Hayley Williams, lead singer of faux-rock band Paramore, is in the news again and this time she’s managed to do it without exposing her, frankly disappointing, baps out for the entire world to see.

Apparently Williams is upset that people she is alleged to have forced out of the band aren’t happy about being allegedly forced out of the band.

Earlier in the week former Paramore guitarist Josh Farro royally through his toys out of the pram and wrote a scathing blog post that detailed how he and his brother Zac felt forced out of Paramore, possibly by Williams’ chest.

Farro, who was a founding member of Paramore, was heavily critical of Williams’ family as well as both of Paramore’s former and current record labels, Atlantic and the stupidly named Fuelled by Ramen respectively.

Moments after Farro’s blog post appeared, the bands 12-year-old Twilight loving fan base went into meltdown, seeing it as one of the harbingers of the apocalypse.

Would their favourite band make it through this whiny cry for attention unscathed, or would it cause them to go their separate ways, breaking literally some hearts while the rest of us continue not to give a toss about Hayley Williams or her rack?

Only time will tell, although Williams insists that the band is still together and will be working on new material.

Bugger.

Williams was quoted as saying that all of the negativity that was being spread was, “a real drag.” Proving once again that there really isn’t much underneath all that brightly coloured hair.

In related news sales of razorblades have tripled since Farro’s blog post went up.

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Christmas came early for millions of lonely, depressed teenagers around the world on Friday.

Why? Because a topless picture of Paramore lead singer Hayley Williams was published on previously pointless social networking site Twitter.

Hayley Williams became the poster girl of choice for many whiny teenage boys and allegedly straight girls after the release of her band’s second album, Riot! in 2007. Since them Williams has received several vaguely bizarre awards for being the sexiest female in rock music, but had previously managed to avoid getting ‘em out for the lads mags.

All that changed on Friday, when a self-taken picture of a topless Hayley Williams was published on Twitpic. Twitpic is an add-on site to Twitter that allows people to upload photos they think people might be interesting. However this seems to be the first time a photo of any interest to anyone has been published on the site. The picture was tied to Williams’ official Twitter account (@yelyahwilliams) and the EXIF data – i.e. the data stored within the picture – showed that it came from her new Blackberry (inadvertently providing one of the best viral adverts Research in Motion will ever have).

Minutes after the picture appeared it was taken down – unfortunately for Williams not before before millions of copies found their way onto image hosting sites and web forums, being fawned over in a creepy/borderline stalker-like way. Williams then tweeted out a message saying she’d been ‘hacked’.

Nobody is buying the hacked story though. As a regular user of Twitpic the belief is that Williams accidentally tweeted the picture herself; either because no one had looked at her for five minutes and she was becoming insecure, or because she’s denser than the majority of her fans.

Let this be a lesson to all youngsters out there – be careful what you put on the internet. You never know how many spotty losers with ridiculous fringes will be furiously masturbating over it for years to (for want of a better word) come.

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So far the Twilight 2 checklist includes Dakota Fanning, scrawny werewolves and a dildo with a funny haircut.

But that’s not quite awful enough, is it? If Twilight 2 is going to go above and beyond the original, it’s going to need to pull something spectacularly awful out of the bag. Twilight 2 needs something so profoundly dreadful that teenage girls will immediately urinate themselves to dust upon sight and everyone else will want to crap their own spines out just so they won’t have to deal with the gargantuan atrocity any more.

The Jonas Brothers want to be in Twilight 2. Bingo.

One of the biggest letdowns about Twilight for us – apart from the boring story, the creepy pro-conservative agenda, the direction, the acting, the lighting, the makeup, the setting, the title screen, the costumes and the constant bloody Robert Pattinson with his stupid hair and funny accent and “Blah blah blah, look at me, I’m Robert Pattinson, I’m so great” - was the soundtrack.

Because while Paramore are good – no, actually we take that back. Paramore are terrible. Paramore are the worst band in history. We’d rather listen to a zoo burn down than listen to Paramore – they weren’t a great fit for the Twilight audience. True, they nailed Twilight‘s penchant for toothless emo and religious flag-waving, but the people who saw Twilight were all screaming irrational 14-year-old female dingbats, and Paramore just didn’t reflect that.

But you know who does? The Jonas Brothers, that’s who.

As part of their evil plan to gain total cultural omnipotence despite being a gaggle of oddly-eyebrowed virgins, The Jonas Brothers have decided that they want to join the likes of Dakota Fanning and that weedy werewolf chap in playing a part in Twilight 2. Even though, you know, none of them have actually seen Twilight. MTV reports:

“The movie was obviously a huge success, and if they asked us to be a part of [the sequel], that would be great,” Nick Jonas said. “It would be really cool.” “That would be really cool,” agreed Joe and Kevin. [But] before they can do much more “New Moon” campaigning, the chart-topping trio still need to actually sit down and watch “Twilight.” “I haven’t seen it,” Joe admitted. “But I have heard it’s a great movie.”

Genius. The Jonas Brothers want to be in Twilight 2 even though they haven’t got a clue what it’s about. That’s actually incredible. In fact, why stop there? We want to see The Jonas Brothers offer to write songs for other films they haven’t seen just because they happen to be popular, too. By the end of the year we want to see Paul Blart: Mall Cop, The Dark Knight, There Will Be Blood, Last Tango In Paris, Emmanuelle vs. Dracula and Faces Of Death all re-released on DVD featuring a soundtrack exclusively made up of shiny-faced Jonas Brothers pop songs.

Oh, we’re just kidding. The Jonas Brothers would be a wonderful fit for Twilight 2. They all already look a bit like angst-ridden werewolves as it is, plus the sound of their Grammy duet with Stevie Wonder is a million times more frightening than anything we’ve ever heard in a horror movie.

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