paralympics - HecklerSpray

Underworld Set To Make The 2012 Olympics A Little More Exciting

December 8th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Yay! The Olympics! Brilliant! Who wouldn't want to watch athletes competing in events for an oversized piece of bling? But hey, it's great for the nation right? Whole decayed areas have been wiped out to make way for wondrous architecture that?ll sit dormant for years to come.

Excellent, that’s just the thing that our stupid government’s ?Big Society? wanted to achieve. Pump loads of money into the host city whilst other cities used for side-events have to do with no investment! HURRAY!

So far, the London Olympics has thrown up a logo which looks like an epileptic?s nightmare and, with less than a year to go, it's been announced that alongside film director Danny Boyle, electronic duo Underworld will be working on the opening ceremony. Whilst it might come as a strange choice to some, the decision may be the kind of bold move that could result in a proper audio and visual feast!

Russell Brand Upsets Every Single Disabled Person On Earth

September 12th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Russell Brand has opened his mouth and let a load of words come out that have made disabled people either cry, or want to viciously beat him up with their angry, angry fists.

Has he ill-advisedly said that Katy Perry looks ‘a bit special sometimes’?

NO! Don’t be an idiot. He’s called Paralympic athletes ?novelty ?value?, which is nice of him isn’t it? This, naturally, has made a thousand unprintable jokes run through the head of team ‘spray which is most infuriating.

Wings’ Paul McCartney Had His Phone Hacked, Apparently. It’s Like Mark Chapman All Over Again

August 5th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Sir Paul McCartney, of forgotten ’70s beat group Wings, has for some peculiar reason, had his phone hacked by ‘so-called journalists’ and he’s gone grassing everyone up to the police. Including us. We got a letter informing us we’d be under investigation.

Even though we only have one PAYG mobile phone (the one with Snake II on), we do use it to get into people’s voicemails. We’ve got a great story about the not very famous comedian David Schneider, but that’s for another time.

Anyway, Macca is not pleased that we’ve been in his messages, very much in the same way his former wife, Heather Mills, was hopping mad (fnarr) that she’d had her voicemails hacked into and, of course, John Lennon’s chest was very much breached by Mark Chapman with his best gun.

Ten Songs Paul McCartney Should Consider For Olympic Opening Ceremony

July 28th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Paul McCartney is all set to headline the opening ceremony of London 2012 Olympic Games alongside other British music stars who probably aren’t nearly as good. Unless they get Girls Aloud on which would be amazing.

The Beatle has told organisers of London 2012 he is “up for” playing at the opener, but which songs he will play is yet to be seen. Or organised at all probably. And Ringo Starr won’t be there, which is simultaneously a shame and of little consequence.

But which songs should Macca consider? Sure, he’s got a massive back catalogue to play with, but there’s some cheeky tracks that are less famous that he should really think about including.

Paul McCartney To Raise The Beatles From The Dead For The Olympics Opening Ceremony

July 12th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

We despair about living in England. Out of every country in the world, we are the only nation that takes pride in former glories and absolutely nothing else. We’ve got nothing to look forward to. Nothing.

And when it comes to music, no band takes our regressive national pride to stalker-levels like The Beatles. It's an actual fact that people in Liverpool aren't christened in holy water. Instead, melted down Beatles records are used to make sure any young child gets a proper passage into the world we live in.

Even though the fab four haven't made a record for decades (seriously! What’s George Harrison up to these days? Nothing. Lazy oaf!) it hasn't stopped rock n? roll granddad Paul McCartney from muscling in with his ideas on how an ageing band with no relevance on modern music can help creating an exciting opening Olympic ceremony. Where’s Mark Chapman when you need him?

Heather Mills Breaks Her Shoulder And Everyone Privately Agrees That It Is Quite Funny

May 12th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Don’t mess with a Beatle. Even the most irritating of Beatles will be favoured over other humans, simply because they’re responsible for those tunes you like. Unbelievably, Heather Mills swiped the crown of most loathed Beatlespouse from Yoko Ono, who seemed to have it in the bag for life.

See, while Yoko initially got heat because everyone was kinda racist toward her, she eventually settled into the world’s ire by simply being a pretentious artist (and no-one likes anyone from the artworld).

Then, along came Heather Mills and, thanks in part to having one leg which made for excruciatingly easy and tiresome jokes from the stand-up universe, became so hated that the National Grids managed to power our homes just on our collective irritation. Then she divorced daft, wacky ol’ Macca and the seething bubbled over into all-out hate. This ensured that any mishap that befell her would be met with titters.