Bay’s films; intelligent, thoughtful and subtle. Instead what we get is a few paragraphs of… well, it’s not that bad.

But “could of”? “Would of”?! Honestly. And this man is allowed millions of dollars to play about with?

Sometimes life just isn’t fair.

Bay also revealed what seems to be an obsession with pointless use of inverted commas. See:

“I have been waiting, and waiting for the ‘anticipation’ of an ‘event movie’ to make it into the ‘public zeitgeist’,”

It must have taken him a while to write that sentence, as he was clearly making speechmarks with his hands while typing it out. Go and try it now – ‘harder’ than you ‘think’, isn’t it.

Not content with a poor grasp of English, not seeming to believe “public zeitgeist” is a real term and making some really rather bad movies, Bay then went on to make out that both Jerry Bruckheimer and Steven Spielberg are literally his best friends in the whole world.

Read, and believe:

“Over the years, Jerry Bruckheimer mentored me on event movies.”

“My good friend Steven.”

What an incredibly shocking and potentially calamitous turn of events this is. The world as we know it is likely to change forever.

Thing is, Michael Bay did seem to completely change his mind a month later, telling Paramount and co. they all did a great job and were his bessie mates. Probably even better than Steven and Jerry are.

Check out the emails on TMZ.

Thank heavens Marvel started making its own movies – without it we’d have never known what Edward Norton would be like in a crappy Incredible Hulk flick.

And because Marvel has been so brilliant at churning out one successful movie that everybody likes and one mediocre movie that everyone instantly forgets about a nanosecond after leaving the cinema, that can only mean one thing. More Marvel movies!

Paramount has just signed a deal to globally release the next five Marvel films. Since that includes Thor and Captain America, Paramount probably thinks it’s got a pretty sweet deal going on. But it should have read the contract in more detail – the other three movies are about Dazzler, 8-Ball and an utterly pointless shot-for-shot remake of Daredevil, this time with all the characters played by Ben Affleck. Eat it, Paramount!

We’re just starting to see how successful Marvel is at making its own movies. Back when Marvel announced its movie production business in 2005, we weren’t alone in fearing thousands of low-quality direct-to-DVD standard movies about all the superheroes nobody cares about. But Marvel has proved us wrong.

Look at Iron Man – by cherry-picking some of the world’s best actors, letting them operate under one of the world’s most admired indie directors and giving them hundreds of millions of dollars to blow shit up with, Iron Man was always going to be a guaranteed smash. And then there was The Incredible Hulk, which was, um. Yeah.

But the Marvel formula has been set – which is why Kenneth Branagh might be directing Thor next – and it mostly works very well. Which is why Paramount has just decided to globally distribute all the films that Marvel can possibly push out. Reuters reports:

Marvel Entertainment Inc raised its film unit’s 2008 revenue outlook following initial payments of $60 million from Viacom’s Paramount Pictures — the distributor of the comic book publisher’s “Iron Man” movie. Paramount will also distribute Marvel’s next five self-produced feature films across the world, the two companies said in a separate statement.

And it’s probably a wise investment on Paramount’s part, because Marvel seems to be so hell-bent on putting a movie about The Avengers together that it’ll keep throwing out huge new movies based on its individual members – and the inevitable sequels – until it gets there.

In fact, we’ve snuck a look at Marvel’s proposed slate of new movies in the order they’re to be released, and Paramount has every reason to be excited. Look…

Iron Man 2

Thor

The Incredible Hulk 2

Iron Man 3

Captain America

Thor 2

Captain America Vs The Incredible Hulk

Iron Man 5

Thor! Thor! Tho… Oh, Sorry, I Thought You Were Thor

Iron Man 4

Iron Man & Thor Vs The Incredible Hulk & One Of Thor’s Cousins

Captain America Asks Iron Man To Borrow A Stapler, But Iron Man Doesn’t Know Where He Put It

The Incredible Hulk Gets Stuck In A Flowerpot And Thor Puts It On YouTube

Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner? Oh, Captain America Is