Keep your friends close and your enemies closer: it's a decent way of looking at things. But not so decent when your enemy is a paparazzo, who deals entirely on getting pictures of you in compromising positions, exchanging your dignity for cold, hard cash.

Damn - someone should have told Britney Spears this before she started her relationship with British photo-jockey Adnan Ghalib. See, keeping one's enemies closer does work in many situations, but when your enemy's sole purpose in life is to get as close to you as they legally can, you should probably opt for 'running away quite fast and keeping your enemy at a few arms' length'.

Alas, our poor, maybe quite mental Britney wasn't warned, and now she's supposedly trying to stop another wonderful celebrity sex tape from being released to the baying public. If only people would help to look after the girl.

Admit it - if you ever saw Matthew McConaughey in any kind of physical peril, you'd leave him to it, perhaps silently rooting for the physical peril.

And that, people, is because you're not surfers. Surfers, you see, love Matthew McConaughey. To them, he's like a shining example of what a surfer can become with nothing more than a handful of abnormally dreadful romcom scripts, some sort of baldness-reversing procedure and a string of girlfriends who don't really seem all that convincing.

And that's why, when a crowd of surfers saw a paparazzo taking pictures of Matthew McConaughey, they apparently beat him up and threw him into the sea. Proof, if proof was needed, that Fool's Gold might actually seem good if you've smacked yourself in the head with resin-coated Polyurethane enough times.

Britney Spears has broken up with her British paparazzo boyfriend Adnan Ghalib - possibly because she's just worked out that he's a paparazzo.

According to reports, Britney Spears split up with Adnan Ghalib after angrily accusing him of only being with her to boost his career. Ludicrous, we know - we all knew about Adnan Ghalib for months before this Britney Spears malarkey because, um, no wait, sorry, we were thinking of Abu Ghraib. Crossed wires. Sorry.

Anyway, let's feel sorry for Britney Spears - we really thought that this time she'd found everlasting love with that creepy guy who makes his living by stalking Britney Spears with a camera.